MIL dilemma on holiday

I doubt I would work very well on hols but for the benefit of doubt on the subject writ large which weirdly women seem hell bent on ignoring and foresaking their wellbeing:

The idea that sleep training is cruel or damaging is largely a myth, and extensive peer-reviewed scientific research does not support the claim that standard behavioral sleep interventions cause long-term emotional, psychological, or developmental harm.

Major medical and psychological organizations—including the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM)—recognize evidence-based sleep training methods (such as graduated extinction or "cry it out," and bedtime fading) as safe and effective.
What the Scientific Evidence Actually Shows
No Long-Term Harm or Attachment Issues: Long-term follow-up studies (tracking children anywhere from 1 to 5 years later) have repeatedly found no differences between sleep-trained children and non-sleep-trained children in terms of emotional health, behavioral problems, or the security of the parent-child attachment bond.

Cortisol and Stress Levels: A landmark study published in Pediatrics compared babies undergoing sleep training (graduated extinction and bedtime fading) to a control group and measured stress hormone levels via saliva. Surprisingly, the researchers found that babies in the sleep training groups showed lower cortisol levels by the end of the intervention, pointing to reduced overall stress once predictable sleep routines were established.

ps I sleep trained one kid cos they were crazy and wouldn’t sleep and I didn’t sleep train the others cos they didn’t need to be trained and just “got It” I always wonder whether those who are so obsessed with shaming sleep trainers never had terrible sleepers themselves so can’t see why you’d have to do it. It’s such a weird quirk of MN that despite the evidence so many people here can’t let go of the idea that it’s awful.

As I said in my comment: parents need to make sure their babies needs are met and that the crying isn’t because they need to be fed, changed, etc.

If you have been sleep training (let's say Ferber or similar given OP talks about leaving a baby to cry) and then go on holiday and the child cries, presumably the method says you should leave them to it?
Im sure parents who have sleep trained talk about needing to re-train in a new place, for example.

Comfort and feeling safe are needs.

Waking between sleep cycles is a normal part of sleep, we all do it. I don’t need my mother or husband to come comfort me every night when I wake up between cycles.

Pausing for five minutes before going to baby to see if the crying escalates or if baby drifts back to sleep isn’t going to make baby feel any less safe or comforted.

The method wouldn't encourage sleep training in an unfamiliar place. It would advise holding off any sleep training until after the holiday.

Waking between sleep cycles is a normal part of sleep, we all do it. I don’t need my mother or husband to come comfort me every night when I wake up

No. That is because you are not 11 months old and haven't got object permanence yet.

Really? I didn't know that - so if I did ferber 6 months ago and then when on holiday my child isn't dropping off to sleep /staying asleep what do I do while we're away? I thought the guidance was rinse + repeat

1. Most 11 month olds understand object permanence.
2. Babies naturally wake between sleep cycles just as adults do (and most adults don’t remember waking between sleep cycles just as babies and small children don’t remember).
3. Healthy babies learn how to fall back asleep independently. Parents should know the difference between their child having a need that needs to be met/the child being sick and needing attention vs. Normal nighttime wakes between cycles.

Why do healthy babies need to learn to fall back asleep independently? For most of human history babies have slept close to their mothers.

I was left down the end of the garden in a pram so that my parents didn't have to listen to me cry. I am now in my 60s and have had lifelong issues with attachment, and depression.

All of those saying being left to cry does no harm don't know what you are talking about.

Sleeping outside in prams during the day was common in 60s/70s. Still common now in some countries

Waking between sleep cycles is a normal part of sleep, we all do it. I don’t need my mother or husband to come comfort me every night when I wake up between cycles.

Pausing for five minutes before going to baby to see if the crying escalates or if baby drifts back to sleep isn’t going to make baby feel any less safe or comforted.

Yes, babies historically slept close to their mothers. But we don't actually know that mothers/babies were sleeping well or that historical sleep patterns are the ideal model for families now. We also know that that historical infant mortality, maternal workloads, and family structures were very different.

Current evidence suggests that sleep training can improve sleep for both babies and parents without harming attachment.

Our Babies slept in our room for the first year, they were always close to us and once baby didn’t need feeding in night (which a healthy 11 month old shouldn’t need), we would wait to pick baby up when crying. If baby fussed for a few minutes and then went back to sleep we’d leave them. If baby kept crying and was distressed we would check on them.

This is the usual minimising. For the sleep training and controlled crying fans it’s always “5 minutes of fussing”. A bit like the people who believe in smacking always talk about “a little tap”……

Or it is actually their experience of sleep training their child.

You could say it's the usual dramatics of someone who has never actually done it assuming that sleep training = simply shutting the door and leaving a baby to cry for hours and hours.

When in reality, there are hundreds of different sleep training methods and controlled crying isn't the same as cry it out. Yet to people against it, every one who does it is a monster who of course only ever does the most extreme method.

No-I don’t assume that is what sleep training is like. I’ve been a parent and around other parents a long time. I have seen a lot of “five minutes of fussing”

1. Most 11 month olds understand object permanence.
2. Babies naturally wake between sleep cycles just as adults do (and most adults don’t remember waking between sleep cycles just as babies and small children don’t remember).
3. Healthy babies learn how to fall back asleep independently. Parents should know the difference between their child having a need that needs to be met/the child being sick and needing attention vs. Normal nighttime wakes between cycles.

This is the usual minimising. For the sleep training and controlled crying fans it’s always “5 minutes of fussing”. A bit like the people who believe in smacking always talk about “a little tap”……

God, it's like listening to a robot nanny.

If you fully breastfeed,babies often still night feed up to age three. Babies sleep better if all their needs are met by being next to their mother.

I would challenge that for babies born today in developed nations. Most fully breastfed babies will drop nighttime feds before 12 months. It’s the parents responsibility to make sure baby has reached their nutrient needs during daytime wake windows. If a 3 year needs to eat in the night, I would consult a doctor.