MIL dilemma on holiday

An 11 month old crying will want comfort.

That is very troubling, but was that really the only thing they did that might have caused you to develop these issues? It sounds like their parenting and warmth may have been lacking more generally.

I would agree if you were talking about a newborn, but an 11-month-old knows that they haven't been abandoned.

I was replying to @SouthLondonMum22 who said sleep is very important.

Where was your son in this?

i guess this mom’s hard wiring must be defective, then.

Let’s be realistic, a mother’s response to a child’s cry is very different to a father’s. For a mother, there’s a hard wired biological response that men don’t have, no matter how hands on the father.

Yes everyone is different, etc but a cry does affect each parent differently.

What about a father’s job?

Mine didn't. What's your point?

I really wanted to hear more from @FastRedExpert about what happened. I really hope this isn't another of those 'set up and run' OPs.

I think it’s more that the conversation shifted. I still hold the opinion that it’s okay to sleep train and that a three year old shouldn’t need to eat in the night l. And i also think that parents should do what works for them and their children.

Sleep training is horrific and unnecessary, anyone doing it is actively hurting their child. I’d have left too

I sleep trained. Worked really well. Instead of child crying and fussing for 2-3 hours I left them to if (just outside the door) and they were down in 40 mins I think the worst was. Then it got much quicker. Before sleep training they just wouldn't settle.

I do think irs kinder but that's just in the case of my dc. Other dc may react differently

I wouldn't describe a 3 year old waking up in the night for milk as sleeping well but I know it works well for some families.

Just as sleep training and sleeping in our own beds has worked well for mine.

At least someone in the family was on your child's side.

She's not being dramatic not to want to listen to a baby being ignored.

Not your child. Butt out and stop being dramatic. I hope you didnt flounce out with a face.

My mil did something similar in my own house when we were skeep training. She cried, made comments and flounced when dh told her to butt out

You are your child’s mother, you get decide when to breastfeed, when to stop, where your child sleeps, etc. And that doesn’t make the experience or choices of other parents wrong.

Yes, exactly.

I think you were being quite dogmatic earlier in the thread @pepperminticecream, suggesting other mothers were wrong in their approach to feeding and sleeping.

I’m glad to see your tone has shifted now.

Then it’s a good thing you don’t do that.

I do think leaving a baby or toddler to cry is cruel.

I think you are personalising a lot of things on this thread. You are your child’s mother, you get decide when to breastfeed, when to stop, where your child sleeps, etc. And that doesn’t make the experience or choices of other parents wrong.

My point was that after a certain age toddlers nutritional needs should be met during the day (though this may differ in less developed nations). Breastfeeding is wonderful and whilst a fed baby is best, the medical benefits to mother and baby that come from breastfeeding are undeniable.

I breastfed past the first year and plan to do the same with our new baby. Breastfeeding came into play in this thread when it comes to
sleep training. The idea being that older children wake in the night because they need to be fed, whereas my experience includes making sure baby/toddler is well fed during the day and thus eliminating that need at night.

My children slept well next to me.

I am not a doctor or board certified lactation specialist.

When I first became pregnant six years ago, my husband and I read the lastest research on things like breastfeeding, sleep schedules, etc. We then compiled the research into a document which included our questions, etc. We used this as the starting point of gaining knowledge.

Both prior to and after giving birth we consulted doctors (including mayo clinic) to make sure we were fully informed regarding the medical and nutritional needs of babies/our baby. I also had an on call board certified lactation expert who I saw in my home and in office for the first few months of both of my children’s lives (and will do the same for the baby I am expecting in a few months).

We also paid attention to our baby and their needs and used our intuition and learned experience. We have lovely children who are very attached to us, they are kind, intelligent and well regulated.

What we did worked very well for our first two children and if it doesn’t work for our third then I will do a combination of trusting my mothers intuition and consulting experts.