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Original poster

To think it's ridiculous to fall out over a Facebook post ?

161 replies

Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 12:52

I posted on here yesterday as my mom and I had an argument on the last day of our holiday. It basically ended with me saying, apologise for your part in this argument (that she started) or I'm done with you both. As a result I said she will miss out on her granddaughter growing up. This was really not nice of me to say, but she was giving me the silent treatment and acting like a kid so I said whatever I could to get a reaction. She had been goading me all afternoon.

My mom has a real issue with admitting when she's in the wrong and is as stubborn as mule. I'm 33 with a 5 month old little girl and my parents and I have always been close, but my mom can be needy and a bit emotionally controlling. I don't think I need to go into that here, I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable. I don't think I am.

So after this argument we travelled back from holiday not talking, and the day afterwards I put my usual holiday Facebook post with a few snaps. There were none of my parents (my mom refuses to be in photos 90% of the time and obviously they were all of my precious baby on her first holiday!) and I didn't tag anyone in the post, not even my husband.
I texted her the same morning to apologise for my part in the argument and the nasty things I said, but asked if she could accept that she started it over nothing. She could not, and she said "agree to disagree". I reluctantly agreed. I'm fully aware that if I hadn't have made the first move, she wouldn't not have messaged me. Later on in the day, she texts me to say that she "hurt" because I didn't mention in my post that she and my dad were on holiday with us. My post was "lovely holiday with my little family". I explained we weren't talking at the time I posted, plus I haven't tagged anyone and there's no pictures of them to tag. She ignored that message and now we aren't talking. I actually feel a bit more relaxed now I'm having a break from her if I'm honest but I'm sad it's ended this way and don't see a way back.

AIBU to think it's pathetic for my mom to abandon myself and her granddaughter for the sake of a Facebook post?

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 15/09/2024 12:55

Honestly I think you both sound as bad as each other here. Threatening your mum with not seeing her grandchild over a silly argument is way OTT.

Trickabrick · 15/09/2024 12:55

Didn’t you post this yesterday?

Bluevelvetsofa · 15/09/2024 12:55

I think it’s a mountain out of a molehill and you’ve both behaved badly.

sonjadog · 15/09/2024 12:55

Has she actually abandoned you? According to your post, she just said she was hurt and now you aren't talking. Not that you never, ever will again.

SquirrelMole · 15/09/2024 12:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 12:57

Mrsttcno1 · 15/09/2024 12:55

Honestly I think you both sound as bad as each other here. Threatening your mum with not seeing her grandchild over a silly argument is way OTT.

Okay so it wasn't a silly argument at all. She said some awful things to my husband and about his parents without any provoking. Also yes, I clearly acknowledge in my post that what I said was wrong, and I apologised. Did you read it?

OP posts:
CuriousGeorge80 · 15/09/2024 12:57

Your FB post does read as intentionally spiteful. “My little family” implies you were there with your partner and child only. It seems pretty intentional given the context.

So I agree with PP that you both sound as bad as each other.

LadyInDecline · 15/09/2024 12:57

You both sound ridiculous!!

Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 12:58

Trickabrick · 15/09/2024 12:55

Didn’t you post this yesterday?

No, I posted about the initial argument (see first line of post)

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 15/09/2024 12:58

I think you are both adults, and this whole thing is a bit childish.

It is possible, to have a disagreement and nobody having to “admit” they were wrong.

It’s also the Adult thing to do, to know when to leave something, and not keep on with a fruitless argument.

Histrionics like “you’ll never see your grand children grow up” add nothing.

Maybe nobody needs to win, and nobody needs to lose, and you all need to learn to manage conflict better.

Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 12:59

sonjadog · 15/09/2024 12:55

Has she actually abandoned you? According to your post, she just said she was hurt and now you aren't talking. Not that you never, ever will again.

Edited

Pretty much, she started a similar argument with my brother and they don't talk for a year.

OP posts:
Trickabrick · 15/09/2024 13:00

Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 12:58

No, I posted about the initial argument (see first line of post)

Show quote history

Yes sorry I somehow skipped the first line but my point still stands - why start another thread on the same issue?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5165098-grandma-drama

offyoujollywelltrot · 15/09/2024 13:00

Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 12:52

I posted on here yesterday as my mom and I had an argument on the last day of our holiday. It basically ended with me saying, apologise for your part in this argument (that she started) or I'm done with you both. As a result I said she will miss out on her granddaughter growing up. This was really not nice of me to say, but she was giving me the silent treatment and acting like a kid so I said whatever I could to get a reaction. She had been goading me all afternoon.

My mom has a real issue with admitting when she's in the wrong and is as stubborn as mule. I'm 33 with a 5 month old little girl and my parents and I have always been close, but my mom can be needy and a bit emotionally controlling. I don't think I need to go into that here, I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable. I don't think I am.

So after this argument we travelled back from holiday not talking, and the day afterwards I put my usual holiday Facebook post with a few snaps. There were none of my parents (my mom refuses to be in photos 90% of the time and obviously they were all of my precious baby on her first holiday!) and I didn't tag anyone in the post, not even my husband.
I texted her the same morning to apologise for my part in the argument and the nasty things I said, but asked if she could accept that she started it over nothing. She could not, and she said "agree to disagree". I reluctantly agreed. I'm fully aware that if I hadn't have made the first move, she wouldn't not have messaged me. Later on in the day, she texts me to say that she "hurt" because I didn't mention in my post that she and my dad were on holiday with us. My post was "lovely holiday with my little family". I explained we weren't talking at the time I posted, plus I haven't tagged anyone and there's no pictures of them to tag. She ignored that message and now we aren't talking. I actually feel a bit more relaxed now I'm having a break from her if I'm honest but I'm sad it's ended this way and don't see a way back.

AIBU to think it's pathetic for my mom to abandon myself and her granddaughter for the sake of a Facebook post?

Christ. Your mum needs to get a grip.

Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 13:01

ExtraOnions · 15/09/2024 12:58

I think you are both adults, and this whole thing is a bit childish.

It is possible, to have a disagreement and nobody having to “admit” they were wrong.

It’s also the Adult thing to do, to know when to leave something, and not keep on with a fruitless argument.

Histrionics like “you’ll never see your grand children grow up” add nothing.

Maybe nobody needs to win, and nobody needs to lose, and you all need to learn to manage conflict better.

I totally agree. It is childish, and I feel like an idiot for even being sucked into it. My mom always finds something to argue about and without context this post probably seems like I'm more unreasonable than I am. I've had years of emotional blackmail from this woman, her constantly on competition with my in-laws, being jealous when I make friends or seek support from professionals with my mental health. She thinks she should be all I need in my life.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 15/09/2024 13:02

Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 12:57

Okay so it wasn't a silly argument at all. She said some awful things to my husband and about his parents without any provoking. Also yes, I clearly acknowledge in my post that what I said was wrong, and I apologised. Did you read it?

Show quote history

Do you appreciate that apologising doesn’t fix everything though? If I ever said something like that to my mum I wouldn’t expect a “sorry” to make that better.

And to be honest if you’re able to make that threat it does seem bizarre that you’re then worried about her “abandoning” you. You were prepared to cut her out of your life, and threatened to, but now are surprised she’s not bothering with you?

Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 13:02

Trickabrick · 15/09/2024 13:00

Yes sorry I somehow skipped the first line but my point still stands - why start another thread on the same issue?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5165098-grandma-drama

Show quote history

Because the Facebook post was a new thing that I'm feeling that I need some perspective on. I'm struggling.

OP posts:
ChristmasJumpers · 15/09/2024 13:04

Your Facebook pist strongly implies that you, your husband and baby were on a family holiday alone. Given the falling out with your mum, I understand why she thinks you've done that purposefully.

gamerchick · 15/09/2024 13:04

Sounds a bit ike mother like daughter shenanigans here.

That's fine, but please don't use your kid as a weapon or shell turn into both of you and pass pettiness on down the generations. Time to break the mold.

For the minute just enjoy some time apart. It sounds alike you feed off each other a bit.

peppertrees · 15/09/2024 13:04

I believe threatening your mother with not seeing her granddaughter grow up is cruel. Probably the worst possible thing anyone could say to a grandmother and in my opinion unforgiveable.

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/09/2024 13:05

The apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree.
You're both as bad as each other.

ExtraOnions · 15/09/2024 13:06

Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 13:01

I totally agree. It is childish, and I feel like an idiot for even being sucked into it. My mom always finds something to argue about and without context this post probably seems like I'm more unreasonable than I am. I've had years of emotional blackmail from this woman, her constantly on competition with my in-laws, being jealous when I make friends or seek support from professionals with my mental health. She thinks she should be all I need in my life.

Show quote history

Then don’t get drawn into it .. you are an adult.

I have an emotionally manipulative, gaslighting, fairly horrible mother - I just ignore it when she starts, somebody can’t argue with themselves.

Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 13:06

Mrsttcno1 · 15/09/2024 13:02

Do you appreciate that apologising doesn’t fix everything though? If I ever said something like that to my mum I wouldn’t expect a “sorry” to make that better.

And to be honest if you’re able to make that threat it does seem bizarre that you’re then worried about her “abandoning” you. You were prepared to cut her out of your life, and threatened to, but now are surprised she’s not bothering with you?

Show quote history

Of course I appreciate that, but I still didn't get an apology from her about how she treated us. I clearly wasn't prepared to cut her out of my life - I made the first move and apologised. If I was prepared to cut her out of my life I wouldn't do this would I? It's just something I said. And it wasn't a case of my purposely withholding my daughter from her, it was a case of "if you don't see you're in wrong then you'll miss out because I'm not talking to you for a while"

OP posts:
TheOliveGoose · 15/09/2024 13:09

Why did you write 'with my little family'? You know your mum, you knew what buttons you were pressing and you did it anyway. Now she has reacted like you knew she would react you are upset.

There is 2 of you in this, you clearly have form for pressing her buttons, telling her she wouldn't see her granddaughter grow up, not acknowledging her presence on your holiday. I'm sure she has form for pressing your buttons too. Maybe a break from each other is needed and better boundaries, keep things nice and airy and superficial if you do start speaking again.

Trickabrick · 15/09/2024 13:09

Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 13:02

Because the Facebook post was a new thing that I'm feeling that I need some perspective on. I'm struggling.

Show quote history

Honestly you probably just need to take a breather from the drama, let the dust settle and see if you can clear the air when emotions have died down a bit. Both you and your mum sound like you could work on how you react in an argument and that’s not going to happen so soon after a blow up. Good luck as there’s loads to unpick it seems x

PrimalOwl10 · 15/09/2024 13:10

Let me guess your dm paid for the holiday?