Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I've mad an utter fool of myself

306 replies

Cloes · 27/01/2025 08:17

So I'm 30 now, I have a 2 year old DC, my partner left me for another woman 8 months ago and I haven't been myself since. Before my partner I had a long term relationship, he left me as he felt our lifestyles didn't match. We broke up when I was 25 and he was 24 after being together for 4.5 years.

Soon after the break up he moved abroad. Anyway this Christmas I went with my family for a post dinner drink at the pub and he happened to be there, with his girlfriend and his family. We chatted for like 30 minutes, nothing over the top just about life, he introduced me to his girlfriend.
After I left I was so confused, I felt like the spark was still there but equally I was worried I was misinterpreting the situation. So I found his instagram and sent a follow request, he accepted and I messaged saying how nice it was to see him. We continued messaging, honestly upon reflection his replies were very dry but I wasn't reading it like that. He did mention his girlfriend a lot but for some reason I still decided to try and flirt.

Skip ahead, yesterday I was visiting my parents and they told me they were going out with his parents for dinner. This is normal my parents and his parents were friends long before we were born and have maintained the friendship. My mum decided to ask if it would be okay if I joined them, they said yes. When I arrived I realised that my ex and his girlfriend were also there. I found the meal really difficult, seeing him all loved up with her made me feel sick and I just didn't know how to act, I must have seemed so off.

We then went back to his from some after dinner wine, I was pretty drunk by this point and he went to get another bottle from the kitchen, I decided to follow him, I don't know why or what I was expecting. I then took it upon myself to try and kiss him, he immediately pushed me back and asked me wtf I was doing and if I had lost my mind. I started sobbing in the kitchen and he went and immediately told his girlfriend.
Next thing she came through and I was still crying and she asked me what I did that for. I said I don't know and just got increasingly upset. She isn't British and has a heavy accent at times so I struggled to understand her but I eventually said something like "I don't know I guess I'm just jealous cause you're beautiful and have him and I don't" and then I muttered under my breath "I hate you". She quickly replied to that with "Funny how I've never been hated by someone I wanted to swap positions in life with" or something like that and walked away. By this time he must of told his parents and his parents must have suggested to my parents we leave so my mum came and got me and said let's go.
When we got home my mum went mad asking if I've lost my mind or if I'm trying to sabotage her friendship and their relationship.

I got a can back to mine and I spoke to some friends, i genuinely believed that he was into me from the messages but other friends have now seen screenshots and all told me it was totally in my head and he was mentioning his girlfriend every few messages.

AIBU to just want to be swallowed whole by the earth, I'm so embarrassed and this is very out of character for me. I have a career and friends and a normal life I'm not crazy. How do I recover from this, my friends think I've lost my mind, my parents are clearly upset with me. What do I do?

OP posts:
fairycakes1234 · 30/01/2025 20:04

MangoAndMelon · 30/01/2025 17:43

Oh so @fairycakes1234 and @stopthepigeonstopthepigeon how did you tryong to kiss a spoken for guy in that situation go for you? I am assuming you have done that.

"Making a tit of yourself" and trying to kiss a guy I dated decade ago then crying because he said no and his GF and all the parents parents are there, because he was polite to me in messges and I got delusion that he is into me is not is really something any of my friends or I have done. Frankly, it's not something most women have done imho. Because it's really twatty.

I made right tit of myself without being a twat and going after taken man. Now that is something what most of us have done. Most people have made right tit of themselves at one point or another.

Give over

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 31/01/2025 20:46

InterIgnis · 30/01/2025 17:47

Sure, but that doesn’t change the fact that what she did was shitty and she’s not some victim because the people she was shitty towards didn’t tailor their response to her feelings. I’ve never done what OP did, but have I been shitty to people when they’ve done nothing to deserve it? Absofuckinglutely! I’ve taken ownership of that, not made excuses for myself, played the victim, and/or expected sympathy and forgiveness.

She’s been making a complete tit of herself since she saw him at Christmas, and I’m assuming she hasn’t been drunk the entire time. She actively pursued a man in a relationship and she’s now butthurt she got rejected.

To compound matters, she then sent her friends screenshots for validation that her actions were justified, as if that ‘but I thought he was interested in an affair!’ reflects in any other way than poorly upon her. There probably will be some social consequences for what she did, because she’s not demonstrated traits that most would desire in a friend.

Her mortification is entirely her own fault, and it’s entirely on her to suck up the confidences of her actions. No one owes it to her to make her feel better about it.

Edited

She isn’t playing the victim though. Where on earth did you get that from? 😵‍💫

InterIgnis · 31/01/2025 22:36

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 31/01/2025 20:46

She isn’t playing the victim though. Where on earth did you get that from? 😵‍💫

Reading her posts lol.

The irrelevant sad backstory was absolutely detailed to cast herself in the role of victim, as if having a bad time means you can’t be an arsehole and held to account for being one. Then there was also the feeling sorry for herself because the mean girlfriend said something that made her feel bad.

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 31/01/2025 23:03

InterIgnis · 31/01/2025 22:36

Reading her posts lol.

The irrelevant sad backstory was absolutely detailed to cast herself in the role of victim, as if having a bad time means you can’t be an arsehole and held to account for being one. Then there was also the feeling sorry for herself because the mean girlfriend said something that made her feel bad.

Well no, she’s not casting herself in the role of victim or refusing to be held to account.

InterIgnis · 31/01/2025 23:04

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 31/01/2025 23:03

Well no, she’s not casting herself in the role of victim or refusing to be held to account.

Mmhmm

Sure Jan GIF
stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 31/01/2025 23:05

InterIgnis · 31/01/2025 23:04

Mmhmm

well that’s me told I guess.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page