DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

I cannot believe all the women sticking up for a callous twat. Its hard enough being a woman and having all the judgement from the outside world. Your DH of all people should support you. Tell him to keep his unhelpful comments to himself. Better still tell him if he is wearing something you disapprove of OP and tell him exactly why as well. Massive twat!

it's all very good to say he should keep his comments to himself, but it's the OP who insisted to know what he thought..

This! I’d feel differently if his comment had been unsolicited but it wasn’t. You did ask!

He should keep his fucking face straight then. Passive aggressive facial expressions are just cowardly and honestly really fucking mean. Say what your face is saying with words or keep it in your brain.

you are the one complaining he used his words when asked 😂

If people are that prickly with their appearance, they can just wear clothes that fit and lose the weight they are uncomfortable with.

I’m torn. He didn’t need to say anything, he should have realised the impact of telling his wife she didn’t look nice. It was thoughtless and unkind.

But equally I think some of your response is really a projection of how you feel about yourself. Going from size 10-18 is a big increase and I wonder if you’d feel better to address it. I’m not sure how I’d feel if my partner gained so much weight, I’d try to be supportive but honestly I’d lose the attraction. And maybe feel a little resentful.

Do you think perhaps his comment was a passive aggressive, resentful comment? Does he want you to lose weight?

ok then. I won't bite. have a lovely day!

It sounds like he just wanted to help you OP. I wouldn't worry about it and let it ruin your holiday. As long as you feel comfortable and happy wear the bikini.

Poor bloke can’t win. No doubt if you’d gone out in it and strangers looked at you funny, you’d be having a go at him because he didn’t tell you.

I’d absolutely expect my husband to tell me straight off I didn’t look good in something, ESPECIALLY swimwear, him not saying something is far worse.

But strangers wouldn't give her a second glance. Have you ever looked "funny" at someone because of their bikini?

I think it’s quite unrealistic to think people don’t notice.

I’ll give you an example. We were on holiday earlier this year and there was a woman around the pool wearing a thong bikini. She had an enormous arse covered in cellulite. It was quite the look. I will admit my husband and I raised an eyebrow at each other as she walked by. But I actually saw a woman surreptitiously taking a photo of her arse. So this was undoubtedly going to be whatsapped to her friends so they could all laugh and be nasty.

So, strangers ‘not giving a second glance’ should be the case, but often isn’t.

Sounds like negging. I remember one ex did similar when I was 8 1/2 stone (5ft8). Said my belly looked large in a bikini. I had some loose skin from previous weight loss and also have pcos so my weight does fall around my stomach. Never wore one again infront of him.

Another one more recent made a comment of my untoned belly and how I should hit the gym (I’m only 9 1/2 stone now so in no way overweight).

I replied that I’ve had 2 c sections and 3 abdominal surgeries, what was his excuse for being a fat bastard? Dumped promptly.

It does not sound like negging.

It’s not negging, negging would be something more like ‘you look nice in that bikini even though you put on a lot of weight’ or ‘actually you can pull of that bikini surprising well’. So it’s a compliment that makes a person doubt themselves.

Exactly this!