MIL dilemma on holiday

No it’s not. For clarity, I do not see “5 minutes of fussing” as necessarily a bad thing. And it is something most parents do-by the time you have heard a whimper, put down your knife and fork and got upstairs it has usually been around 5 minutes. What I AM saying is that any amount or level of crying is always characterised as “5 minutes of fussing” by sleep training proponents. In the same way that any sort of smack is always a “tap”.

I would argue against that for older children. The primary purpose of breastfeeding is to provide nutrient and immune support to baby. A baby over the age of one should most certainly have those needs met during the day (in developed nations).

There are age appropriate ways to comfort, provide physical security and bond with babies and children.

If a three year old is actually wanting to nurse in the night then that means they aren’t being fed enough during the day and I would have some deep concerns about why the parents aren’t providing adequate food during the day.

Its mothers choice to breastfeed and to determine the length of breastfeeding and there shouldn’t be judgement there and breastfeeding older children should not come at the expense of providing food during the day and learning how to provide age appropriate emotional support.

Comparing slapping a child to sleep training is indeed a weak argument. I don’t know of a parent in my social network who lets their baby scream or cry for extended periods of time nor do they “tap” or slap their children. I suppose this is an indication that our friendship and social groups are very different.

A toddler breastfeeding at night is mostly for comfort and security rather than hunger. Breastfeeding is so much more than just milk.

This isn’t sleep training. What you experienced is child neglect and endangerment and I’m sorry that your parents did that.

Have you got a link to back up what you’re saying please? Because it’s not my personal experience or in line with what I’ve read either. La Leche, for example, says that many breast fed babies continue to night feed well beyond the first year. DS was still night feeding when I weaned him at 2.5 years (because I needed to go on meds that weren’t breastfeeding compatible). He was well fed during the day, don’t worry!

Edited to say the above should have said 3.5 years.

What are your own qualifications or references from other qualified people to support your statements about breastfeeding?

If that’s what works for your family that’s obviously completely fine. There are lots of wonderful ways to comfort a toddler and provide security that do not include breastfeeding as well.

I agree.

It's also absolutely fine to teach a 3 year old who is no longer a small baby that night time is for sleeping. Sleep is also important and very much a need.

I am not a doctor or board certified lactation specialist.

When I first became pregnant six years ago, my husband and I read the lastest research on things like breastfeeding, sleep schedules, etc. We then compiled the research into a document which included our questions, etc. We used this as the starting point of gaining knowledge.

Both prior to and after giving birth we consulted doctors (including mayo clinic) to make sure we were fully informed regarding the medical and nutritional needs of babies/our baby. I also had an on call board certified lactation expert who I saw in my home and in office for the first few months of both of my children’s lives (and will do the same for the baby I am expecting in a few months).

We also paid attention to our baby and their needs and used our intuition and learned experience. We have lovely children who are very attached to us, they are kind, intelligent and well regulated.

What we did worked very well for our first two children and if it doesn’t work for our third then I will do a combination of trusting my mothers intuition and consulting experts.

My children slept well next to me.

My point was that after a certain age toddlers nutritional needs should be met during the day (though this may differ in less developed nations). Breastfeeding is wonderful and whilst a fed baby is best, the medical benefits to mother and baby that come from breastfeeding are undeniable.

I breastfed past the first year and plan to do the same with our new baby. Breastfeeding came into play in this thread when it comes to
sleep training. The idea being that older children wake in the night because they need to be fed, whereas my experience includes making sure baby/toddler is well fed during the day and thus eliminating that need at night.

I think you are personalising a lot of things on this thread. You are your child’s mother, you get decide when to breastfeed, when to stop, where your child sleeps, etc. And that doesn’t make the experience or choices of other parents wrong.

I do think leaving a baby or toddler to cry is cruel.

Then it’s a good thing you don’t do that.

You are your child’s mother, you get decide when to breastfeed, when to stop, where your child sleeps, etc. And that doesn’t make the experience or choices of other parents wrong.

Yes, exactly.

I think you were being quite dogmatic earlier in the thread @pepperminticecream, suggesting other mothers were wrong in their approach to feeding and sleeping.

I’m glad to see your tone has shifted now.

Not your child. Butt out and stop being dramatic. I hope you didnt flounce out with a face.

My mil did something similar in my own house when we were skeep training. She cried, made comments and flounced when dh told her to butt out

She's not being dramatic not to want to listen to a baby being ignored.

At least someone in the family was on your child's side.

I wouldn't describe a 3 year old waking up in the night for milk as sleeping well but I know it works well for some families.

Just as sleep training and sleeping in our own beds has worked well for mine.

I sleep trained. Worked really well. Instead of child crying and fussing for 2-3 hours I left them to if (just outside the door) and they were down in 40 mins I think the worst was. Then it got much quicker. Before sleep training they just wouldn't settle.

I do think irs kinder but that's just in the case of my dc. Other dc may react differently

Sleep training is horrific and unnecessary, anyone doing it is actively hurting their child. I’d have left too

I think it’s more that the conversation shifted. I still hold the opinion that it’s okay to sleep train and that a three year old shouldn’t need to eat in the night l. And i also think that parents should do what works for them and their children.

I really wanted to hear more from @FastRedExpert about what happened. I really hope this isn't another of those 'set up and run' OPs.