MIL dilemma on holiday

It’s very cruel.

Research concludes that letting babies cry for extended periods can cause long lasting trauma. Their nervous systems are wired for proximity to their primary carers. They cannot regulate themselves. Allowing a baby to cry (I’m not talking about if you are in the bathroom or away from them briefly) is cruel.

I'll just pop them back where they came from.

Preventing a MH inpatient referral was my priority, so I could be a good mum. 3 days of grizzling before sleep has harmed no one and helped my family beyond belief. I needed sleep.

Are you only on holiday with your child's partner and your grandchild? If not, I suggest you check your sexism. Also, how do you think your judging and storming out whilst the parents are undoubtedly sleep deprived and stressed to high heaven was going to help matters? I can guarantee those you left behind are 100% going to have a worse night now because of your actions, and the baby will be even more sleep deprived and miserable come the morning (as will the parents).

As I said in my comment: parents need to make sure their babies needs are met and that the crying isn’t because they need to be fed, changed, etc.

Poor baby probs wasn't it learned if I cry no one comes to comfort me
Being in a strange place and leaving a baby to cry is not good parenting

They don’t learn to sleep simply by being ignored. That raises damaging stress hormones. They learn to regulate by you helping them to regulate.

I’m not saying all sleep training is wrong. If the sleep training is help to regulate then great. If it’s ’cry it out’ then it isn’t great.

Listening to someone neglect their child isn’t my idea of a good holiday 😢

I sleep trained my daughter at 6 months old because she was still waking up several times a night and I was going back to work. I didn't leave her to cry alone though. She was sleeping in a next to me cot so I was with her the whole time. When she woke up I put my hand on her to let he know I was there, but I didn't pick her up. She cried for 2 hours that night, but 1 night is all it took. I couldn't believe it the next night when she slept through the whole night, to the point I had to check a few times she was still breathing. She has been an excellent sleeper ever since.
Sleep training does not have to be leaving the baby to cry it out all alone. I stayed with her the whole time and comforted her by putting my hand on her and talking to her. I just didn't pick her up.

Well I for one don't blame you, OP, I'd have done the same.

So we agree.
Again, I think parents have forgotten just how important sleep is for a baby's/child's development.
If your child doesnt sleep, it should be an absolute priority to fix that.
That's before we even get into a parents mental wellbeing. We seem to ignore on this site, how important that is too. Instead, the desperate need some posters have to demonise a fellow Mother takes over.
Sad really.

I have no idea of the many different methods of sleep training, I had great sleepers. I can see posters haven't mentioned the different methods though, just rushed forward to say they would never sleep train despite their children not sleeping. They should be trying something, for their childs sake.

Just to be clear, was a parent in with the child or was the child alone? I sleep trained both mine using gentle methods where you stay with the child and gradually ‘do less’ until you’re by the door. In an early stage, they might cry next to me in the cot with my arms on them for a period of time because they expect to be picked up/rocked. That’s part of the process but it’s not cruel, it’s just teaching them a new way to sleep with support.

If she’s leaving the baby to cry alone, that’s not something I could do for that length of time.

Having said that, I wouldn’t be doing sleep training on holiday.

My MIL wanted me to sleep train mine because she's a hard woman and did it with hers. Absolutely couldn't do it. Don't know how anyone can it's perfectly normal to want to comfort your baby.

She didn’t say she stormed out, she said she left. She didn’t say she’d said anything to the parents either. You just made all that up.

I don't think it's idiotic to care about the welfare of babies.

Would you not notice if a member of your party whilst on holiday up and left? Or if you did, would you not be able to guess why?

I expect she made an excuse. You invented storming off.

For the vast majority of human evolution and history, sleeping in close physical contact with babies was the absolute norm. It still is in many non western cultures.

Love the people suddenly thinking controlled crying (this isn’t sleep training-it’s controlled crying!) is the best thing ever because a MiL thinks it’s a bad idea.

controlled crying: how horrible. It just makes it sound like some barbaric torture method.

It is. I don’t agree with sleep training at all- but it certainly doesn’t involve a baby crying for 20 solid minutes. Controlled Crying does.

Not on holiday. Not the time or place

If you have been sleep training (let's say Ferber or similar given OP talks about leaving a baby to cry) and then go on holiday and the child cries, presumably the method says you should leave them to it?
Im sure parents who have sleep trained talk about needing to re-train in a new place, for example.

If I left my daughter to cry she would be so distraught she would throw up after about 5 mins. And I’m cruel for NOT letting that happen? Ok

Comfort is just as much a need.