Pregnant at the same time as my mum – feeling weird about it!

Happened to a friend of mine, she was 24 and her mum was 45, her mum had her DD in the November, my friend had her DS in the March. Was actually baby no. 2 for my friend and my friends older sister already had 3 DS so her mum was already a grandmother to 4 when she had her youngest!
The lived very near each other and the children were very close, in the same class all throughout primary, no one thought it odd, was just one of those things!
Friends DS is now 19 and about to be a dad, but she has no intentions of having another 🤣

I'm not suggesting that the mother should give up her own chances of motherhood.

The OP cannot help how she feels. The suggestion that she should have waited before conceiving is not a sensible one, however.

I remember "Father of the Bride pt 2" where Steve Martin confesses to a moment of "pure insanity" to the Doctor. and their DD is also pregnant ! My friend at work when I was 18 also was pregnant (married young) and her DM who seemed Ancient at the grand old age of 37 was as well! I think as time goes on it will be great to have a close bond and talk about baby things .

Quite!

It could be worse OP, my friend at school (we were 15) got pregnant to a 19 year old guy.
When she was about 4 months pregnant her mum fell pregnant.... To the SAME guy.

The mum and the guy had been secretly sleeping together the whole time. He broke up with my friend and became her step dad....

(but also YANBU to feel a bit weird about your situation too ❤️)

I can understand why it feels a bit weird. But you knew she was trying so there was a possibility this would happen. In your position I would probably have waited a couple of years. But for now you’re just going to have to concentrate on being pregnant and to try and enjoy it.

Congratulations OP to you and your mother. I am sure that it will work out for the best in the long run.

I understand that this isn't the way you envisioned you PG & that you were looking forward to being the only person in your immediate family PG looking forward to the support of your mother & all that entails.

My grandmother had her last baby (aged 42) a few months before my mother had me. We were in the same class at school and I remember that I used to sometimes gently tease my uncle by calling him Uncle in class. We have always been particularly close - as children we played at each other's houses, I had some of his hand-me-down clothes & my grandmother & mother were able to share school holiday childcare, school runs, babysitting for each other etc enabling them both to work.

I have a rather large family. We are very close, many of us live near each other & meet regularly. My DCs call my cousins Auntie & Uncle & consider their 1st cousins (children of my cousins) close to being siblings. Now my cousin's children have started having children my oldest <unpartnered> DC has commented that it's a bit like having his own - only he gets all the fun of taking them out & having them to stay with him without the responsibility of full-time parenting of them. 😂

I hope that you both have good PGs & am sure that you will both give birth to happy, healthy babies who will grow up to be the best of friends. 😍

My auntie is 5 years older than me and 2 years younger than my sister.
There was over 10 years between my nan and her siblings due to the war and one of my dads cousins was also my age and another the same age as my older sister.
It has been fun and interesting growing up in a family with blended generations.

OMG! That is just weird - what a perv!!! 😱

I'd feel the same, but as someone who is your mother's age I can tell you many of my friends are still having babies and have toddlers. 45 isn't grandma age at all these days. I can still see how it'd be weird for you though.

OP you seem lovely and I don’t think it’s weird to find it weird!

You can feel both things- happy for your mum, understanding that she’s entitled to a baby if she likes and excited for both of your families and a bit ick about it and sad she won’t be able to support you as much possibly as she would have otherwise.

I get it- my mum stayed for a week after I had each child, helped with childcare, helped cook meals and babysits regularly. I wouldn’t expect that level of support from someone heavily pregnant or with a newborn (obviously!) so it’s a very different experience. You’ll have help and support in other ways as you’ve discussed school hols etc but it’s maybe not how you imagined. Let yourself feel sad or disappointed and then move on :) congrats on the baby!

Yes, this isn't just about the mum is it? There's another human being to consider and their needs (not wants) must take precedence. I know every PG carries some degree of risk but they increase with age and there comes a point when you are gambling with human life when your odds aren't that good.

I remember when I had my third that the woman in the next bed with her new baby and her daughter was in the next ward with her baby, born a day apart. They were both very excited about it.
It’ll be lovely and a great support bringing your babies up together, you’ll probably find it easier.
Look upon it as a blessing.

As someone already said, this used to be perfectly normal. I have a couple of cousins who are older than two of my uncles.

Op, I live in a society where this happens a lot and yes, I understand how you’re feeling about it all but everything will be ok and your mum will be a granny to your baby.

Some people try for a while in their 20's too. She hasn't 'forced it' no more than the next person who has also been trying for a while.

Clearly her body is still capable of getting pregnant.

If there are ageist threads on mumsnet people haven't seen surely this thread has to be the most typical example.

What a cheek! Her mum is irresponsible? And you are entitled to say that because?….. How rude!

Why 'used to be' as if it was something freaky. 🤣

@arcticpandas

give over, I know loads of women who are way fitter and healthier in their forties and fifties than some women in their twenties

Honestly OP I think I’d feel quite pissed off. But in time it may mean the babies end up with a lovely bond. I just hope you’re still going to get the fuss and help you deserve. I had my second at 31 and that was brutal compared to my first at 27 and I can’t comprehend having one at 45, but I know some
people are much healthier than others.

I was 23 having my first child. A woman in my ward was 42. I never gave it a second thought.I'd be interested to know why some people are so judgemental 🤔

Oh dear! I know exactly how you feel, and although I’d like to tell you to get over yourself, I can’t, because I would feel EXACTLY the same. You want your mum to be the doting nana with eyes for no other baby, and I so see that. You want her to be pushing your baby in the pram, not walking beside you with a pram of her own.
There is no way this can be altered and I’m afraid you are just going to have to accept it. It’s such a shame though.

I remembering this happening when I was at school! One of my class mates big sisters was 19. Myclassmate was 11 or 12 ,it was first year high school, and mum was pregnant. My friend got teased quite a bit for a while and the it died off.

How far along is your Mum OP? Unless she’s had her 12 week scan, I would definitely not say anything to her about how you’re feeling, because most pregnancies at her age end in miscarriage. And it would be awful if you’d expressed negativity towards her.