To think I will always have financial stress now others have pointed this out?

Also, @Baept15 when you say ‘saving’ for uni - is it invested in a S&S ISA? If this is cash savings over such a long time it’d almost certainly be better paying your mortgage

Tbh £190k to owe on your mortgage really isn’t that much at your age. And £350k equity is a lot better than most people. I don’t really have much sympathy for your situation as you seem quite out of touch.

@pompey38 it's all done from parents NI numbers now. If you don't put that info in you can only borrow the minimum amount. Or you have to prove that you are estranged from your parents. There is no way to borrow the maximum loan if you are not entitled to.

My parents didn't pay for uni, I took the loans as I wanted to go and it made sense for me. They did set aside a small amount to increase our house deposit (for both their children) but the majority of that we saved ourselves. They prioritised their savings and retirement plan because they wanted to be able to offer physical and practical support, rather than just chucking money at us.

We are doing similar, and saving for DD but only what we can afford. We're also focusing on raising her to be independent and make good decisions for herself.

On top of all that we're working on our careers to a) increase income and our ability to save, and b) increase our flexibility to enable us to actually be around for DD in a more physical and emotional sense.

Focus on making her feel secure and confident, rather than what you might be able to do for her financially way down the line. Secure and confident children grow into adults more likely to be able to stand on their own two feet and make good decisions for themselves.

She'd rather have you than the money.

Myself and my husband are both in our late 30s, earn about £57k combined, have less left on our mortgage than you but also less equity, we have less in savings (about £2k), 2 DC (7&4) and we don't miss meals. Each DC has £2k in savings from their grandparents, we currently don't put any extra aside as cannot afford to. I worry about our situation but also feel it's important to live our lives and take enjoyment when we can instead of worrying about possible uni fees or if any inheritance will come our way 🤷‍♀️

Not quite true - A parent earning £54k would be expected to contribute almost £4.5k annually for a child going to Uni this year and not living at home - it's a shocking amount - a lot of parents cannot afford this.

Ffs. Heard it all now. All the equity, pension, savings, 1 child not even 40 and stressed about money. I would say you are in a privileged minority and could do with some healthy perspective

I don’t think anyone’s saying downsize now. Just that it’s an option for the future. If you overpay your mortgage now so you have less to pay in future you may be able to help DD more from future income if necessary. Overpaying mortgage now means you pay less overall. You definitely shouldn’t be missing meals . That’s wrong. Your financial position seems tight but very doable and on the face of it seems you’re worrying disproportionately

I agree that it is better to prioritize mortgage now over savings / future uni fees. Reason being that the more you overpay the mortgage the less interest you pay and your monthly payments reduce faster. Both of those leave you with more money each month in future for saving, before you even take into account the asset appreciation.

Your mortgage interest rate is likely higher than the rate on a savings account, so the amount you "save" is reduced by the extra interest paid on the mortgage.

Ps don’t forget if and when DD goes to university your outgoings may be less (smaller mortgage?) and if you want you can support her with some of that

I do understand the overwhelmed feeling and the idea you want to give your child the best life possible and I hope this helps.

My 16 year old has a job and it pays £490 a month. It's not too onerous around his A levels and there is so reason why he couldn't carry on doing this if he went to uni. He has earned more in the holidays. I really think he has learned so much at work which will help him get a job later too. I think he'd be really embarrassed if he thought I went without food so he didn't have to do a perfectly normal thing like take out a loan, work and save.

If he went to uni, the food I am paying for now, would just be eaten at a different location..

So please don't skip meals unecessarily. You could still save £100 and eat well.

But you have equity in the house which is I’ll still be building up, so you don’t need to do it yet. You could do it when she goes off to uni if you need more money then. There are also student loans for a reason.

Look up eating on a budget, you shouldn’t be skipping meals. If you batch cook with lentils etc you can make up some meals to tide you over when money is short.

Yabvu. I don't know many if any people as well off as you.

I don't really understand why you think £200/month savings for your daughter is not enough. We saved £100/month for ours and that yielded £32K at 18 (in a fairly poorly performing S&S CTF), which was the max parental contribution for a 5 year course at a London uni at the time (2 years ago).

Anyway, that wasn't our priority - paying down the mortgage and into pensions was. Our financial security changed massively in 12 years from when our DC was 6 to when they were 18, as a direct result of this.

My parents didn't save for me to go to uni and I went twice. I just pay a bit per month to pay it off, like most others.
I also worked alongside my study, to help pay for day to day life.

I have developed anxiety over money due to a family situation so I do understand op but to reassure you my dd has just completed her masters degree she got the minimum student loans while doing her undergraduate degree due to our income we had to top up her loan to cover her rent by £400 per term and gave her £40 per week to help cover her food we did that from our wages not savings
my ds chose not to go to university

your dd is only 6 you have savings and are in a really good position so please stop missing meal’s unnecessarily and enjoy your life with your dd now as a lot can change in 12 years

You really shouldn’t worry about your DDs uni fees. If she goes she can have a student loan. It’s not like a normal loan that has to be payed back, more like a small tax. Have a look a Martin Lewis on the subject. He explains it very well. At least that’s one worry you shouldn’t have. As far as the rest is concerned, you are in a much better situation than most people I would suggest.

You can't afford to save 200 a month for your child, if you are going without meals it's just not feasible

This! When I was at uni it was a mixed bag, some had parental support and some (like me) had loans and were working 2/3 jobs. By far the more happy and successful 15 years later are the ones who were independent!

To think I will always have financial stress now others have pointed this out?

Who has pointed this out? Someone particularly unhelpful I think.

Stop saving so much and make sure you have food!

So much will change in the next 12 years before your DD even thinks about Uni.

You could downsize when / if she goes. That's not going to ruin her life in any way. You're quite overdramatic about the effect of moving on a child anyway!

Hi OP
Do you think you may have your priorities a bit wrong?
You should be concentrating on living your best life with your daughter now. That means paying for essentials including food and then giving her the best of yourself without needless stress.
Everyone needs savings but you don't have to save towards your daughter's possible uni expenses to the detriment of her life now.
You are re-paying your mortgage every month and increasing savings by £100 already.
Why not use the £200 to give yourself and your daughter a better life now?
If she wants to go to uni in 12 years time she can take out loans and work like most students do. You can give her extra every month then.
I know being responsible for another human being is scary but you can't take away every risk and difficulty. Do you think you are doing your best by her by going without food and denying her experiences because you have to save?

@Baept15 could you post some (rough) figures of spending each month?
Travel, utilities, phone cost, food spend, insurance?

It's often really helpful to clarify - even just writing it down can show where you are overspending. MN is great for offering ways to cut back (phone for example or a better deal on insurance).

You're not worrying about making ends meet though, worrying about making ends meet isn't worrying about different pots of cash you can ensure your child has to set themselves up in life.

Worrying about making ends meet is putting food on the table, electric still on.

You'll have various savings pots for your child when they grow up. That's great

As PP have said, you are being ridiculous.

This is a classic example of well-to-do mumsnetters being freaked out by having to make compromises to their lifestyle for the first time ever and feeling “poor”.

To you, it seems like it should be a ‘given’ that you can pay your child’s uni fees and give them a house deposit. For the vast majority of the population this is not a given, it’s a luxury!

If you save £200 a month for the next 11 years that’s over £26,000! That’s a house deposit right there for your daughter! And most definitely will pay for her accommodation and living costs through uni (she can get a loan for her fees like everyone else).

You earn the same and have the same pension contributions as me, which is a take-home salary of around £3300 a month, yes? How on earth you are not eating for days on this income I don’t understand. Are you in debt? Where do you shop? I think you need to seriously look at your budgeting.

Not when you’re saving £200/month. This is bad prioritising