To think I will always have financial stress now others have pointed this out?

This is how you feel but it's an unhelpful post, given that millions in this country are much worse off than you. You are doinfg just fine.

So stop saving for uni then

I didn’t contribute in any way to my children’s university costs. I couldn’t afford to. As a result of this they have both become savvy with money. Both are buying their own homes and appreciate the value of everything. A child that has nothing to achieve for itself may be starved of ambition and become overly entitled.

Please don't do that. Keep paying your mortgage. Save a little less - because you should not be missing meals. And make sure your savings are in a high interest savings account.

You can downsize to release money when she is 18, if you want to have more money available to help her. And keep saving into your pension as well

Go for promotions if possible or even move workplaces for better paid roles - you are still relatively young and can still be on the ascent at work. Well done for doing as well as you are already. Your daughter would be proud and grateful!

There’s absolutely no point in worrying about the future if you have no present

OP going without food for a few days each month to save £200 a month for Uni instead of £180 a month for Uni is not normal or healthy or in any way necessary and I would consider therapy for anxiety.

DC could always live at home and work for a year between school and Uni to save extra money if necessary, lots of people do this.

What?
Why??

It's ridiculous that you're going without meals several days a month so you can save more for your 6-year-old's future possible uni costs. You're obviously working and saving hard, but if it has you this skint then your priorities need to be reevaluated.

Kids notice everything, and if you're skipping meals and leaving off any treats or holidays, your DC will think that your family is poor. Why add the unnecessary insecurity of that to your child's life?

Of course, save, but spend just a little of that on activities for the two of you. Their childhood goes by so fast.

(Could you sell and spend less on a new mortgage?)

Why are you saving so much money for your child? You’re not eating yet you have £20k in savings?! It’s absolute madness!!

Your child can get a student loan and a part time job while at uni like loads of other students I don’t know why you are causing yourself such stress and misery over something that really isn’t necessary, you’re still young why don’t you try enjoying life for a bit?

Stop adding to your daughter's uni fund until you can afford it. Save in your own name, and only save what you can afford, you shouldn't be going hungry.

Your daughter can fund uni herself if needs be, millions do, but the money you have saved already will continue to grow and you can start to contribute again in future if things get easier.

Imagine the guilt your DD will feel if she ever knows that you went without food to save for her university.

Imagine the guilt she'll feel if she chooses not to go to university, when you went without food so that she could.

Seriously OP, please look into counselling. Your daughter needs you to be mentally healthy, and to eat. One or two months not paying into the uni find, in order to pay for counselling will be money well spent.

Don't be so ridiculous.

I don't own my own home, I rent, have £10k total in my pension and zero savings for DS. He will have to fund uni himself, he will get the maximum loan due to my income and if needs be he can get a part time job.

You're far better off than a lot of people.

This. People are ridiculous and have such ridiculous expectations.

@Baept15 do you have significant debt?
If not you are in a fairly comfortable position. It sounds like it’s all on you though. Is there not the other parent to help with the cost of raising your child?

I’m not sure how true this post is OP .. but skipping meals when you have 20k in the bank is ridiculous. Saving £200 per month for your dd to go to uni won’t scratch the surface?? That will amount to £25k plus! Thats more than enough given she can get student loans, work her way too! And she may not even go!

The best thing you can do for your DD now is to take out a decent life insurance policy on your life!

You have:

£360,000 in equity in your home,
£20,000 in savings
£54,000 salary
£200 per month savings

You have gone without meals for the last 2-3 days because you think you are struggling.

You need therapy.

Stop worrying now, stop saving 200 a month for her at the moment so you don’t have to go without meals and downsize when she’s older (either before secondary or when she’s going off to uni) and that’ll free up enough cash to cover her through uni plus extra for your retirement.

You're a lone parent. I also think this is what is driving your anxiety. The feeling that it's all on you. I get it, I've been there.

Being able to give your child a financial start at adulthood is understandable and a great thing to do if you can. Maybe for uni, maybe not. 12 years is a long time and if I had younger kids I'd be encouraging them into degree apprenticeships unless uni was to achieve a high earning career.

Play around with some compound interest calculators so you can get an idea of what you could save if you dropped your daughter's savings to £100 a month. Remember, you have 12 years so compound interest is your friend. Same for your pension as you may be worrying over less than you think. But whatever, not eating for 2-3 days a month sounds like a choice and a very poor one at that.

Money alone doesn't bring happiness but it does give options. Take some time to work out your options as you do have some.

You say you're struggling, in a house worth over half a million, and you hadn't thought of this?

I have very similar finances to you and feel quite financially stable. I don't really know why you are panicking. Your job is to get your dc to adulthood and give them the tools to be independent from then on. We have a load of equity in the house which we can release by downsizing when they're older but for uni they'll have to get a loan like anyone else, unless they inherit from their grandparents or something. Which they might do but I am hardly banking on or hoping for. They are financially privileged, it's normal to have a mortgage during your working life- it makes a lot more sense than paying rent but is a similar outlay. I don't know why people mumsnet are so obsessed with paying it off early. Then what will you do with the extra cash that means it's better than having it in your pockets now?

You're concerned that downsizing and moving would up lift your DD. It's better to do it now, she's 6, she can make new friends, than to do it later when those friendship groups are already deeply established.

Half what you're paying into her uni pot, eat regular meals and spend time with your child creating memories. There's different ways to go to uni now like degree apprenticeships. But she's 6, things will have changed again, uni is not the be all and end all of getting a good job and stable future.

And seek some therapy!

@5128gap this! Get a grip OP. I work with parents who have to skip meals so their children can eat. They’d give anything to own a home or even have £100 savings. You’re being ridiculous.

University isn't all it's cracked up to be.
For clarification I'm a university educated professional who went through when fees were paid.
I'm a single parent of two.
I'd not be bothered if my kids don't go to university. As long as they're happy and earning.
University education is not always a good investment these days.
Save by all means for her future. Don't sacrifice your mental health and present though.

This.

You could extend the length of your mortgage so you have more cashflow each month. This would make sense as you are likely to be working until at least 60 in any case. It would be far more sensible than downsizing now and reducing your options. Bear in mind that it costs money to move in terms of stamp duty etc.

Seriously if you think you are struggling financially to the extent that you don't eat then you really need to see a therapist for your anxiety.