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Original poster

To think it's ridiculous to fall out over a Facebook post ?

161 replies

Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 12:52

I posted on here yesterday as my mom and I had an argument on the last day of our holiday. It basically ended with me saying, apologise for your part in this argument (that she started) or I'm done with you both. As a result I said she will miss out on her granddaughter growing up. This was really not nice of me to say, but she was giving me the silent treatment and acting like a kid so I said whatever I could to get a reaction. She had been goading me all afternoon.

My mom has a real issue with admitting when she's in the wrong and is as stubborn as mule. I'm 33 with a 5 month old little girl and my parents and I have always been close, but my mom can be needy and a bit emotionally controlling. I don't think I need to go into that here, I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable. I don't think I am.

So after this argument we travelled back from holiday not talking, and the day afterwards I put my usual holiday Facebook post with a few snaps. There were none of my parents (my mom refuses to be in photos 90% of the time and obviously they were all of my precious baby on her first holiday!) and I didn't tag anyone in the post, not even my husband.
I texted her the same morning to apologise for my part in the argument and the nasty things I said, but asked if she could accept that she started it over nothing. She could not, and she said "agree to disagree". I reluctantly agreed. I'm fully aware that if I hadn't have made the first move, she wouldn't not have messaged me. Later on in the day, she texts me to say that she "hurt" because I didn't mention in my post that she and my dad were on holiday with us. My post was "lovely holiday with my little family". I explained we weren't talking at the time I posted, plus I haven't tagged anyone and there's no pictures of them to tag. She ignored that message and now we aren't talking. I actually feel a bit more relaxed now I'm having a break from her if I'm honest but I'm sad it's ended this way and don't see a way back.

AIBU to think it's pathetic for my mom to abandon myself and her granddaughter for the sake of a Facebook post?

OP posts:
angellinaballerina7 · 15/09/2024 13:59

This reply has been deleted

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Can’t for the life of me fathom why you go on holiday year after year when you quite clearly act like a couple of badly behaved kids.

You behaved pretty awfully, and people don’t seem to be buying that it was an innocent Facebook post.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 15/09/2024 14:02

CuriousGeorge80 · 15/09/2024 12:57

Your FB post does read as intentionally spiteful. “My little family” implies you were there with your partner and child only. It seems pretty intentional given the context.

So I agree with PP that you both sound as bad as each other.

This

Fastback · 15/09/2024 14:02

People have become way too comfortable with victim blaming to boost their own self esteem on here. It’s actually unsettling.

Ragruggers · 15/09/2024 14:06

So much drama.Do you actually enjoy being with your mother? If the answer is no then step away.Dont go on holiday with her make your own plans with your DH and child.Get on with your own life go very low contact for a few months and see what happens.It seems your mother is looking for a reaction from you which you give her this is not healthy.

honeylulu · 15/09/2024 14:10

OK I've now read the original post and the mother does sound a total nightmare who would likely even cause a saint to flip their lid.

I still think you shouldn't go on holiday together!

Notreat · 15/09/2024 14:11

Mrsttcno1 · 15/09/2024 12:55

Honestly I think you both sound as bad as each other here. Threatening your mum with not seeing her grandchild over a silly argument is way OTT.

I agree, you both sounds unreasonable. Also I don't understand why you are going on holiday together if she is as dreadful as you say.

Thistooshallpass24 · 15/09/2024 14:11

This reply has been deleted

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DillDanding · 15/09/2024 14:11

You both sound awful and childish.

You need to grow up. And stop going on holiday with your mum.

EI12 · 15/09/2024 14:13

Obvs don't know who is right or who is wrong, but one thing I do know - adults on Facebook or Instagram? V.strange and even stranger falling out over not being mentioned on these platforms.

TheShellBeach · 15/09/2024 14:20

Why did you go on holiday with her and the dogs, if it was going to cause this level of angst?

Fastback · 15/09/2024 14:23

EI12 · 15/09/2024 14:13

Obvs don't know who is right or who is wrong, but one thing I do know - adults on Facebook or Instagram? V.strange and even stranger falling out over not being mentioned on these platforms.

🙄

distractmeagain · 15/09/2024 14:23

ah that old faithfull 'facebook' drama! you both sound ridiculous! start living in the real world instead of running to social media for digs and affirmation!

TheChosenTwo · 15/09/2024 14:25

You both sound petty and immature tbh.
And don’t weaponise your child in any circumstances, even when you’re angry. It’s dreadful behaviour.
I don’t know why you go on this holiday every year!

SpiderPlanter · 15/09/2024 14:25

alpacachino · 15/09/2024 13:42

Don't put pictures of your kid on the internet

100% this, ‘my child, my choice’ and private profiles are not good excuses, the pictures still get leaked and used even with private profiles.

Either way, you sound like you need a break from each other because you’re both winding each other up and sniping. It’s good that you apologised but I think some time apart for you both to reflect is a good idea. I am also concerned that you weaponised your daughter to try and get your way.

Is it always like this? Don’t really want this for the rest of your life?

MadCatWoman7 · 15/09/2024 14:26

As a mother, my daughter can get a bit tetchy over things and does offend me sometimes. I let it go with a silent response and then change the subject to current affairs to let it wash on by. Parents have more experience than fraught mums and should really give way to petty stuff unless the children are offensively rude.

ProperPaddy1 · 15/09/2024 14:27

Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 12:52

I posted on here yesterday as my mom and I had an argument on the last day of our holiday. It basically ended with me saying, apologise for your part in this argument (that she started) or I'm done with you both. As a result I said she will miss out on her granddaughter growing up. This was really not nice of me to say, but she was giving me the silent treatment and acting like a kid so I said whatever I could to get a reaction. She had been goading me all afternoon.

My mom has a real issue with admitting when she's in the wrong and is as stubborn as mule. I'm 33 with a 5 month old little girl and my parents and I have always been close, but my mom can be needy and a bit emotionally controlling. I don't think I need to go into that here, I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable. I don't think I am.

So after this argument we travelled back from holiday not talking, and the day afterwards I put my usual holiday Facebook post with a few snaps. There were none of my parents (my mom refuses to be in photos 90% of the time and obviously they were all of my precious baby on her first holiday!) and I didn't tag anyone in the post, not even my husband.
I texted her the same morning to apologise for my part in the argument and the nasty things I said, but asked if she could accept that she started it over nothing. She could not, and she said "agree to disagree". I reluctantly agreed. I'm fully aware that if I hadn't have made the first move, she wouldn't not have messaged me. Later on in the day, she texts me to say that she "hurt" because I didn't mention in my post that she and my dad were on holiday with us. My post was "lovely holiday with my little family". I explained we weren't talking at the time I posted, plus I haven't tagged anyone and there's no pictures of them to tag. She ignored that message and now we aren't talking. I actually feel a bit more relaxed now I'm having a break from her if I'm honest but I'm sad it's ended this way and don't see a way back.

AIBU to think it's pathetic for my mom to abandon myself and her granddaughter for the sake of a Facebook post?

Be really careful. Does your child need this nonsense? Walk away and don't say the mean stuff, give yourself and your child that gift.

pinkdelight · 15/09/2024 14:29

Apologising wasn't "keeping up the drama".

Yes it is.

Also her 'abandoning' your DD is not different to you saying they'll not see her grow up.

You're both as bad as each other and are going to keep pushing each others' buttons with the self-righteousness and digs. Leave the DD out of it though.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 15/09/2024 14:30

CuriousGeorge80 · 15/09/2024 12:57

Your FB post does read as intentionally spiteful. “My little family” implies you were there with your partner and child only. It seems pretty intentional given the context.

So I agree with PP that you both sound as bad as each other.

Aside from anything else YABU for using that twee wording.

Cheesetoastiees · 15/09/2024 14:35

You’re both pretty silly from reading your thread. If I was you and if you want a relationship with your mum, I’d send one last message just simply apologising for your part in the argument and leave at that and maybe see her rather a lot less. Then I’d never go on holiday with her again.

Bandstander · 15/09/2024 14:35

Fastback · 15/09/2024 13:59

Are all the ‘team mum’ posters too dense to understand the above from the OP? 😬

Show quote history

It definitely doesn’t make them look clever to comment something nasty after op left that comment 😂

Although, I don’t think people who have ‘normal’ parents understand how difficult it is to communicate with/ have a relationship with an emotionally immature, manipulative parent. Easy to bitch about how childish/dramatic op was without witnessing her mum wind her up til she snapped so the mum could then act like the victim. My mums the same and it’s fucking exhausting.

Skyrainlight · 15/09/2024 14:46

Blackmailing your mother to do as you wish or she doesn't get to see her granddaughter. You sure it's your mother that's the problem because from my view it's you,

Sinisterdexter · 15/09/2024 14:46

If your dm is being rude about your dh then she deserves to be called out on it.
I wouldn't let the arguments escalate though.
Call her out, move on.

ShinyCaptain · 15/09/2024 14:48

Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

godmum56 · 15/09/2024 14:51

pot kettle.

KievLoverTwo · 15/09/2024 14:51

Skyrainlight · 15/09/2024 14:46

Blackmailing your mother to do as you wish or she doesn't get to see her granddaughter. You sure it's your mother that's the problem because from my view it's you,

I think OP has been raised by a manipulative person and doesn’t know how to get what she wants without resorting to the same behaviour.

They both need to grow up and see the bigger picture. Life is so much more than having a series of petty rows where the outcome has to be one party being right and the other one wrong.