To think separated parents have the best of both worlds?

Hmm you would be surprised I’m a lone parent so I don’t get any break to myself what so ever literally never had a night off in 7 years nothing! ex doesn’t see them so I do everything, but all the single parents I speak to seem to be envious of me they say they hate their children being away from them and wish they could keep them all the time so a lot won’t agree with you but I personally think one of the perks of breaking up is getting regular breaks if you are lucky enough to get them! I would have happily done 50/50..

If you genuinely think it would be better. Do it.

Having been in this position for 10 years I 100% wouldn't recommend.

Maybe it's your choice of husband?

I think you are assuming that separated parents always co parent well together. Often there is plenty of conflict and there are obviously huge financial pressures unless you happen to have your own well paid job. I think if you are comfortably off and can come parent well then yes it us undoubtedly better than a shit marriage.

If the non resident parent has the children regularly and pays fairly and doesn’t fuck up the well-being of the dc with nastiness then yes! You get rid of a horrible partner and get lots of time alone. But it’s v v v hard!!!

Swings and roundabouts.

I'm newly divorced, share DC. I am learning to love the 4 nights a fortnight childfree time. It is awesome to get a break.

BUT. On the flip side, I am running an entire household on my own wage. And life is so expensive, and I'm trying to get out of debt. And when something breaks, it's on me to sort it. Though this can sometimes feel better than wanting someone else to pull their weight and being resentful when they don't.

Childcare has to be watertight. I have to leave work much earlier than someone with a partner or no kids, and it's hard.

I have to see my abusive ex nearly every day for DC contact. I can never just block him and not think about him again.

My DC will always have the disprivilege of coming from a broken home, which statistically will have an impact on them (but still better than living with parents in an abusive relationship).

Some single parents never get childfree time, and they'll be on to tell you how bone-crushingly awful that is. And some never get any maintenance money at all, and they'll tell you the same.

Ultimately, I am now much poorer than I was when in a happy relationship. But infinitely better apart than when that relationship turned abusive. And the side benefits of not having to worry about a man-child and having some child-free time are relevant. Though co-parenting with a man-child is still a pain in the arse.

just me and in many ways I’m the least important one.

Eurgh this kind of martyr spiel is nauseating.

Anyway, what makes you think if you split that their lazy father who can't be bothered to do much around the house or with them will suddenly be all about contact and giving you a balance? Whilst a break might sound pleasant, it's still challenging the rest of the week, and that 'break' sometimes falls at Christmas, on birthdays and whenever else; would you not be sad to not see your children then?

It's easier to be separated than be in a marriage with someone who makes your life difficult/doesn't contribute. Definitely.

I do agree with this though! I'm infinitely happier.

The 5050 parents, yes, they probably do. Any other type of arrangement and someone will be missing out

In many ways being a single parent has been easier for me. My ex has to actually make an effort with kids and i get a break (not that often).

You’re comparing a “perfect” scenario for the separated parents and a crappy one for the married parents. Of course the separated scenario seems better.

I am specifically talking about parents who have split and one parent had the children for at least some of the time.

And how often does it work like this? Dad takes kids regularly and reliably?

Contributes to childcare as well as cms so both parents can afford to work?

Both parents earn enough to afford a decent standard of living independently?

Children are settled and accepting of the new lifestyle...

Yeah you should do it. It'll be a breeze. And you already know, the father of your children is a hard worker who pulls his weight. Good luck!

Your post is a bit ridiculous and totally underplays how a marriage split, even a well managed, amicable one, affects the children involved.
Separated parents don't "have the best of both worlds". Co-parenting can be a hard juggle and takes a lot of patience. Not to mention the financial aspects which again take a lot of juggling and can be difficult.
Then there is being single rather than in a couple.
And finally throw in the complication of new partners.

I almost find your initial post offensive tbh.

If you're married to someone who doesn't pull his weight and it's a dick while you're married to him why you would you think he'd have a personality transplant when you divorce him and become the perfect co-parent? If he's lazy now he will be then.

You are making the assumption that your children's father would step up if you separated though. That's not a logical assumption.

In my own personal circumstance yes I agree with you. However I also have a lot of family support too so lots of the things that are challenging midweek they were able to handle for me and I only have 1 DC which is infinitely easier than multiples.

DD spends every Sunday with her dad, it is just one day but on that day I get so much stuff done, can commit to an regular exercise class, or when she was little would go to the cinema or theatre and watch a more grown up show. I did an OU degree with all the reading and research done midweek and then writing it all up on the Sunday. I also have my parents living down the road who did all my childcare and school runs for me when she was at Primary which made a huge difference, or in the days before Deliveroo would nip to the shop for me if we were ill etc.

So yes I have thoroughly enjoyed my 'lone' parenting experience, and DD has thrived with it being just one adult in the home and no siblings.

I think this is only true if you a) married a lazy arsehole and b) they do at least some parenting after you break up. My husband is amazing and we work as a team so share the load

I know you said there is no point talking to him but what if you suggest therapy? And say you are seriously considering separating if things don't improve?

Alternatively can you outsource anything? Cleaning? Meal deliveries?

Implying separated parents are having the best time because they get a lie in once a week is both offensive and completely downplays the impact of a split. However much a split is needed and is the right choice for a couple, it's still a difficult and painful thing to go through for all concerned.

If it's so good to separate why don't you just do it then?

At some point your children will be older and independent and you will get the time & space you crave.

Generally speaking I think the man has it much easier than the woman. I say this as the mother of two sons, both separated and a divorced Son in
Law.

I am still close to my ex DiLs and see first hand the difference in lifestyle. This is despite 50/50 co-parenting