To get so stressed about my kids’ car behaviour

What have you tried? Ages of the kids?

How old are they?
What do they say?
What do you say?

How old are they?

Do you ever let one sit in the front?

I’d firstly start by threatening about whoever is better behaved can be the first one to sit in the front seat.

What ages are they? Mine respond well to an audiobook and we have a few toys/ fidgets and books they only look at in the car. Have you tried just pulling over for 5 minutes every time they do this (on a day you’re not going anywhere urgently) they may just get bored? Otherwise I would just go for general disciplinary consequences (if you can’t show me you can behave nicely, you won’t be able to go to x/ visit x’s house/ have x over/ watch your programme, or pull over when they do this plus say if you make my day very difficult with your behaviour I won’t have time to read you a book/ make you dessert/ take you swimming etc)

How old?
Audiobooks helped mine a lot, but only when old enough.
You can get inflatable back seat dividers on amazon but no idea if they work. Or just become something to bash your sibling with.

What are their ages? My nephew used to do this when he was about 5 and my sister literally could not do anything to stop it even with consequences in place. He did it in my car one time, so I pulled over and told him it’s against the law to not have a seatbelt on when driving and distracting the driver because of his screaming and if he didn’t put his seatbelt on and stop being loud I would drive him to the nearest police station so a police officer could see. It was probably not the best tactic but it worked a treat and he never did it again.

The only safe thing to do is to stop, rebuckle and tell them if they unbuckle again they are going home…and mean it. Hopefully it shouldn’t take too many abandoned trips to make them realise.

Like others have said, audio books, videos etc may distract

Could you park up and make them walk. (Collect car later)
I personally wouldn't let one sit in the front at those ages.
Do they do it when other people are their?

Assume you've already done this but stop the car and wait until they are strapped in before carrying on. Stop every time it happens until they learn to stay in their seats. Ultimately it is dangeous and distracting and completely unacceptable behaviour! I would not move the car with someone unstrapped and they need to understand that it is unsafe.

Regardless of the need for a car, (I also live rurally), I would stopping every single this happened, even if it meant a very slow journey and then big consequences at home afterwards - taking away whatever they would not like taking away, absolutely no screens etc. This is seriously bad behaviour and they need to learn that you mean what you say because it sounds like they are not listening to you.

Split them up - one in the front?

This feels like useful info.

Option 1 - carrot approach: have a rewards system for good behaviour in the car. Hand out 'points' for keeping seatbelt on etc. Let them choose a reward from a list you've approved (ours is things like a pancake breakfast, £5 to spend in the chazza, trip to the ice cream parlour) when they achieve a certain number of points

Option 2 - stick approach: take them somewhere they want to go, refuse to drive every time they're acting up. If they miss the activity then that's on them. Do this every time you need to go anywhere until the message sticks. Yes it's annoying for you but hopefully short term annoyance = long term results.

Or combine 1 and 2. Collect points for good behaviour which can be 'cashed in' for prizes and also black marks for dangerous behaviour which result in consequences at home. Consequences will vary depending on your household/kids.

I also like @Lostthetastefordahlias point that them using your time in the car results in less time for something they want to do later. This sort of thing works in our house.

Get seatbelt locks for the buckles.

Yeah that’s not okay and something tragic can happen so unfortunately yes, tough love is the only option and pulling over immediately. Build in extra time for it and don’t be afraid to bail on things they want to do. Absolutely not okay to be unbuckled. What sort of car seats are they in and are there any safety features you can invest in?

We always stop the instant someone undoes their seatbelt. We sit at the side of the road until they're willing to comply with being strapped in.

I wouldn't put them in the front at that age. You can get buckle covers for the car seat buckle, so they can't physically unbuckle. Consequences like not going to xx place if they don't behave in the car.

They are 3 and 5 so still in 5 point harnesses? You can get covers for the buckles that make them harder to access.

Consequences - like if you are going supermarket, no sweets will be bought

if you are going somewhere fun you will come home

if you can’t leave home that’s life sometimes

this kind of thing might help with the escaping?

Do you lack authority in other areas? This is a safety issue - in our house no child ever did this. Because they had boundaries.

Car seats are a legal requirement. I woild be taking mine to have a 'chat' with the local police if they so much as tried taking off their car seat harness.

Do you lack authority in other areas? This is a safety issue - in our house no child ever did this. Because they had boundaries.

Some kids do what they are told, some don’t regardless of consequences, “authority” or whatever. Stop being smug.

And let your fear about the possible impacts come out in your voice - don’t do the gentle voice thing - let them hear your panic and see your face ( not too full on , no trauma needed )

Agreed. One of my kids does this, one did a few times one never has

Mine are the same ages and I'm having the same problem, although no unbuckled seatbelts thankfully because I'd go spare. I'm considering making or buying some sort of divider so they can't see or touch each other.

I am not being smug. It was a genuine question.

I have never met anybody who have children who would do this more than once or twice. It coild end in tragedy, not to mention completely illegal. Suggests the OP is not in control of her toddler amd young child. Hence my question?