Pregnant at the same time as my mum – feeling weird about it!

She’s remarried and has been TTC with her DH2 for a while, so I’m happy for her, but I can’t shake this strange feeling about it.

When did this 'strange feeling' start? When you were pregnant or before?

You KNEW she was trying to conceive. At 45 she's bang up against her biological timeclock and couldn't afford to postpone conceiving. But you at 27 presumably could have, if you found the idea of being pregnant together off-putting.

So judgemental and so many assumptions.

OP feels uncomfortable about this, that doesn't mean she is "overthinking" it. She is allowed her feelings and to discuss them. The number of babies born worldwide likely has no impact on how OP feels about her situation. We don't even know if OP was TTC.

Sorry OP but if you marry young & subsequently have grown-up children who go on to have babies your mother has every right to live her life & have a child with her new partner. The days of Grannies sitting with their knitting has long gone. You should be happy for your mother & embrace this new & lovely dynamic 😊

It is weird. I find it quite selfish of her tbh.

It's your turn to, she should be in full excited grandma mode not "bump buddies". Eww. I wouldn't want my mum to be comparing symptoms and growth centiles etc. I'd want her to be excited about my baby, offering to babysit rather than swapping babysitting days. It's also hardly going to be a normal sibling relationship is it.

Also quite odd as you'll want to make mum friends but if you're local and in the same baby groups as your mum then it'll be a completely different experience.

Awww OP. There are so many different feelings going around for everyone involved. It's ok to feel weird, annoyed, put out, delighted, excited etc even all at the same time.
I know it must be hard but if I was you I would focus on the positives. What a lovely thing for you all. Id embrace it. A very unique experience for you to have with your mum who is still a relatively young woman herself although age wise I am sure she is anxious about pregnancy etc.
Take care of yourself and your mum and I wish your family every happiness on this new adventure x

I don’t mean to be negative or nasty, but I’d be more concerned about her having a mc. It’s the most likely outcome at age 45. Hopefully she’s not going to, but I’d kind of just take things as they come really.

I’d feel the same way. It’s an unexpected situation and Granny is unlikely to as available and focused on your baby and you as you were expecting. But it is what it is and hopefully will work out well.

Oh come on
There's a fair bit of 'I want' going on here
Her mum is a person in her own right enjoying a new relationship, absolutely nothing selfish about it

I don’t think it’s normal to be pregnant at the same time as your mother is so I can completely understand why it must be very strange for you to experience this.

Whilst I’m sure she’s excited about becoming a granny, her having her own baby right now overshadows this experience for you, and yes I get that you wanted her in “granny mode” but instead she’s going to be in “mum mode”. It’s not the same dynamic as being pregnant at the same time as a friend, she’s your mother.

I’m sure it will all end up fine and they will have a great bond growing up together.

I think OP is worried that her mothers baby will take away attention from her baby.....resources such as as time, money, affection.....

Well, there’s also that. There’s a higher chance of a miscarriage for a woman pregnant at 45. Obviously one wishes the OP’s mother the best, but a pregnancy doesn’t always result in a baby.

Would you feel better if you asked your mum to back off on the ‘bump buddies’ phrasing? She surely can’t be so obtuse as to not realise the situation is not all that common or that you might have mixed feelings about it.

If your feelings are mixed I think it’s reasonable to express that, rather than have to pretend throughout your pregnancy and beyond that this situation is jolly.

Be lovely about it and be delighted for her pregnancy but ask or suggest that she finds a pregnancy buddy in her social circle. This way you reclaim some psychological space for yourself whilst you come to terms with this surprising situation.

I don't think you are wrong or bad to feel weird about it at all. However it is happening, you can't change it, so you better get used to the idea! To be honest it will be quite some time before either child is old enough to understand that the ARE aunt/uncle & niece/nephew or/and that usually these people would be different ages. For them, they will probably enjoy having a similar age playmate, who they will just see like more cousins.

I'm almost your mums age and teenage pregnancy was through the roof back then. I've worked in a lot of education settings and uncles/nieces/aunts/nephews very common in the same class these days. It's just the way it is people having babies at the start of their fertility means there's scope for this to happen. It's not as abnormal or weird as you think it's just biology 🙃

The way some people talk about older Mums on Mumsnet is unbelievable. 'Irresponsible' to have a baby at 45, will be knackered running after kids etc.

Women have been having babies at this age forever. As loads of PP say, back in the day it was really common (my DM is the same age has her oldest nieces).

Can understand OP feeling like she wants her Mum around etc but her Mum is entitled to her own life.

Yeah I would feel weird about this too but I guess the peril of her having you so young, it was always a possibility. Good luck to her at 45, I am 45 and can't imagine doing baby phase again!

OP might want more than one child? Her mother has already given birth - why should the OP jeopardise her chances of having the family she wants?

Your 'experience' is only special to you, lots of people do it.

I was also pregnant at the same time as my daughter but I lost mine. I know have a 3 year old grandson

I had another baby last year though which is probably weirder. So my daughter has a nephew 2 years older than her

Equally why should OP's Mum jeopardise the family she wants just to keep OP happy?

I would find it very strange. And I would also feel a bit disappointed and let down.

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

However, it's happening, you'll just need to make the best of it.

I think it's perfectly normal to feel a bit sad about this. You may have been wanting your mum to mother you again, to be excited about the baby and to help where you want. Whereas now she's going to be busier and it won't be the same experience for you.

Yes this.
This is a much wanted baby and as many have pointed out at 45 anything could happen.
The alternative is your mum is utterly devastated and heartbroken.
This child will enhance your mum's life.
I think you need to change your mindset to see this as a positive thing and not something inconvenient affecting your own plans.

My aunt was 47 with her final baby. She was amazing & he kept her young. I'm baffled as to why women in their 40s should only be Grannies 👵 😂

I think it's understandable to feel it's strange/weird .

Dare I ask though about your MIL - if you have one - now she will hopefully be thrilled presumably to be involved and ready to be there for you ?