I've mad an utter fool of myself

Cloes · 2025-01-27T08:17:23+00:00

So I'm 30 now, I have a 2 year old DC, my partner left me for another woman 8 months ago and I haven't been myself since. Before my partner I had a long term relationship, he left me as he felt our lifestyles didn't match. We broke up when I was 25 and he was 24 after being together for 4.5 years. Soon after the break up he moved abroad. Anyway this Christmas I went with my family for a post dinner drink at the pub and he happened to be there, with his girlfriend and his family. We chatted for like 30 minutes, nothing over the top just about life, he introduced me to his girlfriend. After I left I was so confused, I felt like the spark was still there but equally I was worried I was misinterpreting the situation. So I found his instagram and sent a follow request, he accepted and I messaged saying how nice it was to see him. We continued messaging, honestly upon reflection his replies were very dry but I wasn't reading it like that. He did mention his girlfriend a lot but for some reason I still decided to try and flirt. Skip ahead, yesterday I was visiting my parents and they told me they were going out with his parents for dinner. This is normal my parents and his parents were friends long before we were born and have maintained the friendship. My mum decided to ask if it would be okay if I joined them, they said yes. When I arrived I realised that my ex and his girlfriend were also there. I found the meal really difficult, seeing him all loved up with her made me feel sick and I just didn't know how to act, I must have seemed so off. We then went back to his from some after dinner wine, I was pretty drunk by this point and he went to get another bottle from the kitchen, I decided to follow him, I don't know why or what I was expecting. I then took it upon myself to try and kiss him, he immediately pushed me back and asked me wtf I was doing and if I had lost my mind. I started sobbing in the kitchen and he went and immediately told his girlfriend. Next thing she came through and I was still crying and she asked me what I did that for. I said I don't know and just got increasingly upset. She isn't British and has a heavy accent at times so I struggled to understand her but I eventually said something like "I don't know I guess I'm just jealous cause you're beautiful and have him and I don't" and then I muttered under my breath "I hate you". She quickly replied to that with "Funny how I've never been hated by someone I wanted to swap positions in life with" or something like that and walked away. By this time he must of told his parents and his parents must have suggested to my parents we leave so my mum came and got me and said let's go. When we got home my mum went mad asking if I've lost my mind or if I'm trying to sabotage her friendship and their relationship. I got a can back to mine and I spoke to some friends, i genuinely believed that he was into me from the messages but other friends have now seen screenshots and all told me it was totally in my head and he was mentioning his girlfriend every few messages. AIBU to just want to be swallowed whole by the earth, I'm so embarrassed and this is very out of character for me. I have a career and friends and a normal life I'm not crazy. How do I recover from this, my friends think I've lost my mind, my parents are clearly upset with me. What do I do?

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 31/01/2025 23:05

InterIgnis · 31/01/2025 23:04

Mmhmm

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well that’s me told I guess.

InterIgnis · 31/01/2025 23:04

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 31/01/2025 23:03

Well no, she’s not casting herself in the role of victim or refusing to be held to account.

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Mmhmm

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 31/01/2025 23:03

InterIgnis · 31/01/2025 22:36

Reading her posts lol.

The irrelevant sad backstory was absolutely detailed to cast herself in the role of victim, as if having a bad time means you can’t be an arsehole and held to account for being one. Then there was also the feeling sorry for herself because the mean girlfriend said something that made her feel bad.

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Well no, she’s not casting herself in the role of victim or refusing to be held to account.

InterIgnis · 31/01/2025 22:36

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 31/01/2025 20:46

She isn’t playing the victim though. Where on earth did you get that from? 😵‍💫

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Reading her posts lol.

The irrelevant sad backstory was absolutely detailed to cast herself in the role of victim, as if having a bad time means you can’t be an arsehole and held to account for being one. Then there was also the feeling sorry for herself because the mean girlfriend said something that made her feel bad.

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 31/01/2025 20:46

InterIgnis · 30/01/2025 17:47

Sure, but that doesn’t change the fact that what she did was shitty and she’s not some victim because the people she was shitty towards didn’t tailor their response to her feelings. I’ve never done what OP did, but have I been shitty to people when they’ve done nothing to deserve it? Absofuckinglutely! I’ve taken ownership of that, not made excuses for myself, played the victim, and/or expected sympathy and forgiveness.

She’s been making a complete tit of herself since she saw him at Christmas, and I’m assuming she hasn’t been drunk the entire time. She actively pursued a man in a relationship and she’s now butthurt she got rejected.

To compound matters, she then sent her friends screenshots for validation that her actions were justified, as if that ‘but I thought he was interested in an affair!’ reflects in any other way than poorly upon her. There probably will be some social consequences for what she did, because she’s not demonstrated traits that most would desire in a friend.

Her mortification is entirely her own fault, and it’s entirely on her to suck up the confidences of her actions. No one owes it to her to make her feel better about it.

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She isn’t playing the victim though. Where on earth did you get that from? 😵‍💫

fairycakes1234 · 30/01/2025 20:04

MangoAndMelon · 30/01/2025 17:43

Oh so @fairycakes1234 and @stopthepigeonstopthepigeon how did you tryong to kiss a spoken for guy in that situation go for you? I am assuming you have done that.

"Making a tit of yourself" and trying to kiss a guy I dated decade ago then crying because he said no and his GF and all the parents parents are there, because he was polite to me in messges and I got delusion that he is into me is not is really something any of my friends or I have done. Frankly, it's not something most women have done imho. Because it's really twatty.

I made right tit of myself without being a twat and going after taken man. Now that is something what most of us have done. Most people have made right tit of themselves at one point or another.

Give over

MangoAndMelon · 30/01/2025 18:27

InterIgnis · 30/01/2025 17:47

Sure, but that doesn’t change the fact that what she did was shitty and she’s not some victim because the people she was shitty towards didn’t tailor their response to her feelings. I’ve never done what OP did, but have I been shitty to people when they’ve done nothing to deserve it? Absofuckinglutely! I’ve taken ownership of that, not made excuses for myself, played the victim, and/or expected sympathy and forgiveness.

She’s been making a complete tit of herself since she saw him at Christmas, and I’m assuming she hasn’t been drunk the entire time. She actively pursued a man in a relationship and she’s now butthurt she got rejected.

To compound matters, she then sent her friends screenshots for validation that her actions were justified, as if that ‘but I thought he was interested in an affair!’ reflects in any other way than poorly upon her. There probably will be some social consequences for what she did, because she’s not demonstrated traits that most would desire in a friend.

Her mortification is entirely her own fault, and it’s entirely on her to suck up the confidences of her actions. No one owes it to her to make her feel better about it.

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Gotnit perfect

Simon Cowell Wow GIF by America's Got Talent

Createausername1970 · 30/01/2025 17:51

Fencehedge · 27/01/2025 08:48

Do you not see him when he collects your child? Does he pay good maintenance?

I'd blame the drink but you need to lift your head up and carry on. His girlfriend knows about his child, yes?

You act like everyone has forgotten the baby?

Edited

Wrong ex

InterIgnis · 30/01/2025 17:47

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 30/01/2025 17:28

Maybe not this exact scenario, but most people have made a complete tit of themselves when drunk at least once.

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Sure, but that doesn’t change the fact that what she did was shitty and she’s not some victim because the people she was shitty towards didn’t tailor their response to her feelings. I’ve never done what OP did, but have I been shitty to people when they’ve done nothing to deserve it? Absofuckinglutely! I’ve taken ownership of that, not made excuses for myself, played the victim, and/or expected sympathy and forgiveness.

She’s been making a complete tit of herself since she saw him at Christmas, and I’m assuming she hasn’t been drunk the entire time. She actively pursued a man in a relationship and she’s now butthurt she got rejected.

To compound matters, she then sent her friends screenshots for validation that her actions were justified, as if that ‘but I thought he was interested in an affair!’ reflects in any other way than poorly upon her. There probably will be some social consequences for what she did, because she’s not demonstrated traits that most would desire in a friend.

Her mortification is entirely her own fault, and it’s entirely on her to suck up the confidences of her actions. No one owes it to her to make her feel better about it.

MangoAndMelon · 30/01/2025 17:43

Oh so @fairycakes1234 and @stopthepigeonstopthepigeon how did you tryong to kiss a spoken for guy in that situation go for you? I am assuming you have done that.

"Making a tit of yourself" and trying to kiss a guy I dated decade ago then crying because he said no and his GF and all the parents parents are there, because he was polite to me in messges and I got delusion that he is into me is not is really something any of my friends or I have done. Frankly, it's not something most women have done imho. Because it's really twatty.

I made right tit of myself without being a twat and going after taken man. Now that is something what most of us have done. Most people have made right tit of themselves at one point or another.

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 30/01/2025 17:28

MangoAndMelon · 30/01/2025 15:07

Try not to worry , most of us have been there.

Sorry but I beg to differ. I would quite safely bet that most of us were not there🙈

Maybe not this exact scenario, but most people have made a complete tit of themselves when drunk at least once.

fairycakes1234 · 30/01/2025 17:14

MangoAndMelon · 30/01/2025 15:07

Try not to worry , most of us have been there.

Sorry but I beg to differ. I would quite safely bet that most of us were not there🙈

Ha have you not read all the mumsnet posts over the years, have you not had friends with dramas worse than that, suppose it depends on your age but rest assured she's not the first girl to get locked and won't be the last x

fairycakes1234 · 30/01/2025 17:13

Dweetfidilove · 30/01/2025 15:03

You told her you hate her, after throwing yourself at her boyfriend then creating a whole drama with your sobbing and questioning why he wasn't grateful for your advances?

Crikey 😒

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Drink can do strange things, she admitted she said it, she could have kept that out of her post but she was honest, anyway hopefully she's fine now and they all move on without too much drama

MangoAndMelon · 30/01/2025 15:07

Try not to worry , most of us have been there.

Sorry but I beg to differ. I would quite safely bet that most of us were not there🙈

Dweetfidilove · 30/01/2025 15:07

InterIgnis · 30/01/2025 01:29

A man walks out a room leaving a woman sobbing. Anyone seeing that would most likely jump to the conclusion that he’s done something to her.

He’s also just had the OP trying to kiss him and accuse him of leading her on whilst their respective parents and his girlfriend are in the next room. It’s frankly unhinged. For all he knows she’s going to run out behind him and accuse him of doing fuck knows what to her.

Even outside of those considerations, he doesn’t owe her anything. She chose to embarrass herself, drunk or not, and he isn’t obliged to spare her blushes. OP doesn’t get to act badly towards this couple then act as if she’s somehow the victim because they didn’t react in a way that best suited her.

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👏🏾👏🏾 Makes no sense that he's been labelled anything but right in how he dealt with it.

Dweetfidilove · 30/01/2025 15:03

Cloes · 27/01/2025 10:24

Somethings she was saying quite quickly in an almost rant, then I said "I hate you" and she really slowed down and said that. Obviously I could understand some of what she was saying even in the rant but not fully. She talks very fast.

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You told her you hate her, after throwing yourself at her boyfriend then creating a whole drama with your sobbing and questioning why he wasn't grateful for your advances?

Crikey 😒

Freshflower · 30/01/2025 14:52

Try not to worry , most of us have been there. I'd just message them both and say you are so sorry and embarrassed at what happened, you'd had a few and that you wish them all the best. Try and move on from there

InterIgnis · 30/01/2025 14:02

fairycakes1234 · 30/01/2025 11:45

Not all all, she truthfully said exactly what happened, she's mortified and know she did wrong and people were sympathetic? What's the problem?

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The obvious casting of herself as a tragic figure they should have treated with kid gloves, for one.

She’s mortified because she got rejected, the girlfriend confronted her, and she was shown up for behaving in a spectacularly shitty way. She’s not mortified at herself for wanting to start an affair with this man in the first place.

fairycakes1234 · 30/01/2025 11:45

InterIgnis · 30/01/2025 06:07

So what that she’s had a hard time? That doesn’t mean she gets free rein to behave as she did, or that those on the receiving end of her behavior are somehow wrong for not being ‘compassionate’.

He was wise not to open himself up to being accused of wrongdoing by making the rest of the party aware of what had just happened, and why there was a sobbing woman in the kitchen. The girlfriend was fully justified in telling OP what she thought of her, and that they wanted her to fuck out of their home quickly is completely understandable (and a normal reaction).

She’s been trying to start an affair with him since December, and presumably she hasn’t been drunk the entire time. This wasn’t a ‘drunken mistake’, this was OP seizing what she thought was an opportunity.

Everyone around her has told her she’s wrong for what she did and clearly aren’t indulging her pity party and validating her belief that he ‘led her on’. It reads like she’s posting here because she wants sympathy, to be told that a sad backstory makes her a victim that can’t really be held accountable for her actions, and that those she’s acted badly towards are mean for not coddling her.

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Not all all, she truthfully said exactly what happened, she's mortified and know she did wrong and people were sympathetic? What's the problem?

fairycakes1234 · 30/01/2025 11:43

AgentJohnson · 30/01/2025 05:07

I wish he had waited to tell her as I think I found this gorgeous girl having a go at me even more hurtful than the rejection.

STOP IT!!!! He and his gf are not at fault.

Own your behaviour and move the fuck on! If when you do drink you become reckless, then it’s a problem.

She did own her behaviour???

PurpleFlower1983 · 30/01/2025 06:19

You were in the wrong OP. It’s easy to let thoughts run away with you when you’re struggling with mental health but now you need to apologise to all concerned.

InterIgnis · 30/01/2025 06:07

KittyWindbag · 30/01/2025 05:38

I have to say I agree with this! OP did wrong and she know she did and is mortified. If his parents are really close to her parents he must have had an inkling of the hard time she’s been through plus everyone must have been aware her ex was also there being lovey with his new partner. Everyone could have handled the whole thing with a bit less hysteria and more compassion. She did a silly thing but no one feels worse about it than she does.

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So what that she’s had a hard time? That doesn’t mean she gets free rein to behave as she did, or that those on the receiving end of her behavior are somehow wrong for not being ‘compassionate’.

He was wise not to open himself up to being accused of wrongdoing by making the rest of the party aware of what had just happened, and why there was a sobbing woman in the kitchen. The girlfriend was fully justified in telling OP what she thought of her, and that they wanted her to fuck out of their home quickly is completely understandable (and a normal reaction).

She’s been trying to start an affair with him since December, and presumably she hasn’t been drunk the entire time. This wasn’t a ‘drunken mistake’, this was OP seizing what she thought was an opportunity.

Everyone around her has told her she’s wrong for what she did and clearly aren’t indulging her pity party and validating her belief that he ‘led her on’. It reads like she’s posting here because she wants sympathy, to be told that a sad backstory makes her a victim that can’t really be held accountable for her actions, and that those she’s acted badly towards are mean for not coddling her.

KittyWindbag · 30/01/2025 05:38

FindingGlimmers · 27/01/2025 08:59

Cannot believe the drama of the guy going and telling the girlfriend immediately and this playing out in front of everyone 🥹🫣 what a drama queen.

Normal person would have waited until everyone had left and then been like “you’ll never guess what…”

I have to say I agree with this! OP did wrong and she know she did and is mortified. If his parents are really close to her parents he must have had an inkling of the hard time she’s been through plus everyone must have been aware her ex was also there being lovey with his new partner. Everyone could have handled the whole thing with a bit less hysteria and more compassion. She did a silly thing but no one feels worse about it than she does.

AgentJohnson · 30/01/2025 05:07

I wish he had waited to tell her as I think I found this gorgeous girl having a go at me even more hurtful than the rejection.

STOP IT!!!! He and his gf are not at fault.

Own your behaviour and move the fuck on! If when you do drink you become reckless, then it’s a problem.

meh2025 · 30/01/2025 04:47

The ex did NOTHING wrong in this scenario. Literally nothing. He was reacting to an unwanted sexual overture and was shocked.

I cannot imagine any of you telling a woman who had just had her ex try to slobber on her while on the piss that she should just have been nicer and not embarrassed the poor drunken man.

Good on him for immediately telling his girlfriend and good on her for not being a doormat either.