AIBU to think marrying after eight months is not always rash?

I couldn’t agree more.

There's always an element of risk in marrying someone. We were similar to OP - mid 30s, really clicked, checked out each others family and friends to make sure they weren't hiding loads of red flags, and went for it. Not far off our silver wedding now. We took the risk, just like anyone does when they get married.

In the 5 months between meeting and getting married me and DH saw each other every day. Some days we would meet for breakfast, some days for lunch and other days have an evening out (DH worked shifts). We never lived together.

Some couples don't get married for years after meeting (or even engaged) but only see each other once or twice a week.

Isn't that the case with all marriages

Mm. I think it’s always rash, and I certainly wouldn’t think it was a good idea in such a short timeframe as I personally do not believe you can truly know someone in such a short space of time, but, of course, can work out, and how wonderful for you and your husband that it did for you!

DH and I got engaged after 6 months. We just knew. I was late twenties, he was mid thirties, so we had been around long enough to know what we wanted in life, and from a partner long term. Been married now over 30 years.

I think there's a big difference between rushing into marriage, head over heels during that very highly charged period of being in love, and meeting someone who you just know is right, who has shared values, interests, hopes for the future. When you meet that person, you feel calm, not hyper, secure not unmoored. So why wait?

It's gambling. Gambling is rash. Sometimes it pays off, more often not.

Well on the flip side, why rush? If you feel secure, why the need to nail it down so quickly so to speak. What does early marriage give that a longer courting period wouldn’t? A bit different when the woman is older with reducing fertility rate (assuming that’s a priority) but if otherwise young, I’m not sure why there would need to be a rush if not trying to prove something.

For us we wanted to be together but did not want to just live together. Just courting was not what either of us wanted.

Although I, obviously, did not know beforehand that I would meet and marry someone so quickly I personally find it strange that couples wait so long to even get engaged let alone married. Most couples live together so why does it take 4 years or longer for them to know they want to spend the rest of their lives together?

Personally, I think that's very quick and no way would I marry someone that soon. My DW and I didn't even move in together for 2 years and were together 6 years before getting married although it was always discussed, we weren't in a rush and wanted to buy a house first. I do however know couples who have got married after similar timescales. Some have survived and some haven't. Each to their own but it wouldn't be for me.

Yeah I do agree with that also, I don’t really understand people who are engaged for years. Marriage was an important milestone for me, once we decided it was what we wanted we got married within the year in a way we could afford, I don’t really understand putting marriage off in order to afford a big party or whatever else big reason is there to put it off. Feels like engagement is used as some kind of plaster for the issue at the time as opposed to being the genuine next step. I appreciate marriage means different things to different people though. I’m a bit old fashioned I guess.

My parents married 8 months after their first meeting, together 65 years. It's the people who make the marriage work, not the time you've spent together before the actual wedding ceremony .

I’ve been with the same man for thirty years.
We met when I was fifteen, moved in together when I was seventeen, been together ever since, have kids together etc.
There have been many many ups and downs over the years.
What I have learned is that relationships are not all or nothing (for the most part) or some binary thing where they are good or bad.
People change over time or depending on life circumstances.
It’s not as simple as picking the “right” person and then everything will automatically work out. You have no idea what you will go through together (and separately) or how either of you will react and how that will affect your relationship.
You will know pretty quickly if you are completely incompatible or if they have been hiding aspects of their personality of course but you generally will only find out whether a relationship is a net positive or negative in your life as it and your lives together unfold.

A relative of mine met her husband and married him after three weeks. They were happy for over 40 years

It was a gamble and so far it has paid off. No one knows what the future will bring and that includes you.

Got married a tiny bit after a year after meeting as teenagers. That was almost 25 years ago

8 months does seem very fast. However, it appears in your case you moved forward as equals, no kids, both had savings, both at a stage in life where you knew what you did and didn’t want. When there is an imbalance in the relationship one party can get taken advantage of.

We moved in together 6 weeks after meeting on holiday. I was engaged after 4 mths and married after 10 mths. We celebrated our 22nd anniversary this year

I think this is the key isn’t it, whether you jump in to have kids. If it’s 8 months to marriage that’s not harming anyone and the punt won’t hurt anyone, but if there are children involved (either from prior relationships or because they fall pregnant very quickly) that’s slightly different. Although in continuation with my prior posts if you’ve needed to marry quickly due to declining fertile age obviously that’s a more considered risk.

Personally I think it’s mainly luck/chance and not much to do with length of relationship. The real test for a couple is kids and you’ve managed that well. Congratulations on it all and don’t feel you have to justify yourself to others. You could come up with a one liner to shut down your colleague and any others - like off the top of my head: ‘Yes my relationship is just a tad longer than this conversation about it has been.’

I think him being American changes things. They get married a lot younger and have kids a lot younger on average than Brits.

ge is very old to get married. For a Brit it’s a normal age. Therefore I anticipate his outlook, culturally, was “shit I also need to settle down.”

For me I knew I loved DH fairly quickly, I knew I love spending time with him and thought I wanted to marry him.

The fact that we both still felt that way 5 years in is what made me know I wanted to spend my life with him. Those early feelings can easily fade. Id felt that way about men before him and been wrong.

By that point he'd comforted me through sickness, grief. We'd been through so many situations, I knew how he behaved in stressful times, I knew how we worked together and I knew that he wanted to continue putting time and effort into our relationship. We had a deep love that I just couldn't have had after a year.

If we'd got married when I first thought it, it would have worked out, but it would have been a gamble. It takes at least 2 years to know someone

I think it's a bit daft to marry after 8 months before you properly know each other

Your in the loved up stage but what you gonna do when those tiny humans cause issue

It works for some it doesn't for others

As long as your happy and strong enough to withstand issues good on you

I have visited several museums this year
Where I have read true accounts from people during World War 2. Lots of people met & married quickly. Sadly, some men died during the War due to conscription & active service.

War changes people

Wars are sadly still ongping today

Yes, honestly, I think it was a very rash thing to do. That it has all worked out lovely is not evidence that it wasn’t rash. It’s evidence that you were bloody lucky.