To think I will always have financial stress now others have pointed this out?

Single parent, so while no nursery there's likely wraparound and holiday care to factor in.

This! This is not struggling,
this is stupidity!

Kindly, OP, do you not have friends in real life to talk to?

These are the choices a lot of people make all of the time.
Where to live, schools, uprooting kids etc.

Do you not have a network of friends or family?

You need to weigh up the pros and cons of being mortgage free at 40, by downsizing, against the different location, standard of education in that area, how your DD would cope moving schools etc.

Or you could over-pay your mortgage by maybe £100 a month, stop saving £200 for uni (which may never happen) , seek promotion at work if that's an option, and stop worrying.

Your DD's nest egg could be the money she gets from friends or family for birthdays. Ask them to pay into a junior ISA rather than buy her toys etc.

True, I have one heading off to study medicine in 2 years - but we’ll be doing an equity release to fund this. The other one plans to study humanities next year (and indeed as was/is the case in my recent Arts/lit based MA and current PhD) seminars and tutorials were expressly all fitted into 2 days a week. This protects staff time for research and marking/course planning and side gigs as well as to enable students to work up to a max of 20hrs a week.

I would still strongly counsel against struggling financially as a single parent on the off chance of a DC (currently only 6) studying medicine/engineering/lab-based STEMs though - after all, the league tables/stats show these are the ones who end up on higher post-grad incomes and will be perfectly capable of repaying their student loans. And an equity release should that arise addresses this.

An extra £200 a month could make a huge difference to both the amount of interest you pay overall and how long you are paying tbe mortgage for. How long do you have left on your mortgage? £200 a month is £48000 over 20 years.

For goodness sake stop it. People are allowed to post about money and savings without it being a stealth boast. There is nothing tone deaf about it. It is not a race to the bottom. Some people have more than others that's just life. Doesn't mean they can't be concerned for their long term situation.

I’m not sure if you’re intentionally trying to do a stealth boast tbf, and it sounds like you are genuinely worried but I think you need to get some perspective. I think this worrying and anxiety will be doing the most harm to your dc, it seems like they’ll have a good amount of savings from you as well regardless. It’s normal that children end up making their own way in life, getting savings from a parent is really an extra for most 🤷🏻‍♀️

Look very carefully at every penny you spend - if you have things like Amazon Prime or Netflix or a mobile phone contract look at minimising them . I managed to save about £50 a month just by stopping Netflix and Amazon Prime and changing my phone contract .

Look at all your regular commitments.

I also put money into a stocks and shares ISA which is growing at a higher rate than savings for me so maybe something to consider for your DC Uni fund ( this is of course dependent on your appetite for risk )

If you have enough money saved to support you both for six months in event of job loss then it’s also worth over paying your mortgage .

Also think about whether there are University options close to home where DC could live at home . It’s also normal for A level age and Uni kids to work at least in the summer holidays to help support themselves. Great for CV too

Someone else suggested a lodger - even short term this is a great way to over pay your mortgage .I did this 20 years ago when made redundant and I went self employed .

Once you’ve squeezed your expenses down though it really doesn’t help you to keep worrying about the future .

@Baept15 - although the details vary slightly I'm pretty sure this was you back in May? Also going without food then. If I'm right, how did the counselling go? I understand you are worried, but the level of worry isn't normal, it really isn't and you need to get some ( or more if you have already had some). I do understand that it feels a little scary, I was a single parent with two kids and a mortgage too for many years. But your anxiety sounds way beyond what most people would be.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5079478-to-feel-like-i-have-to-pay-this-off-for-dds-sake-how-can-i-do-it?postsby=Hyre

You need support for your anxiety. See your GP.

Why do you keep posting this? I have seen this at least once before and you have ignored any suggestions given

You’re paying into a private pension alongside the state. Your mortgage is designed to be paid off by the date agreed using the payments agreed. Paying off early is nice to have not essential. Saving for uni is a very nice to have not essential. You have an emergency fund and enough for a new car in a few years

You need to step back and get perspective. These are financial choices you’re making that are making you unhappy; going without food to save is not healthy physically or emotionally .

whoever is making you worry about this, ditch them

It’s terrible advice. Do not overpay the mortgage.

Get some therapy! Your post is offensive to those who are genuinely struggling financially.

For god’s sake, listen to yourself! Plenty of people get left nothing in inheritance and do fine. Plenty of people don’t go to uni and do fine. Plenty of people go to uni and fund it themselves via work - and do fine (very often better than those who are bankrolled by parents).

You are solvent. You have a decent income. You have equity in your home and £20k in available savings. I cannot believe you think it is better to go without food for several days each month so you can save for a future your child may not pursue!! In fact, with an income of £54k you should NEVER be unable to eat!

Perhaps you should spend some time investigating ways of making enough meals for the full month within a reasonable budget.

You are not poor. Your responsibility is to raise a child equipped with the skills to succeed in their own future. If you can afford a hand out great, if not, that’s fine too.

According to your other thread you are only 36! It’s not normal to be panicking about paying off your mortgage.

I think this is an anxiety thing as your viewpoint about money is very unusual.

I wonder if the financial side of things is a bit of a red herring… is there an underlying fear is that as a single parent you feel total responsibility for all decision making, both for now and in the future and this feels overwhelming? And it’s coming out as trying to match those in your social circle and feeling that you’re not ‘keeping up’ and feeling guilt connected with this.
Envy is a strong emotion, particularly if we don’t feel we can provide ‘enough’ for DC.
Try to take a step back, read some of the other posts in the cost of living thread. We would all like more for our kids and wanting that/worrying out that isn’t a crime, but you should you know that if you rolled a dice and swapped places with a random person of your same age, anywhere in the world … that you will be one of the most well off people.

I’m sorry but your level of anxiety is not normal. I brought up two children alone on a lot less than you. One has just graduated Uni, one is off this year. Of course I had money worries as a low paid single mum (I’d have felt rich earning what you do).

Who or what is feeding these out of control anxieties (I suspect you are indeed the other poster mentioned up thread). I sympathise that you are a worrier (as am I) but it’s on a level that needs some professional help (imho).

I remember the other thread. If that's yours, you really need some help with your anxiety and, yes, some perspective on your life. Your daughter doesn't care about uni fees. She cares about having a mother who is healthy, plays with her, and sometimes takes her on days out. All of which should be possible in your situation with the income and savings you mention.

Ah, yet another thread where the privileged minority pretends to be a starving poor just because they have to make a slight financial sacrifice for once in their life.

Who is the "everyone else" that you can't seem to keep up with?

You are much, much better off than many millions just in this country. There will always be people better off than you, why are you making your comparison with them rather than those with much less than you?

No, that really IS NOT struggling to make ends meet.

You have savings to cover shortfalls. You normally SAVE £200pm.

You are choosing to go without meals out of some weird martyrdom and you are deluding yourself if you think you are doing it for your child. When your child is not much older they will be picking up on your anxiety and strange behaviours like this. Do you want to pass on your anxiety to them? Never mind bloody university, this could fuck up their lives completely. Get help ASAP.

Absolutely, you’ve hit the nail on the head there I think!

Taking home over 3k a month, seems as though OP is all fur coat and no knickers, as the saying goes, choosing not to eat so as to keep up appearances.

People’s obsession with their kids futures has gone off the scale in recent years.

I got fuck all off my parents and so everything on my life has been provided by me.

All a child should need is your love, support and guidance.

I know people who won’t even spend their own pension fund because they need to leave it to their kids and go without holidays etc. That’s madness.

Crazy world we live in now.

You are probably amongst the top 10% of wealth in the world! You are just making the wrong decisions. Stop saving, start eating and when you are ready, downsize. There are only 2 of you and she is SIX! Kids are fine moving at that age. Even moving schools.

This is all being driven by anxiety. There is such a lack of logic which I imagine is being driven by being anxious and now you cannot see the wood for the trees.
Please seek some help or it will affect your daughter far more than not having a uni fund.
Children don’t need parents to starve themselves for a hypothetical degree they may not even want to take! She needs you, her mum and you owe it to yourself - and her - to get help and be happier.