Pregnant at the same time as my mum – feeling weird about it!

It's not about energy, it's about biology : There are several risks of having a baby at 45, including genetic abnormalities in children, gestational diabetes, and preeclampsia. And this is a person who has had kids already.

Occasional babysitting as a grandmother can not be compared to being a mother 24/7. Not to mention all possible complications for the geriatric mother and possible genetic abnormalities in babies. We might look great in our forties but it's not ideal to have a baby at 45.

To posters with this belief why is there no age limit to being a foster parent in the UK. That's because age doesn't get taken into consideration. It's whether the potential carers are fit & healthy. This is exactly the same argument as to whether having a child in your 40s is the right decision. You can't generalise.

Reading your posts again, OP and I'm struck by how young your mum was when she had you. Is there a chance the "bump buddies" thing hit a nerve because you already feel your relationship is more two friends than a mum and a daughter? And you're hurt now because this was the one time you thought you might get the proper "mum experience"?

It's quite common for young mums to end up relating to their daughters in this way. To become the "we're best friends!" mum, and not see what's wrong with that. Then the daughter grows up and can't understand why she feels frustrated and even resentful, at times, even though she's "so close" with Mum. The child often feels guilty for even having those feelings. "Mum and I have such a good relationship, she's like my best friend. Why do I feel like this?" The truth is that the relationship they have would be great. For friends. Cousins. Sisters, even. But as a mum and daughter relationship, there's something missing in it. And even if you've never consciously thought about it that way . . . you feel it, sometimes.

This can be a hard thing to work through, because in cases like this, it's not that your mum is a bad person, or doesn't love you. So you feel like you're not allowed to resent the relationship you missed out on. Let alone ever talk about it. Mum did the best she could, and it would hurt her feelings too much to bring it up, so usually in a situation like this, you just don't. But you still have those feelings, and they have to go somewhere. It's tough.

I could be way off base, of course. Maybe that's not how it is at all with your mum. It's just that some of the things you said felt familiar, and made me wonder if this whole thing is bringing up deeper issues for you. It would be completely understandable. Especially with hormones in the mix.

This.

My sister had her first DC 8 years before I did and my mum was able to support her and be the doting granny. Unfortunately she developed dementia (tbh was probably already in the early stages when sister had her DC) and by the time my own DC was born, it was often touch and go whether she actually knew who I was. And sadly died when my DC were 3 and 2.

@mgh663 Haven't read the whole thread but I've been in this situation (I'd be your child in the situation 😂). It was great growing up with an uncle a few weeks younger than me. We were more brothers than anything.

My Nan didn't work after having her youngest so she the childcare around school time.

It may feel strange but I'm sure there will be tonnes of perks along the way. My parents always had a babysitter when they needed!

The newborn phase is so short don't put so much emphasis on that. I know you'll miss having your mum as a practical support system. But you have time to build a plan b for that.

Think about long term future your baby will have a lovely aunt uncle who is like a cousin or sibling to be a pal for their whole lives growing up and once you're gone. This is lovely for them.