I've mad an utter fool of myself

People are calling it a mistake, because it is, but not a 'minor mistake', because it isn't.

I've known men that would have laughed this all off as well. Left the kitchen and had a quiet word with her mum and dad about you feeling a bit sick and probably time to get you home to bed. Wrapped the evening up. Saved your humiliation.

I’m surprised you need to keep explaining it to people. It is clear what she meant. She was pointing out you’re envious of her and she doesn’t wish to be you at thay moment.

it was a clever response. And you need to look at it in context of the situation. You were drunk, made a pass at her partner, had been trying to flirt with him in the lead up, something she likely fully knows, and sobbing in the kitchen. With all your parents next door. Of course right there she didn’t wish to be you. Even you , in hindsight , wouldn’t wish to be you in that moment when you reflect back.

and it was a smart retort to you telling her you hated her as she was beautiful and “had him” and your behaviour of steadily trying to get with her partner.

Well she was lol

I agree with you @KarlaKK . It’s nice if your parents have your back when the chips are down, even if you flung them there yourself! And they likely want a strong word the next day when you have sobered up!

A psychologist might say that the wound of being left after 4 years by a man saying “our lifestyles didn’t match” was reopened by seeing said man “all loved up” in front of OP. She knows it doesn’t excuse but it’s likely part of why OP seriously acted out on the evening.

@MangoAndMelon @KarlaKK @ThreeCheersFor5Years

I'm a nice person who made a mistake st reading and asked a question. I wasn't nasty to anyone. Do you really have to pile on? Especially when you didn't even help answer for me.

"It’s nice if your parents have your back when the chips are down, even if you flung them there yourself!" Totally agree. I know my dad would have rescued me from the kitchen and got me out of there quickly and would have told me over the next few days it wasn't that big of a deal - so what she acted like she did. She was drunk and not herself. She wouldn't have acted like that sober. I've done stupid stuff when drunk.

The more I think about it the more I think the exBF could have handled it better and the current girlfriend could have stayed well away. I could not imagine myself going into the kitchen to speak to the OP if I were her and I'm amazed the ex's parents let it happen. If they are friends to your parents and presumably know you they would have handled this to make minimum fuss - quiet word to your parents about you not feeling great and time to get you to bed etc. I think the ex has been a drama queen and stirred things up. She made a pass at him and he rebuffed her. Not that big a deal.

Honestly stop trying to make it his fault. It’s a real stretch.

That sounds nothing like what she meant. You need to get over that part anyway, it doesn’t matter what she meant you behaved extremely badly and she doesn’t know you.

I did, I replied originally saying no 👍 if you care to read.

I just don’t get this, if someone was cracking onto my husband I’d want to know, and I would go into the kitchen and tell her to do one. The partner showed restraint. And if she was drunk and sloppy I’d have no hesitation in quietly commenting to someone to ask her to leave.

id be furious if my husband didn’t tell me and tried to protect a woman who has been trying to flirt with him for months and then tried to kiss him in the kitchen when I was right there.

im fairly sure a lot of these responses are not thinking of the partner and because the op is female. They are trying to make it the man’s fault. That somehow he must be to blame.

he isn’t.nor is his partner. Or the parents.

Completely agree.

He didn't need to tell her then and there though - nothing to be gained by that.

No one is saying it is the man's fault, but he definitely could have handled it better. The parents are old family friends at the end of the day.

Ok then we agree to disagree, I would also have said there and then.

Maybe with hindsight he could have handled it in a more discreet way re the parents (he was right to tell his GF immediately), but he was confronted with a woman he was no longer interested in trying to kiss him while drunk and who when rebuffed started sobbing. How was he to know that you weren't going to accuse him of coming on to you? Having been told, his GF was hardly going to be happy. You are not the vcctim here though.

That said, it is not the end of the world. Sincere messages to him/her and both sets of parents apologising and then block him.

OP, you keep saying you feel humiliated because you thought he was interested back, but it hindsight wasn't.

That is HUGE problem.

That's one thing if he's single, but he isn't. If he was giving you signals, then he's an utter piece of shit human, and you're no better for going after him in the first place. It's not nothing to do with you misinterpreting the signs and everything to do with not even going there in the first place.

@ThreeCheersFor5Years yeah and you added a sarky RTFT, followed by a lol at my expense. And now "if I care to read", which clearly I struggled with. So thanks, I feel crap for asking a question and being piled on when I wanted to understand better and try to offer some help to OP.

Okay.

She was so devastated she had another longterm relationship and a couple of kids.

I do appreciate how hard it can be to see an ex with a new partner, especially if you're feeling possibly isolated and lonely. I think the best way to go about it is the apology texts to your ex (extending the apology to his partner) and to his parents. An apology won't fix anything but if you are truly sincere you can wrap this situation up with hopefully no hard or lingering feelings.

I disagree with the comments criticising your ex and his new partner. Your ex did right by his girlfriend by addressing the situation immediately and considering you said you hated her - to her face - I don't blame either of them for reacting badly.

No it isn't. You seem to lack any sense of proportion or nuance or context. Everyone is so flipping alarmist and black and white about everything these days. I despair, honestly.

He tried to kiss her, not rape her. She's not a stranger he's cornered in a dark alley. She's someone he dated for several years who he has recently reconnected with and has been trying to flirt with. He tried his luck with a kiss, it didn't work out. Trying to kiss someone you've previously been intimate with for several years isn't the same as sexual assault, unless, as I said, there are other aggravating factors. Get a grip.

I'm not defending the behaviour by the way, it was ill judged and stupid, but it wasn't dangerous or wicked or predatory.

It doesn't matter how long you've known someone or if they said yes before, there are absolutely no signs at all that he/she would be receptive to a pass. The level of thought that went into it is worrying.

The worst of the sheer CRINGE feeling will pass in a few days OP. Blame it all on the drink (I mean it probably was the drink).

Don’t agree that elaborate apologies are the way to go. That’s just adding fuel to the fire. Least said soonest mended.

PPs have been kind OP, and I don’t want to stick the boot in, and you can blame the drink for coming onto him, but you were messaging him when sober. You knew he had a GF but were trying to make a move anyway. That’s low. And you know how it feels to be cheated on so you should know better really.
A less kind person than me (lol) might say the embarrassment is the least you deserve after the hurt you were willing to inflict on the GF, and your ex tbf by trying to get him to cheat with you.
You’ll be ok though OP, you can apologise and get through this.

Keep any apology short and to the point and then block and move on.

Don't waffle on with excuses.

Hi NAME, I want to apologise for my behaviour the other night. I'm sorry for any embarrassment or offence that I caused. Best wishes, YOUR NAME.