Is this not looking after myself?

It’s good to be prudent about spending but there’s a happy medium op! And stylish clothing is available at all price points nowadays, in fact you get different versions, high end and high street, of the same item made side by side in the same factory!

On the other hand, people “look after themselves” in different ways and no one would criticise a man for dressing in minimal Primark and spending all their money on a bike or a car. So you don’t have to conform to your mother’s or societal expectations if you are happy as you are!

The only thing I would say is that as a parent, you are a role model for your child, and they will take cues from you about how to respect themselves and how to live.

I think prioritising paying off £20k debt is the ultimate act of self care

Everyone has already said what I think in terms of this being at the extreme end of frugal and noticeable. If I were your mum I would give you some money to spend on clothes and only clothes for yourself.

Practical tips - go on Vinted and get some leather shoes (new or worn once) and a coat for winter right now, there are wool coats on there very cheap as it's the middle of summer. I picked one up for £5 wool herringbone, about £8 with postage last year. I also have some brand new shoes and worn once (that have no wear on bottoms) pretty cheap.

No-one is suggesting that you go crazy and spend a lot when you have debts, just that you get a few basics so that you can cope- I mean £9 shoes, one pair isn't enough and if anything happens to them, you won't have a spare pair, same if your jeans get stained, or something isn't washed quickly- also are you spending money on tumble drying to get this all washed fast enough? I think there's a false economy going on here. T-shirts will be fading if you wash them very frequently too.

I once rented and was in debt. I still dressed myself decently, and had a suitable selection of clothing for whatever situation arose. Buying adequate clothing (and even some entirely unnecessary items 😮) had very little impact on the length of time it took me to pay off my debt and buy a house.

Are you ND Op? My work colleague is very much like this. If you’re happy not having loads of stuff be it clothes or anything…good for you.

OP my parents lived like you and as a child it gave me a lot of anxiety. It was the fact they were renting, low income jobs etc they always thought they couldn’t spend anything. It really wasn’t nice for me as a child to have my mum in that same burgundy coat every winter, it made me sad and guilty. It was only when I got older and realised they earned a decent amount it made me think why on earth would you live like that. I never had much when we had DD until recently and my mum felt so bad for me she would buy DD so much and told me to save my money for myself and get some nice bits as I was looking awful. So your mum says it from a good place, she doesn’t want to see you struggle like that. You seem to be on the right path to getting debt free and getting a place of your own but don’t forget to look after yourself like you do DD.

Honestly please and go buy yourself some clothes.

Life is too short.

It would not be extravagant to buy a couple more outfits you'd enjoy wearing! I know how you feel though, I always prioritize the kids clothes and would happily spend money on theirs that I would never spend on myself!

It is definitely worth doing though, you deserve to enjoy clothes too xxx

How have you not accumulated anything over the years? I am not a spender on clothes and most of my stuff comes from charity shops but I inevitably have dresses bought for a wedding a decade ago or a pair of smart shoes bought for an interview.

The shoes would worry me most. How can what you are wearing now also be suitable for winter?

Similarly spending a couple of quid on thermals or a decent jumper (second hand) would surely be cheaper than the heating bill.

You are spending more on putting the washing machine on frequently, than you would if you just bought yourself a few more outfits.

I do think wearing two outfits on rotation almost every day is living as if you are desperately short of money. Excess materialism isn’t desirable either but it sounds as if you don’t think you need / deserve any new things at all. I think you have so few clothes that it must surely be tricky to dress for the weather and occasion? A single £9 pair of shoes and flip flops - so no shoes for evenings? No boots? No trainers? No shorts? You could create a capsule wardrobe with ten new things and look very different each day.

Hi @Salagaee I wish I could live with just a handful of outfits.

one of my friends has just one pair of sjoes, like you and I just dont get that, I'm a shoeholic, lol!

You don't need to buy loads, but you could have a couple of smarter outfits - classic lines - in the wardrobe. If you do want more clothes for small money, I recommend everythingfivepounds. They're typically high street brands excess clothes and shoes.

Do I think youre not looking after yourself? No. You absolutely are.

Most people have more clothes than they need. I think you need another pair of jeans, a decent pair of shoes/trainers for going out and a nice top or two. Make sure you have some layers to keep warm in winter.

I don't think you need to buy a lot more, but I would aim to have enough so that you can wash and dry full loads.

I think that you are being very sensible. Most of us overspend on outfits and then only wear a few of the same things all the time.

You are being very reasonable and I think you will go far with your type of mindset.

FYI - I am completely the opposite of you but my husband sounds like you and I have learnt so much from him.

I rent, and will be for life. My bedroom sounds like a shop compared to OPs! I have far more clothes than I need, but I like clothes. I buy second hand sometimes, and most of my new clothes I get on sale price - although if I see something I really like I will pay full price. I'm also retired, so it's not as though I even need clothes for work!

I get that some people aren't interested in clothes, but honestly OP it just seems miserable to have so few items to wear, and it's false economy to be having to constantly wash everything. You are on a good salary - I've never earned that much - so why not buy a few more things?

I think some people are just not bothered about clothes. In the same way that some people are not bothered about food, or their car, or the news. I'm not bothered about clothes. I have 3 x jeans, 1 x black trousers, 1 x exercise leggings. 7 x tshirts, 2 x hoodies. 1 x pair walking boots, 1 x pair wellies, 1 x trainers, 1 x black shoes (rarely worn!). Warm coat, rain jacket, smart coat. Just over a week of underwear. It's enough for me. Some of the t shirts are idenitical. I wore pyjamas when the kids were small, but not now. I am clean. I keep the scruffiest things for gardening and the newer items for facing the world. I couldn't care less if people have opinions about it - my priorities are different.

OP if you are happy, then crack on. Life your life by your own priorities.

I think your set up is unusual

I don’t even buy that much, but I definitely own multiple pairs of trousers for different occasions, some jeans, some skirts etc. I can definitely get 7 different outfits out of my wardrobe. I think you going between 2 items every week is borderline poverty. It’s not good for your clothes to be washed that often ( I assume multiple times per week?) - they will deteriorate faster

I can't understand how you have not got an entire ttire back wardrobe accumulated over your adult life. I have clothes over two decades old. At no point have I ever ditched my entire wardrobe. How do go on holiday? I presume you don't. New jeans cost £12 somewhere like Asda. I picked up a Monsoon silk dress in a charity shop for £6. I could double your wardrobe for about £50. I spend more than that on food a week. I'm much poorer than you are with 4 kids and I have have so much more. Can't you streach to some sainsbury's leggings and a primark hoodie?

I can't imagine having so few clothes, and don't think I could manage without buying a few more.
Most of mine are at least 10-15 years old (most are older than that) - I don't throw anything out until it's completely threadbare, and as a result have too many to fit in my drawers / wardrobe.
To have so few have you just never bothered buying clothes? Or have you always thrown them out periodically? My take home pay is under £1,900 so I can't relate to earning £3,700 and being worried about money. I live in the North West which may explain it, but still, I don't think I could manage with such a small amount of clothes.

a few more outfits aren't going to make a dent in either your debt or mortgage application.

I don't really get what you mean about not liking the clothes you can afford. Respectfully, even if they aren't your exact style, the cheapest basic plain dresses and jeans from asda or primark are going to look much nicer than cheap t shirts that have been worn and washed 100 times.

That sounds like very little to wear.

Look on Vinted if you're worried about money. You might find at least another pair of jeans, a shirt, sweatshirt, etc.

You wouldn't have to spend much to have a few clothing items to spare.

If you took £150 cash to Primark tomorrow, I think you’d be amazed at how much you could buy. Wouldn’t it cheer you up? Buy another pair of jeans, maybe some navy shorts for summer. Their v-neck t-shirts are £2.50, buy one in white, black, navy, a stripey one, pink, khaki, etc. Buy some light wide legged trousers, buy some sandals, some new trainers. Few jumpers or sweatshirts.

All this is pointless if you’ve got no interest in fashion or changing the way you dress, but if the reason you’re not shopping for new clothes is purely down to saving for a house, it’s silly. £150 isn’t the difference between buying a house or not.

I’m genuinely interested to know what £9 shoes you have that go with jeans, running trousers and dresses that are also suitable for the office??

Firstly It's right to prioritise your debts, but even debt management plans allow for clothing and personal care products.
Is it more that you feel you don't deserve nice things, because you can afford to have more clothes
The less clothes you have, the more you have to use the washing machine etc so it's false economy even in practical terms
" Allow" yourself £40 per month to buy some more basics on Vinted.
You can also buy stuff for DD on there

I am not into clothes not everyone is, as long as you are happy why do you have to meet some requirement?

If you want to buy more do but it's up to you