DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

Telling me I look funny if I'm going out in public, at home, fully dressed, is one thing. Telling me I look funny when I'm on holiday wearing only a bikini, just to sit around the hotel pool in, where no-one knows me and I'm trying to relax and enjoy myself is a whole other thing. Men should never comment negatively on how their partner looks in the latter situation. Hardly anyone looks good in a bikini irl. He's an insensitive idiot. I hope you can enjoy your hols OP.

But he didn't voluntarily comment. He only did so after being pushed. I don't think he's got anything to apologise for.

It sounds like he was caught by you thinking something that he wasn’t actually planning to tell you. If you’d not seen the “funny look” then you would have gone out in that bikini none the wiser.

However if he’d also not told you what he thought once you saw his look, you may have been left wondering what he said and guessed what he was thinking anyway…

It doesn’t sound like he was deliberately trying to make you feel bad, although appreciate that it still did (and would make me feel crap too!)

If you’re uncomfortable about your weight, you have the power to change it. Your husband noticed it didn’t look good and told you - surely you want to know if something doesn’t look good? Wouldn’t you tell him? He’s not saying you’re fat, just said it didn’t look good. It’s good he was being honest. Do keto or calorie deficit, lots of ways to lose extra weight.

He needs a list of what is acceptable e.g: tight bikini - no, visible tampon string or misaligned pad - yes, etc. etc. etc.

Everyone puts on weight / loses weight all the time.

Put that bikini back on, rock that look all over the pool, dance if you have to.

Life is way too short for worrying what some person 6 loungers to the left thinks or feels about you. They will forget after

I agree

I'm trying to think where a bikini might look tight?

The funny look was designed to provoke you to ask the question.

An initial refusal to answer thus increasing the tension & your concern regarding what he was withholding.

Until finally he was “forced” to tell you he thought it was too tight.

Then it’s your fault you asked.

If he is compelled to have input on your clothing choices a more pleasant way would have been to suggest an outfit he loved rather than put down the one you were wearing.

I really doubt this, that he’s that Machiavellian and sat and thought right I will give her a funny look so she asks, then ramp it up by refusing to answer.

it is overwhelmingly more likely he was caught off guard.

Yes, it was clearly biology doing its thing!

But there was nothing stopping him simply saying you look amazing in XYZ rather than knocking the bikini.
He absolutely could have been more positive rather than leaving her feeling worse.

A lot of people wear inappropriate clothing, or clothes that are too small. Just because you are comfortable in it, doesn't mean it looks good. Maybe it was embarrassing to him. Maybe there was a cameltoe. I would definitely want to know if I didn't look my best. I tell my husband of almost 40 years when there is something about his appearance that needs changing or adjusting. If OP had something in her teeth or nose, she wouldn't have the same reaction. But since this is a sensitive issue with her, it touched a nerve and hurt her feelings. That's what a husband should apologize for, even if it was unintentional. However, no one wants to see people on the beach, in the mall, or at a park wearing clothes, or especially swimsuits, that are too small.

"Husband the only thing that's making me feel uncomfortable and silly is you. The man who is supposed to love me. Knocking my confidence is cruel."

You may have looked good to him, but perhaps because the bikini was tighter, it may have looked too sexual for the pool? It need not be an indication that he doesn't find you attractive in that bikini.
And good for you that you still went swimming and later told him how you felt -- don't let it weigh on you or take away from your trip or relationship <3

Your not being unreasonable i think your husband should have kept that comment to himself. He should have boosted your confidence and told you, you looked good in it but if only you lost a few pounds you would look amazing. End of the deal people's feelings are getting hurt here.

Personally unless you are really slim, bikinis look awful! Ive gone the opposite to you I’ve gone from a size 20 to a 14 and still I would not wear a bikini, even though I’ve got all the bits in the right place now!

This!!!

Is he on the autistic spectrum? It's common for people with autism to be a "tone deaf" and genuinely lack the ability to read social cues or empathise. If he's not autistic, there's no excuse: he's just cruel.

It does seem like he wanted to shame her.

I often wonder about the intentions of the inventor of the bikini. Did they hate women in general? Only a minority of us can wear one with confidence, and even then only for a few years. It's not even enough to be skinny, you have to be curvy in all the right places and have perfectly even skin.

I cannot see what he did wrong 🫤

I’d rather DH told me if he thinks something looks too tight. As I would him.

I think men cannot win sometimes.

Around the bottom, hips and boobs

This 100%

Your husband was insensitive, my husband is very literal and it wouldn't surprise me if he would say the same. Men!!

Had he said nothing though and some incident, look or whatever made her feel uncomfortable at the pool I would bet good money that she would blame him for not saying anything.