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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is the dog invited?

1000 replies

DoggyAuntie · 06/08/2026 21:02

My husband's brother and his wife are coming to stay with us this weekend, on their way back home from their holiday further north. All good. They live in a big house with a garden whereas we live in a smaller house with a back yard but we can cope for a couple of days.

This afternoon, I looked at my sister-in-law's Instagram. She has posted photos of herself and her husband on holiday - with her dog!

I have not invited the dog. The dog had not been mentioned. I do not want the dog in my house.

My husband has said it's just one of those things. I feel they are being insufferably rude to expect me to welcome the dog into my home without even asking.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
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Original poster
DoggyAuntie · 06/08/2026 21:59

TerrysCIockworkOrange · 06/08/2026 21:56

Whether MN agrees with you or not OP, it doesn’t change the fact that they are headed your way with the dog in tow.
option 1: use your words and tell them you don’t want the dog there (and don’t be a chicken and make your husband do it).
option 2: suck it up and learn from the experience so next time you have visiting dog owners it doesn’t happen again

Yes, those are the options.

Do you think my brother in law and his wife have anything to learn from the experience? (And my husband.)

OP posts:
BadBadCat · 06/08/2026 21:59

I wouldn't welcome a dog into my house because I have cats. However, I can't see a problem with hosting a family members dog for a night or two if you are pet free. What's the reason you are so against the dog staying?

Laterlife · 06/08/2026 22:00

DoggyAuntie · 06/08/2026 21:56

You know them, do you? You seem to have a very certain view of our family dynamic.

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So, AIBU wasn't really a question, was it? It was an opportunity for you to rant about people who treat their dogs as family.

Jane143 · 06/08/2026 22:00

DoggyAuntie · 06/08/2026 21:55

Hmm, not really.

The issue is the audacity of my in-laws to assume their dog is welcome where it hasn't been invited.

I can say what I want, but it will spoil the atmosphere of the weekend and/or my relationship with them

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I think if you are as snippy with them as you are with your replies on here, then they probably don’t like you much

XenoBitch · 06/08/2026 22:00

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 06/08/2026 21:52

YANBU op. When did people start thinking it was acceptable to just bring dogs along? It is not the default.

Your brother can leave his dog in his car, in your garage, can find a local dog sitter. Whatever. The dog is not your problem.

If someone brought a bratty kid with them that they did not mention, would you insist they also stay in the car or garage?

And good like finding a dog sitter in a town you do not live in at very short notice.

NormasArse · 06/08/2026 22:00

DoggyAuntie · 06/08/2026 21:16

Dogs are not family members, any more than houseplants and teddy bears are family members. They are pets.

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They are though; they live together. If they’re taking their dog on holiday, it stands to reason that the dog will be with them on the way back. If they’re taking their are holidaying in the UK, they are bound to have the dog with them.

AuntieBiotics · 06/08/2026 22:00

I completely understand where you're coming from here, @DoggyAuntie . It's wild to me that people would assume that their dog / cat / teenager / baby / serpent is welcomer into someone else's house to stay overnight without checking first! SO entitled.

Doggy people don't get it, they are all "my furbaby, family member, of course they would be included stuff and get all offended when you refer to their animal as "it".

If you are faced with being lumbered with this animal because you see no way out without being rude, then get DH on board with really simple and firm rules. Depending on your house - dog does not go upstairs, or dog stays in conservatory/utility room/kitchen, dog is in garden between 7am and 9pm - or whatever you need to do.

Original poster
DoggyAuntie · 06/08/2026 22:00

Buildingthefuture · 06/08/2026 21:59

i don’t need to understand your family dynamic. You do. And it seems that you don’t?

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Well, I have a much clearer understanding of our family dynamic than you have.

OP posts:
gratefulmezze · 06/08/2026 22:00

I am a dog person, but I would've asked first it's really rude of them not to! Also, OP, you don't sound like a very laid back person and clearly not an animal lover, so this is all the more reason for them to have double checked and make sure they are considerate guests in your home. If the relationship is damaged it's on them, they sound clueless and selfish.

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 06/08/2026 22:01

AnonyMumAuDHD · 06/08/2026 21:33

Dog owner here - and I would never presume that my dogs were included. The opposite in fact. You are totally within your rights to reach out and state that you are sorry, but you hadn’t realised the dog would be travelling with them, but you can’t have him stay. Lie and say you are allergic as they can’t wheedle against that one.

Rearrange for when they can get a dog sitter.

Lie and say you are allergic as they can’t wheedle against that one.

if only that were true! These sort of people always think you can just pop and antihistamine or deal with it like it’s a bit of hayfever

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 06/08/2026 22:01

I think this is a you can be right or you can be happy situation.

It all sounds like a massive miscommunication.

I'd choose to let it slide this once and be happy, enjoy the weekend with loved ones or you can be right and let everyone know how inconsiderate they all are.

Laterlife · 06/08/2026 22:01

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ByRoseBiscuit · 06/08/2026 22:02

We take our dogs on holiday with us a lot, but in this situation I would definitely have checked you knew the dogs were with us when you offered the stay. I can understand your reluctance, I love our dogs but don’t want other people’s in my house! I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say to them you didn’t realise they would have the dog when you offered.

Original poster
DoggyAuntie · 06/08/2026 22:02

NormasArse · 06/08/2026 22:00

They are though; they live together. If they’re taking their dog on holiday, it stands to reason that the dog will be with them on the way back. If they’re taking their are holidaying in the UK, they are bound to have the dog with them.

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As I have explained, it wasn't quite "a holiday". It was a couple of days away that I didn't expect they would take their dog on.

OP posts:
TerrysCIockworkOrange · 06/08/2026 22:03

DoggyAuntie · 06/08/2026 21:59

Yes, those are the options.

Do you think my brother in law and his wife have anything to learn from the experience? (And my husband.)

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Aye, your in laws shouldn’t have assumed, but I personally think that’s a topic best broached AFTER this visit unless you really want to get into bad feeling with them right now.

Original poster
DoggyAuntie · 06/08/2026 22:03

This reply has been deleted

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They're not popping in. We invited them to stay. We didn't invite their dog to stay. Where does selfish and controlling come from?

OP posts:
BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 06/08/2026 22:04

XenoBitch · 06/08/2026 22:00

If someone brought a bratty kid with them that they did not mention, would you insist they also stay in the car or garage?

And good like finding a dog sitter in a town you do not live in at very short notice.

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How tiresome - the comparison of dog’s to children.

Thankfully, unlike a dog, a child actually is a member of the family and on a family holiday it is “obvious” they would be there. That and obviously shoving a child in a garage or garden would be a crime, whereas the dog is perfectly fine to be secluded off.

Buildingthefuture · 06/08/2026 22:04

DoggyAuntie · 06/08/2026 22:00

Well, I have a much clearer understanding of our family dynamic than you have.

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I’d hope so. Since they are your family…..but they are still apparently expecting to turn up at your house with an unwanted and uninvited dog. You’re horrified and your DH isn’t bothered. It honestly doesn’t suggest a…..collaborative dynamic!

dinodart · 06/08/2026 22:04

i hate dogs with a passion, you are not being unreasonable. dogs shouldn't be forced on people. i would never let it in.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/08/2026 22:05

DoggyAuntie · 06/08/2026 21:50

You see, people are accusing me of being stubborn or acerbic, but there is no way on earth I could send a message like that! To family?

"Just wanted to preempt any misunderstanding"

"We can't accommodate"

That sounds like a letter you'd get from the council about the bins!

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I didn't expect "Daisy" coming along. I wish you had mentioned it. I'm sorry, but I'm not comfortable with having her here.

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 06/08/2026 22:05

This reply has been deleted

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How is it the op who is selfish? They are the ones rudely bringing an unwanted animal into her home

Original poster
DoggyAuntie · 06/08/2026 22:05

Jane143 · 06/08/2026 22:00

I think if you are as snippy with them as you are with your replies on here, then they probably don’t like you much

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I'm not.

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 06/08/2026 22:05

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 06/08/2026 22:04

How tiresome - the comparison of dog’s to children.

Thankfully, unlike a dog, a child actually is a member of the family and on a family holiday it is “obvious” they would be there. That and obviously shoving a child in a garage or garden would be a crime, whereas the dog is perfectly fine to be secluded off.

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If a dog is not a member of the family and is like a houseplant or teddy, then OP will have no problem accommodating them 😉

HumberSquid · 06/08/2026 22:05

DoggyAuntie · 06/08/2026 21:10

Should I have made it clear at the time that my mother in law and the England Women's Rugby team weren't invited too?

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Well if you know they holiday with them, then yes.

LabOwner95 · 06/08/2026 22:05

50/50

You know they have a dog and would be coming back from a UK holiday, presumably with their dog.

They should have checked.

However they're unlikely to find a kennel or dog sitter at such short notice!

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