AIBU to think marrying after eight months is not always rash?

Well they say 'when you know you know,' but 8 months does sound too soon. You don't know anyone til you've lived with them for at least a year.

DH and I met, dated for a year and a half then got engaged.. Then we moved in together a few months after that (into a 1-bed rented flat.) So we'd been together about a year and 9 months before moving in together. Then we got married a year after moving in together - just under 3 years after meeting. Then we bought a house a year after getting married. The DC came several years later...

We hadn't even been on holiday together at that point (8 months!) No way would I have married him after 8 months.

You always get the 'me granny and me aunt Ada wed my grandad/Uncle Fred 5 months after meeting' comments on these threads, but that was usually in the first 60-70 years of the 20th century, when frankly, there wasn't much more to life for most women, other than marriage. Over the past 35 years, I can count on the fingers of one hand, the amount of people who got married in less than 3-4 years after meeting their partner.

Honestly who can say what's an acceptable amount of time. A lot will depend on what happens in life. We were together 13 years before getting married and it was all very easy. As we've gotten older and life happens it's been a lot more challenging but we are still happy.

First marriage no and wish I hadn't married him, or had kids with him (I love my 2 with all my heart).

Second time around and a lot wiser I went on my one and only date after he messaged me on POF. I wasn't overly bothered about having a relationship at the time, but wanted to get out there so to speak. I also had blocked lots of other men on POF who didn't take my fancy at all or were clearly looking for a shag.

We went on a date and 7 months later we were married. 12 years later we're still married.

Were we rash, I would say no because we'd both had failed marriages and he was of the mindset he'd never marry again (until he met me of course ;)). I knew everything I didn't want in a man following my first marriage so maybe that was part of it as well?

But that is an average over the whole population, and varies widely by demographics, which are intersectional, but just taking education as one example: in both UK and USA graduates have much lower rates of divorce than people with only the minimum required education.

You can post about whatever you like, but people can respond as suits them, that's how it works.

The truth is no one can know anything about the prospects for your marriage. By definition, you know far more about the health of your marriage than randoms on the internet. All we have to go on is your post, statistics and the benefits of our own experience. And on that basis the considered opinion is: a) on paper it's a bit rash but b) you might well be OK.

If people are making snarky comments, ignore them, but beyond that there isn't much more any of us can say.

Met and married within 6 months.
14 years later DD was born
39 years on, still happy

Yes you have misunderstood, there is no 'cut off time' as you put it.

I picked an arbitrary number of years, it could have been 10, 15, 20 - my point, which you seem to miss, whether deliberately or obtusely, is that at four years you're jumping the gun on saying hey look guys it all worked out fine. You simply haven't been together long enough to say it - so come back in a much longer period of time and let us know how you got on.

Hopefully that makes sense this time.

DH and I were engaged within a few weeks and married within a few months. We had known each other for 10 years and had previously dated, but it was just monumentally bad timing the first time around as I was moving away. We stayed friends and this was the first time we were both single.

he still thinks I should have let him move with me the first time around but it was just too much too fast. It would have saved us both a lot of time and trouble.

We met and married after less than a year. Looking back we were absolutely crackers but it’s worked out. Been very happy, rarely a cross word in coming up 2 decades, and have built an amazing life. I still wouldn’t advise anyone else to do it though, I think we got lucky and in the main it would not be a sensible choice!

It happens and works out for some people. I met a couple on holiday from Scotland that married after 6 weeks, married over 30 years, they were clearly still in love.
Similar to how some arranged marriages work out. My Indian neighbours had an arranged marriage, together 20 years with 3 children, they’re a great team and very much in love.

We started trying for a baby after 10 months. I was 38 - what are you going to do? We have 2 kids now and have been together 10 years. We’re quite different really - I’m a ball of nerves and he’s really chilled. He keeps me sane. And does a lot around the house - that definitely helps!

Bingo. I had drama in my past but by the point I met my partner had outgrown all that crap. He was never inclined to it in the first place.

DH and I got engaged after 6 years, married after 8 but I knew I wanted to marry him very early into our relationship. The only reason it didn’t happen sooner is because we were 17 when we started going out! Got married at 25 and people still said we were too young. As long as you are happy with your decision it’s no-one else’s business!

@Zov
"Over the past 35 years, I can count on the fingers of one hand, the amount of people who got married in less than 3-4 years after meeting their partner"

You must know a lot of indecisive people.

I'm with OP and,at 36,she was right not to hang around once they'd made their minds up.
Honestly OP, it's no-one else's business so I don't know why you're wasting headspace on it.

Maybe that’s because a good portion of working class people don’t get married, marriage offers financial protection, when you both don’t have much money there isn’t much to protect. WC people often feel if they can’t afford a big wedding then they’d rather not get married.

In my experience I see the opposite, the lesser educated slog it out together through the good and bad times, even if they’re not married, a lot get married when the children get older.

Dh proposed to me after 2 months and we got married 6 months later.
I'd been unhappily married before, he hadn't been married and he is 7 years younger than me and not from the UK, was here on a work visa.
22 years later we're still going strong 😉

We got married 5 months after meeting. I was 25 and DH was 23. Celebrated 46 years this year and still very happy.

We never lived together but from the first time of meeting we saw each other every day even if only for lunch as DH did shift work at the time.

Several of our friends dated for many years (shortest 6 years and longest 15 years) and all are now divorced. In fact the ones who dated the longest had the shortest marriages - one last 2 months and one 3 years.

No, there is nothing 'indecisive' about the people I know/have known. What on earth is 'indecisive' about not getting married until 3-4 years after you meet?

What a silly comment. 🙄

I am guessing you have never heard the phrase 'marry in haste, repent at leisure?!'

.

I know of somebody who had been with their partner well over a decade perfectly happy aparinately got married and six months later was getting divorced. My point is time is really irrelevant.

I would question how well you could truly know someone after just 8 months, and even less time living together. Maybe you got lucky, who knows? Would i want to be legally bound to someone I didn't truly know?

Personally no. Hence why I had a 10 year engagement and a further 2 years of marriage before any kids!

We got married 7 months after meeting. We’ve been married many years now and the older I get and the more I hear about other people’s husbands the more I like mine. He’s a gem and I’ve been so happy.

People who aren't married aren't included in divorce statistics, so whether or not they choose to carry on or split is irrelevant for "x% of marriages end in divorce " . The national statistics are what they are, but no large statistical population is without anomalies.

I'd say it's always rash in that it's fast and risky. You're still in the honeymoon stage. But that doesn't mean it'll be a bad decision. Some rash choices still turn out well.

Its my 21st wedding anniversary next week
We met in the febuary
Got engaged after two weeks and married in the August
Its not always been plain sailing but what long term relationship is?

We got married after 4 years, but moved in together after 8 moths, and I wouldn't have done that if I didn't think we'd get married at some point.

I do believe when you know, you know. I told a good friend 2 weeks after I met DH he was the man I was going to marry, I was very sure! Married 15 years.