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Original poster

To think it's ridiculous to fall out over a Facebook post ?

161 replies

Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 12:52

I posted on here yesterday as my mom and I had an argument on the last day of our holiday. It basically ended with me saying, apologise for your part in this argument (that she started) or I'm done with you both. As a result I said she will miss out on her granddaughter growing up. This was really not nice of me to say, but she was giving me the silent treatment and acting like a kid so I said whatever I could to get a reaction. She had been goading me all afternoon.

My mom has a real issue with admitting when she's in the wrong and is as stubborn as mule. I'm 33 with a 5 month old little girl and my parents and I have always been close, but my mom can be needy and a bit emotionally controlling. I don't think I need to go into that here, I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable. I don't think I am.

So after this argument we travelled back from holiday not talking, and the day afterwards I put my usual holiday Facebook post with a few snaps. There were none of my parents (my mom refuses to be in photos 90% of the time and obviously they were all of my precious baby on her first holiday!) and I didn't tag anyone in the post, not even my husband.
I texted her the same morning to apologise for my part in the argument and the nasty things I said, but asked if she could accept that she started it over nothing. She could not, and she said "agree to disagree". I reluctantly agreed. I'm fully aware that if I hadn't have made the first move, she wouldn't not have messaged me. Later on in the day, she texts me to say that she "hurt" because I didn't mention in my post that she and my dad were on holiday with us. My post was "lovely holiday with my little family". I explained we weren't talking at the time I posted, plus I haven't tagged anyone and there's no pictures of them to tag. She ignored that message and now we aren't talking. I actually feel a bit more relaxed now I'm having a break from her if I'm honest but I'm sad it's ended this way and don't see a way back.

AIBU to think it's pathetic for my mom to abandon myself and her granddaughter for the sake of a Facebook post?

OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 15/09/2024 17:21

diddl · 15/09/2024 15:31

Is your Mum worth having in your lives Op?

If so then you both need to find a way to communicate in a different way.

I don't see why it should be all up to Op to do.

She has learnt from her Mum.

If it was a friend how many posters would still bother themselves with the friend & the drama?

Why are parents held to lesser account?

*I don't see why it should be all up to Op to do.

She has learnt from her Mum.

If it was a friend how many posters would still bother themselves with the friend & the drama?

Why are parents held to lesser account?*

Because they’re the people who birthed you and supposedly you’re supposed to put up with them regardless which I agree is utter nonsense.

I’ve learned dealing with my own parents that I can only take them in small doses and my mother in very, very small doses.

She is someone who thinks she knows better than other people and thinks because she wouldn’t do something, someone else wouldn’t either even if said person has told you they would and she is not involved nor opinion was asked, She will moan at you until you do things the way she wants. She does something for you, she will eventually throw it back in your face even if she moaned at you to do it in the first place.

I have learned to just nod and then do what I want because she doesn’t listen and the chance of an apology from her is winning big on the euromillions twice. My dad jumps in to deflect her when she starts and it causes an argument between them and her becoming the victim and wanting to be left alone. She can’t stand being told she is wrong even when she has little to no experience with a subject and you have more.

Leafygreen84 · 15/09/2024 18:27

You need to grow up.
Also pack it in with the doe eyed “but I didn’t mean anything by the Facebook post!”. You know EXACTLY what you were doing. Stop using your kid as a weapon.

thatlastonereally · 15/09/2024 18:54

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Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 19:01

Leafygreen84 · 15/09/2024 18:27

You need to grow up.
Also pack it in with the doe eyed “but I didn’t mean anything by the Facebook post!”. You know EXACTLY what you were doing. Stop using your kid as a weapon.

You need to grow up to think I'd come on Mumsnet and lie to a bunch or strangers. I didn't mean it bitchy. Period.

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Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 19:02

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You don't know the half of the situation. My baby is well cared for and adored. I really hope you don't have kids because you're so judgy it's actually repulsive.

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thatlastonereally · 15/09/2024 19:03

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thatlastonereally · 15/09/2024 19:04

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Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 19:05

nOasistickets · 15/09/2024 16:29

You both sound like children - it’s your child I feel bad for…. She has to live with this!!

And you sound like a judgemental a.hole. my baby is adored and well cared for. She could never find anyone in the whole world who adores her like I do.

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thatlastonereally · 15/09/2024 19:07

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thatlastonereally · 15/09/2024 19:10

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Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 19:10

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I came on here for genuine perspective. More detail added to original post. Original post 86% of people said I wasn't unreasonable. I had doubts about myself because I have OCD and PND so question everything I do and say. So I reposted framing in a different light and more in depth about the latest issue.

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Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 19:12

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I don't...I'm on mat leave. She's never had her even for an hour. She wants to have her full time but I want to split it between the two of them.

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thatlastonereally · 15/09/2024 19:16

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Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 19:20

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

thatlastonereally · 15/09/2024 19:23

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thatlastonereally · 15/09/2024 19:25

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frannygallops · 15/09/2024 19:25

You all sound about five months old. Posting a goady thread on Facebook and acting all surprised when it upsets your DM. Honestly you all sound as bad as each other and your child is in the middle of this drama

thatlastonereally · 15/09/2024 19:25

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NotDonna · 15/09/2024 19:27

allatseawiththis · 15/09/2024 13:35

Completely agree with this ☝️ OP, have you had any counselling to talk about/work on your own emotional responses, and where they might stem from (i.e. the behaviour modelled by your mum growing up)?

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This is sound advice @Doggomom91 i have a toxic mother and it’s difficult to navigate. Don’t stoop to her level. Taking some time away and seeing her in small doses not very frequently really helps.

Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 19:30

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It is safe, if she makes it so. But the way she is behaving at the moment I'm really not sure she will even listen to my requests now. I don't even know why I'm indulging you tbh. Don't you have anything better to do?

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thatlastonereally · 15/09/2024 19:33

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Berlinlover · 15/09/2024 19:58

You both sound as bad as each other, no doubt your daughter will grow up and behave the same way.

Sugarsugarahhoneyhoney · 15/09/2024 20:00

Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 19:10

I came on here for genuine perspective. More detail added to original post. Original post 86% of people said I wasn't unreasonable. I had doubts about myself because I have OCD and PND so question everything I do and say. So I reposted framing in a different light and more in depth about the latest issue.

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You can't use mental health issues as an excuse for being unkind that's behaviour!

alldaybreakfastclub · 15/09/2024 20:09

Goodness me, your responses are shocking.
You sound like a hellish bunch.
What a fuss, grow up.

Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 20:11

Sugarsugarahhoneyhoney · 15/09/2024 20:00

You can't use mental health issues as an excuse for being unkind that's behaviour!

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Where have I used it as an excuse for my behaviour? I said that's the reason I put another post up. I was asked why I posted again. I said that it's because part of my condition is to question everything I do/say. It has nothing to do with the argument and I haven't blamed my mental health issues for anything.

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