Should I report this mum? Is it even reportable?

Having children with different men is not against the law. Are the children healthy and clean? Well fed? Is the house clean and tidy?
Do you have reasonable suspicions that the children are being abused?
What would you be reporting? That she cant keep her legs shut?

Just to be clear - fine, upstanding pillar of the community men with money are just as capable of being predators or abusers or violent or substance addicted. Yes, a merry go round of boyfriends and getting pregnant nilly willy is rubbish, but that alone doesn’t make it reportable. Also, don’t call the police unless you know a crime has been committed.

Also people you've known several years and you know all their friends.

You should. Women can be just as bad as men if not worse - they are the ones who bring monsters into their kids lives. 3 men already and the child is a toddler- she’d definitely on that track.

Some of these replies! Christ! You don’t have to wait for a criminal act to be committed before you report to SS!!
The OP has very legitimate safeguarding concerns about these children and it’s a well known fact that new men being moved in to the home with young children is a HUGE red flag.
OP I work with children and you are absolutely right to be worried.
Safeguarding is everyone’s business and if you’re worried then please report to the local SS. They will also be privy to information you may not be and this may be a piece of puzzle of a much bigger and even more concerning picture.

She doesnt sound like she making good choices
But if the children are cared for what would
Nothing would be done

What a strange reply to a general query. Are you always this dramatic?

Encourage the mum to do a Claire's law on the latest partner.

Other than that there isn't a lot you can do.

As others have said it isn't a crime to have a partner or be crap at choosing partners

If the older one goes to school you could make the school aware of your concerns just so they can be on their radar (if they aren't already).

All the best.
X

It can be when there is a feckless mother and a dodgy man involved. But do you really think SS can investigate every single instance of a new man moving into a household with children? What are the ‘legitimate’ concerns?

Report what exactly? To whom? Unless her children are neglected or abused, all she’s done is have very poor judgement. As long as the children are okay, you should mind your own business.

It’s not about informing social services and expecting them to just storm in and take the children.
It’s about sharing concerning information so a picture/timeline can develop from different agencies involved including school/nurseries etc.
and the concerns are legitimate when you have a clearly vulnerable woman who allows men into the house with two young children who can’t advocate for themselves. The fact that so many don’t find this concerning is mind blowing!
also, that concern in and or itself, yes they probably won’t be able to do a lot, but the point is that all these smaller concerns usually add up to a much bigger picture and if no one shares these smaller concerns children remain unsupported and yes eventually it could lead to worsening abuse/neglect.
i personally would never be able to reconcile with myself if I had known something felt off but I chose not to report ‘because it’s not a crime and it’s none of my business’

You could anonymously report to children's services. They will establish (with the police) what the risks are. If they decide not to take actipon, no harm done. For really complex reasons, women who have been in abusive relationships, often go into other unhealthy/abusive relationships. I think it's better to be safe than sorry.

Dosent make it right just because it's not against the law.

How do you feel about you partner's attitude to all this? He's not coming out of this well either.

What is he supposed to do? Put his manly foot down and tell his sister/cousin/whoever it is that she can't have a boyfriend or can't move her boyfriend in?

Have you ever read a history book? It was common and legal for husbands to abuse wives until VERY recently.

As pp said, strongly suggest Claire’s Law and the freedom programme. Get as involved with the kids as you can, they need someone to tell if there’s abuse or weird stuff going on. Also studies show that kids who have one or more positive person in their lives, even whilst growing up in chaos, have better outcomes.

Obviously this isn’t ideal but I would be very surprised if it reached any kind of threshold for SS involvement. Even if it did I’m not sure what support they can offer. I’m sure the children would be removed and mum clearly doesn’t recognise the dangers.

100% report to social services. Trust your instincts.

Do you not understand the basic safeguarding concerns here?
some of these replies are crazy.

You would never be off the phone to every authority known to man if you lived where I live 😳 I wish I was joking.

We all understand the safeguarding concerns in this situation but OP said the kids seem fine and looked after. Its the mother’s morals that seem to be worrying her.

You can’t report someone just for having children by different fathers, chaotic adult relationships and moving a new man in straight after the last one. The bar for Social Services involvement is I would say perhaps too high but the service is on its knees and they cannot allocate valuable resources until such time as actual concerns arise.

The sad truth is that unless this man is already a convicted abuser abuse can’t be prevented, hence everyone saying all you can do is suggest a Claire’s Law check if DH’s cousin (?) is concerned about her boyfriend, which it doesn’t sound as if she is.

So if everyone understands the safeguarding concerns, they exist and should be reported right? It has nothing to do with having different fathers or even quick new relationships.
A history of domestic abuse, two young children and it does sound like OP is concerned about the woman’s current partner.
At best this partner has no violent history & the mother can be offered some support around healthy relationships. At worst the children are exposed to the inevitable trauma that comes with unstable relationships and dangerous men in and out of their home.
either way having a log of concerns protects the mother and children potentially now and in the future.

It is very worrying OP and I would be extremely concerned too. There are so many cases of the mother or fathers partner being abusive towards the children. Some as we know have resulted in murder. Unfortunately it seems that nothing can actually be done until it's too late. All you can do is stay vigilant. Take a note of any bruises , etc which may be dismissed as clumsiness.

I actually think you have nothing to lose by reporting to Social Services. Yes unlikely they will take action but it can go on record, and you can stop tormenting yourself about whether you need to or not.

This is one of the most stupid posts I’ve read on MN.

its not about her being an unmarried mother.. it’s about her moving strangers into her home when she has very young children.

If you can’t see the issue with that @CaptainMyCaptain then I really hope you don’t have kids.