I've mad an utter fool of myself

I've known men that would have laughed this all off as well. Left the kitchen and had a quiet word with her mum and dad about you feeling a bit sick and probably time to get you home to bed. Wrapped the evening up. Saved your humiliation.

I think that's what most people would have done. Especially as he'd previously been in a long relationship with her. They seemed on reasonably good terms so why he felt the need to act like a scalded cat over it, I don't know. It just ruined a pleasant evening for everyone. he could have told his GF quietly later on. Not hugely chivalrous or understanding of him, considering he'd obviously once loved this girl and she'd obviously been through the mill recently and was at a low ebb and not thinking straight. No real harm was done.

Unless the OP is not being completely honest about her behaviour immediately after she was rebuffed. Perhaps she put him in a position where he had no choice but tell people because she was shouting and wailing like an angry, sloppy drunk. But as always with these things, we can only guess at the truth.

So I'm 30 now, I have a 2 year old DC, my partner left me for another woman 8 months ago and I haven't been myself since. Before my partner I had a long term relationship, he left me as he felt our lifestyles didn't match. We broke up when I was 25 and he was 24 after being together for 4.5 years.

Soon after the break up he moved abroad. Anyway this Christmas I went with my family for a post dinner drink at the pub and he happened to be there, with his girlfriend and his family. We chatted for like 30 minutes, nothing over the top just about life, he introduced me to his girlfriend.
After I left I was so confused, I felt like the spark was still there but equally I was worried I was misinterpreting the situation. So I found his instagram and sent a follow request, he accepted and I messaged saying how nice it was to see him. We continued messaging, honestly upon reflection his replies were very dry but I wasn't reading it like that. He did mention his girlfriend a lot but for some reason I still decided to try and flirt.

Skip ahead, yesterday I was visiting my parents and they told me they were going out with his parents for dinner. This is normal my parents and his parents were friends long before we were born and have maintained the friendship. My mum decided to ask if it would be okay if I joined them, they said yes. When I arrived I realised that my ex and his girlfriend were also there. I found the meal really difficult, seeing him all loved up with her made me feel sick and I just didn't know how to act, I must have seemed so off.

We then went back to his from some after dinner wine, I was pretty drunk by this point and he went to get another bottle from the kitchen, I decided to follow him, I don't know why or what I was expecting. I then took it upon myself to try and kiss him, he immediately pushed me back and asked me wtf I was doing and if I had lost my mind. I started sobbing in the kitchen and he went and immediately told his girlfriend.
Next thing she came through and I was still crying and she asked me what I did that for. I said I don't know and just got increasingly upset. She isn't British and has a heavy accent at times so I struggled to understand her but I eventually said something like "I don't know I guess I'm just jealous cause you're beautiful and have him and I don't" and then I muttered under my breath "I hate you". She quickly replied to that with "Funny how I've never been hated by someone I wanted to swap positions in life with" or something like that and walked away. By this time he must of told his parents and his parents must have suggested to my parents we leave so my mum came and got me and said let's go.
When we got home my mum went mad asking if I've lost my mind or if I'm trying to sabotage her friendship and their relationship.

I got a can back to mine and I spoke to some friends, i genuinely believed that he was into me from the messages but other friends have now seen screenshots and all told me it was totally in my head and he was mentioning his girlfriend every few messages.

AIBU to just want to be swallowed whole by the earth, I'm so embarrassed and this is very out of character for me. I have a career and friends and a normal life I'm not crazy. How do I recover from this, my friends think I've lost my mind, my parents are clearly upset with me. What do I do?

I'm going to give you a bashing OP. How could you???!!! Would you have liked it if another woman moved on your man like that? You tried to be a thief and it backfired. Have you no morals? The man even introduced you to his gf!! I'm sure the gf did not mutter what you've said because why would she wanna swap lives with a thief with no morals? Tried to kiss him with her upstairs? Ugh. You're incredibly lucky thinks ended peacefully. Hopefully, he has blocked you by now because you deserve it. You need therapy and some self love. Have your parents relay an apology on your behalf.

In fairness, you’ve had designs on her boyfriend for several days and then tried to kiss him, if he’d kissed you back and dumped her, and you’d run off into the sunset, you’d have ruined her life and she’d be feeling incredibly sad and vulnerable in a foreign country.

I think you’re stuck in a bit of a victim mentality where you feel so sorry for yourself that you aren’t really seeing that you tried to harm this woman’s relationship and happy life.

She isn’t your parents, or your ex or your parents long term friends who all presumably care for you, she’s a stranger whose life you tried to ruin because you felt sorry for yourself. You don’t get to make her into the bad guy. She’s a normal woman with feelings and probably her own difficult and upsetting past circumstances, your irritation at what she said is unfounded and you need to give her a little bit of grace, if you’re asking for a lorry load of it from everyone yourself.

Thanks everyone. I feel so stupid.

How would I be best to apologise, just an instagram message or should I hand write a letter or card? What should I say?

None of the above. Yep, you fucked up and yep it is super embarrassing.

Unfollow him and never message him again and you've already apologised, so just move on.

If someone brings it up try to laugh and say "Yeah, how embarrassing, oh well, I you live and learn and I already apologise" and then change the subject.

Definitely do not try to contact either of them ever again. You cannot fix this, it's just hugely embarrassing for everyone and the girlfriend will definitely want nothing to do with you, ever, and there is literally nothing you can say that will make it right anyway.

You've already apologised.. Unfollow him on everything, never message him again, and move on.

I’d apologise, I don’t feel ignoring it is the best thing for you or your parents. It is cowardly.

id go breezy though something like “omg I’m so sorry about last night, I was drunk, nostalgic and emotional. Genuinely there was nothing behind it, and I’m dying over here, hope you can all forgive the drunken antics!”

and leave it there,

I think that's what most people would have done. Especially as he'd previously been in a long relationship with her. They seemed on reasonably good terms so why he felt the need to act like a scalded cat over it, I don't know. It just ruined a pleasant evening for everyone. he could have told his GF quietly later on. Not hugely chivalrous or understanding of him, considering he'd obviously once loved this girl and she'd obviously been through the mill recently and was at a low ebb and not thinking straight. No real harm was done.

Unless the OP is not being completely honest about her behaviour immediately after she was rebuffed. Perhaps she put him in a position where he had no choice but tell people because she was shouting and wailing like an angry, sloppy drunk. But as always with these things, we can only guess at the truth.

You’re very forgiving, OP. He’s not a good dad, because he dumped you and disrupted his child’s home life to follow his dick. I hope you find happiness with someone better soon. Meanwhile, be kind to yourself xx

Cannot believe the drama of the guy going and telling the girlfriend immediately and this playing out in front of everyone 🥹🫣 what a drama queen.

Normal person would have waited until everyone had left and then been like “you’ll never guess what…”

So, I guess this is what the gf was essentially saying.

The gf sounds pretty unpleasant and lacking empathy

The gf sounds pretty unpleasant and lacking empathy

I sort of agree with this. It’s right he told his gf what happened, as keeping a secret of it would have looked sus, but by god he could have handled it better.