AIBU to feel hurt by DH’s comment after sex postpartum?

Yup, they are out in force op.

Its not about weaponising sex, but hes said something that's made you feel upset and shit about your body. At a time when your feeling probably most vunerable in terms of your body, the first time having sex after giving birth.

Why would you be feeling excited at the thought of having sex with someone whos made you feel like that? Until you've actually talked it though with him then your not solving conflict your just accepting shit

YANBU to be upset. Did he just randomly come out with it? Not to give him the benefit of the doubt but is it possibly a passing comment and perhaps related to him lasting a long time or something? It clearly isn't bothering him that much if you have DTD again since. I'd mention it to him in a "what did you mean by that? What was your intention?" Way but I wouldn't be telling him that it upset you as it isn't something you have any need to feel insecure about, but he needs to think about whether it was necessary to say.

I would mention it. In a I'm a bit upset and I want you to appreciate everything I've given up for this family (my body has given you / us three children) and I need you to show me you still fancy me and appreciate me.
But kindly - you arnt as tight, and his bollocks will be hanging lower too. Because that's what bodies do over time. Use it to start doing something for you (pilates) and start a conversation about how you want sex to be.

He sounds more dim and insensitive rather than nasty.

You are right not to weaponise sex, that won't help anything and is a ridicilous suggestion.

Just talk to him - start with "I know you probably didn't mean to upser me but your comment last night made me feel subconscious".

He's a good husband otherwise and I suspect this was a stupid brain fart more than snythung else.

Of course she should discuss it, but she’s clear she’s a good marriage and she didn’t think he meant to hurt her, it was an intensive thing to say and she should say it made her feel awful and why,

but thay doesn’t mean she should withhold sex, I’m sure she only had sex as she wished to, not as she felt she had to.

This, OP @SillyPeachAnt

this reply is perfect

he sounds like a (little) prick

Your baby is 4/5 months old, he’s lucky to be having sex at all imo.

Explain to your dh that pushing a head the size of a coconut out of your vagina 3 times and then being told things aren’t as tight is insensitive and perhaps he needs to think before he speaks in future.

I don’t think anyone is suggesting you ‘withhold’ or weaponise sex to punish him- just that they wouldn’t feel confident to have sex more because that’s what he’s thinking about- which is basically what you’ve said.

I don’t blame you/ I’d feel the same way. Talk to him, if he’s that decent he’ll understand and commutation is so key. You don’t want to end up withdrawing from him as your husband in either an emotional or physical way because of his off the cuff comment that he should have kept to himself. It was so thoughtless of him, I don’t see anything wrong in gently pointing that outa he clearly didn’t give that level of thought to the comment he made to you!

congratulations on your lovely baby, and a husband that is such a fab dad- they’re few and far between from what I read and hear and I’m thankful regularly that mine is the same.

It's not about weaponising sex, just that I think many women would feel too self-conscious to want to have sex with their DH after he came out with that gem.

The fact that he didn't mean to upset you almost makes it worse. If he'd said it to you in anger, then he could say he didn't mean it – he was just trying to hurt you. But because he was just making a casual observation, he can't retract the comment. I'd struggle to get past that, honestly, especially because I can't believe an adult man wouldn't know full well how damaging that would be to hear, especially the first time postpartum.

You should not tolerate this shaming of your body

And don't excuse it by saying he's a good husband, dad etc. There's no excuse to humiliate your wife like this.

You need to have firm words with him. Tell him sex is off the menu until he makes you feel like a goddess. That is not weaponising sex, as you suggest; that is having respect for yourself and not having sex with a man just because he is your husband.

The exact equivalent of this is telling a bloke his cock is too small. Which is a nasty thing to say, and I presume you never would. This isn’t about ‘weaponising sex’ this is about whether you actually want to have sex with someone who made you feel shit about yourself.
you like this guy, so I’m assuming he’s never made you feel shit about yourself, so I think my first line of questioning would be to ask him why on earth he said it?

Why would anyone say that ever? It just doesn’t make sense to me. The test time you have sex with someone after they’ve given birth and you say that?

However, I have to caution, you will soon have the hysterical mob out with the pitch forks telling you to ltb and criticise his penis.

what a nasty, misogynistic comment.

My vagina would clamp shut and no open again for the foreseeable future
Your husband is horrible making insensitive comments about your body after recently giving birth. Your body is still healing.

It isn’t weaponising sex to decide you’re turned off by an objectifying, insensitive arsehole and don’t want sex with him.

I’d be inclined to actually weaponise sex, buy a larger than him dildo and keep it in view, and if he asks say well you’re not as tight anymore so need something bigger than him to satisfy.

@SillyPeachAnt

i think people are just saying OP that if their husband had said this to them then they would be too pissed off with him to be in the mood for sex with him.

There's absolutely no justifiable reason on his part to come out with that comment.

Something tells me that he'll feign hurt and indignation and YOU'LL end up comforting HIM 🙄

Horrible thing to say . What an insensitive twat. Sorry

Whilst he might not have intended to be hurtful it is a hurtful comment, you are not his sex doll you are a human who has given birth to his children. I think it's important to share with him how this has hurt you. Liken it to how might he feel if you commented afterwards "You don't get as hard as you used to". No doubt this would give him similar feelings of insecurity as you are feeling right now.