Is the dog invited?

DoggyAuntie · 2026-08-06T20:02:47+00:00

My husband's brother and his wife are coming to stay with us this weekend, on their way back home from their holiday further north. All good. They live in a big house with a garden whereas we live in a smaller house with a back yard but we can cope for a couple of days. This afternoon, I looked at my sister-in-law's Instagram. She has posted photos of herself and her husband on holiday - with her dog! I have not invited the dog. The dog had not been mentioned. I do not want the dog in my house. My husband has said it's just one of those things. I feel they are being insufferably rude to expect me to welcome the dog into my home without even asking. Am I being unreasonable?

GeorgeMichaelsCat · Today 12:06

Pity no picture of said doggy

YoQuieroVino · Today 11:59

Isometimeswonder · Today 11:58

Nothing about her posts struck me that she was "happy" about anything that wasn't exactly as she wanted it.

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She doesn’t have to be happy about it, does she? You can’t force yourself to be happy about having a dog that you don’t want in your house. But for the sake of familial relations, she is willing to suck it up.

Isometimeswonder · Today 11:58

YoQuieroVino · Today 11:55

Yes, which is exactly what she’s also said numerous times on this thread. That she’ll suck it up as it’s also his house.

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Nothing about her posts struck me that she was "happy" about anything that wasn't exactly as she wanted it.

YoQuieroVino · Today 11:56

Nothavingagoodvalentinesday · Today 11:36

Dogs cannot be left at home on their own for longer than four hours at a time. Anyone who is suggesting they leave the dog at home is either ignorant or disingenuous.
Kennels and dog boarders get booked up months in advance.
This is not an ideal situation by any means but the OP has a choice. She can choose her house over her relationship with her in-laws or she can choose to be accommodating. it’s up to her.

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She has chosen. She’s said numerous times that she is going to suck it up.

YoQuieroVino · Today 11:55

Isometimeswonder · Today 11:47

OK I missed that. But my point therefore is valid.
It's his house too, and he's happy to have the dog.

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Yes, which is exactly what she’s also said numerous times on this thread. That she’ll suck it up as it’s also his house.

XenoBitch · Today 11:54

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · Today 11:38

Plenty of people leave their dogs for more than 4 hours and it is literally fine. People have dogs and jobs you know. This 4 hour nonsense is a new phenomenon.

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Yes, you need to build up to it.
You don't just get a dog then leave it alone all day. And like a PP said, they have shorter life spans. It seems cruel to get a dog just to leave it alone all day.

CruCru · Today 11:53

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · Today 07:58

I agree with @Jigglypuffff about using it as an opportunity to set ground rules now that you have deceived to suck it up @DoggyAuntie. People who blindly assume a dog is welcome are also the sort of people who won’t think it needs boundaries in another person’s home. Reminds me of a friend who dog sat for his SIL. He’s very clear about where dogs go in this house - not upstairs, crated at bedtime. She came to stay the night of collecting the dog and brought it up to the spare bedroom in the middle of the night - he was fuming especially as it had been a massive favour as he was dog sitting over Christmas.

Anyway you need to say something like:

Just seen you have the dog with you. We didn’t realise and we aren’t really set up for dogs here. As you already have him, there isn’t much you can do so it’s fine this time but just to say he will need to stay off the furniture and out of the living room while he is here.

or whatever rules you want to set

I like this message very much.

CruCru · Today 11:51

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

I think it is quite rude to tell the OP that she has “toxic thoughts”. Is this some sort of therapy-speak?

Isometimeswonder · Today 11:47

YoQuieroVino · Yesterday 22:04

I think she’s referring to the post on this thread where she says ‘it’s his house too’

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OK I missed that. But my point therefore is valid.
It's his house too, and he's happy to have the dog.

ovals · Today 11:44

I’m glad we’re more aware now of what constitutes good dog ownership. Well some of us at least.

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · Today 11:38

Nothavingagoodvalentinesday · Today 11:36

Dogs cannot be left at home on their own for longer than four hours at a time. Anyone who is suggesting they leave the dog at home is either ignorant or disingenuous.
Kennels and dog boarders get booked up months in advance.
This is not an ideal situation by any means but the OP has a choice. She can choose her house over her relationship with her in-laws or she can choose to be accommodating. it’s up to her.

Show quote history

Plenty of people leave their dogs for more than 4 hours and it is literally fine. People have dogs and jobs you know. This 4 hour nonsense is a new phenomenon.

Nothavingagoodvalentinesday · Today 11:36

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · Today 09:15

So you can leave it at home? You just choose not to and prefer to inflict it on other people?

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Dogs cannot be left at home on their own for longer than four hours at a time. Anyone who is suggesting they leave the dog at home is either ignorant or disingenuous.
Kennels and dog boarders get booked up months in advance.
This is not an ideal situation by any means but the OP has a choice. She can choose her house over her relationship with her in-laws or she can choose to be accommodating. it’s up to her.

Nothavingagoodvalentinesday · Today 11:29

It surprises me that you didn’t know they had a dog.
There is no obligation on you to have the dog in your house but at this late stage it would cause big problems if you were to say it couldn’t stay.

TaterTots68 · Today 11:07

Oh OP you're getting a bit of a kicking from the dog owners (who think it's acceptable to turn up at someone's home with their dog without asking!).
I absolutely love dogs and all animals. I do not want a dog, I don't want someone's dog in my home. I think it's incredibly rude and entitled to assume a pet is welcome at someone's house without asking.
So I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. However, it's tricky as it's not your brother's. You probably need to explain to DH why it's not appropriate and tell him he either tells them, or he can pick up the shit in the yard and vacuum up the dog hairs! Good luck

ovals · Today 10:43

Similar because they’re small things that need to be taken care of. Like children.

I wouldn’t take a dog, rabbit, guinea pig, child or partner anywhere they’re weren’t invited. I wouldn’t be pissed off with family or friends if they turned up with any of the above without checking though. I’m a more the merrier type person.

Rpop · Today 10:43

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · Today 10:36

It isn’t different at all though?

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To the non-pet owner, it’s not that different (although a dog would be harder work).

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · Today 10:36

Blondeshavemorefun · Today 10:22

Slightly different as you know 😜

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It isn’t different at all though?

YoQuieroVino · Today 10:36

Blondeshavemorefun · Today 10:22

Slightly different as you know 😜

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Both pets 🤷🏻‍♀️.
However as I said, I also would never assume that I could take my dog to someone else’s house without checking it’s ok first. It’s very bad manners.

Blondeshavemorefun · Today 10:22

YoQuieroVino · Today 09:57

My guinea pig lives with me. I don’t expect people to assume I’ll bring my guinea pig along for visits. That would be weird.

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Slightly different as you know 😜

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · Today 10:03

YoQuieroVino · Today 09:57

My guinea pig lives with me. I don’t expect people to assume I’ll bring my guinea pig along for visits. That would be weird.

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Exactly this - my brother and his partner have never brought their rabbits down for a visit!

YoQuieroVino · Today 09:57

Blondeshavemorefun · Today 09:45

depends if they live with your brother in law

the dog does so surely anyone would reliese dog would come as well

but yes she should have checked and you should have asked if coming

Edited

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My guinea pig lives with me. I don’t expect people to assume I’ll bring my guinea pig along for visits. That would be weird.

Longtimelurker1980 · Today 09:55

Joliefolie · Yesterday 23:43

Bil and wife didn’t think to mention they had their dog with them. Rude.
DH DGAF that his wife is unhappy about the dog. Rude.
OP finds her BIL and his wife insufferably rude.
OP is rude to posters in her responses in this thread.
People are rude to the OP in this thread.
Dog lovers accuse others of being heartless. Rude.
Others accuse dog lovers as being insane. Rude.

In summary, humans are arseholes rude and that is why so many prefer dogs.

genius. This should have been entry 1000 to end on a general summary.

Blondeshavemorefun · Today 09:45

DoggyAuntie · 06/08/2026 21:10

Should I have made it clear at the time that my mother in law and the England Women's Rugby team weren't invited too?

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depends if they live with your brother in law

the dog does so surely anyone would reliese dog would come as well

but yes she should have checked and you should have asked if coming

Birdied · Today 09:28

DoggyAuntie · 06/08/2026 22:27

My in-laws aren't dirty. My new sofas and carpets will be dirty after their dog has slobbered all over them.

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I would hope that any reasonable dog owner would have no problem leaving dog in (dry) garden as much as possible in light of new sofas/carpets. And I would put throws on the sofa just in case.

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · Today 09:15

Skates · Today 09:06

Nowadays, I think we all need help with our mental health. But after I’ve had a shit day at work and I come home and my dog is there laying on my lap, it relaxes me. So yes, I guess he does help with my mental health.

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So you can leave it at home? You just choose not to and prefer to inflict it on other people?