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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think marrying after eight months is not always rash?

177 replies

Turtlebeaker · Yesterday 13:22

I’m curious whether people think DH and I rushed into things or whether sometimes you genuinely just know when you’ve met the right person.

DH and I met 4 years ago through a mutual friend at a wedding. Neither of us had ever been married before and we were both 36 when we met.

We got on incredibly well from the start and decided to go on a date. There was just an immediate connection. We were both at a stage in life where we knew ourselves, knew what we wanted and weren’t looking for someone to complete us just someone to share life with.

DH is British and American (dual citizenship). He grew up in the US, moved to the UK for university and has lived here ever since. Within 2 months of us meeting, he took me to America to meet his family, and I also met his family here in England. It felt very natural to become part of each other’s lives quite quickly. He met mine, my family were a little hesitant, his family not so. Then again his parents got married after 2 months of knowing each other and had 5 kids but in the 70s that was quite common. My parents have since come round

We got married after 8 months together. He proposed and a month later we got married at our local register office in London. We had a meal afterwards with around 50 people and it was honestly a brilliant day. It was relaxed, fun and didn’t cost a fortune.

Two months after getting married, we bought a house together. We both had savings and were financially stable, so it wasn’t a situation where we were making a reckless decision without thinking things through.

Since then, we’ve had two children. Our eldest turns 2 in a few weeks and our youngest is 4 months. We’re very happy together and I honestly feel incredibly lucky.

I was chatting to a new colleague at work who is 40 and would really like to meet someone. She asked how I met DH and when I told her our story, she was shocked. She said she couldn’t believe I married someone I “barely knew”.

I understand why some people might think 8 months sounds quick, but I don’t feel like we were making an immature decision. We were both 36, had lived our lives, knew ourselves and knew what was important to us.

I truly believe that sometimes when you know, you know. I believe love can happen quickly and that you can meet someone and just feel that they are your person. In some ways, I wish I’d met him sooner because I feel like I waited a long time to find him.
Of course, there are relationships where people rush and it doesn’t work out, but I don’t think there is a magic timeline that guarantees success.

AIBU to think that the length of time you’ve known someone isn’t the only thing that determines whether a relationship will work? Or would you still say we took a huge gamble. We were in our mid/late 30s we just knew what we wanted.

OP posts:
MrsShawnHatosy · Today 11:09

OneAmberFinch · Today 11:06

Hmm I don't really think of it as "when you know you know" in my case. I think that phrase implies something like we all have a soulmate and we just knew we were each other's soulmate at first sight or something.

I think people who get married quickly tend to often have a slightly different view, something more like, we will grow into each other's lives and probably annoy each other and need to change our habits for each other but that's a meaningful and sweet part of life that we're excited for.

And then the "knowing" is more of a, hey, I like you! We rub along together well! You make me laugh and I feel good with you, I feel attracted to you! I've looked around at your friends and seen the foundations of your life (job, family relationships, financials, upbringing) and I'm comfortable with them. Great, let's go! Let's not overthink it!

I couldn’t agree more.

MyOtherProfile · Today 12:20

There's always an element of risk in marrying someone. We were similar to OP - mid 30s, really clicked, checked out each others family and friends to make sure they weren't hiding loads of red flags, and went for it. Not far off our silver wedding now. We took the risk, just like anyone does when they get married.

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