Is this not looking after myself?

I wouldn’t assume someone wasn’t taking care of themselves because they don’t spend a lot of money on clothes. There’s no equivalence between self care and how much you shop. Some people love clothes and buy loads of them and others aren’t interested beyond functional clothing.

But you do seem to be going out of your way to be Puritanical to the point that it makes me wonder if you have a bit of a hang up about spending money on yourself. You could very comfortably afford to buy a few cheap pieces of clothing for essentials without it having an impact on your finances.

Do you subconsciously think shopping for clothes is self indulgent or spoiled?

Depends. I earn well but don't have a large wardrobe. I just don't care for owning lots of clothes.

A PP is aghast that you don't own any vest tops. Why? I don't have vest tops.

I own 2 neutral coloured jumpsuits, 3 long sleeved neutral tops, 3 T-shirts, 5 dresses for work/going out, 2 jumpers, two cardigans, two long sleep T-shirts for bed, one short waterproof coat, one long winter coat, tights and underwear. I have one pair of trainer-style walking shoes, one pair of wellies, and one pair of smart boots. I also have one shoulder bag, one rucksack, and a swimming costume. In winter I have one hat, pair of gloves, and a scarf. I don't like jeans and the weather is never that hot here so I get away with my dislike for shorts. For the few hot days in the summer, jumpsuit and T-shirt are fine.

Unless you're missing some things from your list you could do with adding a few things. But if you're someone who doesn't really care for fashion or owning lots of clothes, a lot of people just can't really get their head around that. Bet they wouldn't bat an eyelid if a guy was rotating the same couple of jeans and few T-shirts though.

I choose not to buy or own many clothes for a few reasons (in no particular order):

Storage space
Funds
Concern for environment
Complete lack of interest in fashion
Don’t do much socialising
Hate shopping
I hate clutter- the more stuff I have, the more stressed I feel

I do have more clothes than you OP but not loads and almost all of them are practical. If you have enough clothes for your needs and if they’re not full of holes or smelly, then I think you should continue as you are if that’s what makes you happy. I wouldn’t see this as a sign of not looking after yourself. To me, self care is about exercise, good food, sleep, rest, meditation… rather than how you look or what you buy.

Compared to what you read a lot of on here you are being very sensible but if I knew a work colleague had so little I’d be really concerned.

Charity shops or Facebook marketplace could be great for bulking out your wardrobe a little. I’d reduce what you spend on your daughter or get her some good second hand clothes to free up money for you. I buy off Facebook marketplace for my children and have got some lovely clothes very cheaply (I mix this in with buying new).

There's a big difference between just not being particularly into fashion/not many clothes and not actually having the basics.

Not having a single smart outfit or a decent coat or nightclothes is really a step too far.

You’re a grown woman op, I’m sure you’re well aware that having so few items of clothing isn’t usual.

It's a bit daft, you must have the washing machine going all the time. You need a few more clothes. Get yourself on Vinted or down to Tesco and buy some basics.

It sounds like competitiveness badness. Cheap supermarket or vented or charity shop can get you a small capsule wardrobe. Surely washing is difficult if you don’t have enough stuff to wash?

Owning one pair of jeans and no other trousers other than for working out seems odd, it surely makes life harder, and just isn’t necessary- if true it sounds like you’re being a bit obsessive with trying not to spend anything at all. Have you heard of Project 333? (I think that’s what it’s called)- she recommends 33 items in your wardrobe for a 3 month season- most people find it a challenge to get down to 33- but you seem to have around 10? (And actually she doesn’t include workout clothes in that).

this is hard but I find it shocking you have so few clothes. Do you care what you look like or what others’ think? It’s a bit odd to not care at all.. which is how it sounds..

If I was your mum I would put a couple of hundred pounds in your account so you could get a few bits.

set aside a budget each month for clothing for you and your DD. Start buying DD a bit less and every month get yourself a few basics or a main thing especially in the sales. Also look in the charity shops as can find loads in them if you are lucky to be an average size (unlike me). I’d buy the kids clothes from there myself as they grow so quickly.

I set aside a bit of money each month like this and then have it ready when I see or need things. Tons of my clothes are really old and I got rid of stuff that no longer fitted a while back.

I get my wardrobe organised so that I have at least ten basic outfits depending upon season, I put things away out of season to make it all last a lot longer. I buy things that I can usually mix or match so ten outfits so I can go a week without washing them when I need to and then the next ten days worn with different tops/ bottoms and the same the last ten days of the month. I started doing this ‘clothes rotation’ when I worked in a professional role but had no money so could look like I had a different outfit every week but I really didn’t.

So at the moment as it’s so hot where I am I’ve got on rotation 3 pairs of shorts, 2 pairs of cropped leggings, 2 dresses alongside various tshirts and vest tops depending on the heat that day. I then also have some other bits and bobs so some older cropped trousers and tops (most are over ten years old) on standby and to mix in for the other three days.

Last month I got some basic vests from m and s I use for sleeping in or in the garden last month as mine have holes in.

And today I realised fatface have a sale on with things in my sizes so with the rest of the money I had set aside I have bought two pairs of shorts as one pair of my three pairs shorts have a really bad hole (been wearing in the garden only).

Not the right season but I also had enough set aside to also be able to get two zipped hoodies. I once again have three zipped hoodies I wear mainly on repeat in autumn/winter and 1 of those is threadbare so only can wear at home so I’ve covered that old item again and got an extra.

This way I get as much use as possible out of everything without people realising some of my clothes are really old or that I’m wearing the same items a lot. Also means I can do bigger and less washes which saves loads on the washing costs.

I used to be a single parent with no money whatsoever and about three sets of clothes so if I was trying to get it dry I’d be stuck in that day as literally nothing to wear. And yes I’ve had comments about it so this way there’s never any comments, sorry your mum said that to you btw it’s a bit hurtful.

Me too.

Just go into Primark and treat yourself to a few dresses. They are less than £10 each!

I read on here recently that 'clothing is communication'. What messages are you sending OP? To whom? And why?

Two people I knew were like you. Ultimately I just thought that they were dead tight. They never looked as though they'd made any effort for special occasions as they just wore the same few bland things all the time. I didn't know about their finances but both had OK jobs.

What strikes me is that you don't have specific nightwear. Why not? Why do you wear one of your few T-shirts to bed? They'll be unnecessarily worn and need laundering. Why don't you think you're worth a couple of pairs of cheap pyjamas or nighties to finish each day off nicely?

I'd say you need to triple your wardrobe at least. It may feel strange at first but you'll feel a lot better once you have a bit of choice and you can dress for the weather and particular activities.

Something awful could happen tomorrow! It's fine to live a little!

I’m all for decluttering but this seems extreme. I understand saving for a mortgage and money being short (we are a family of 4 on take home of 2100) but I shop mainly on vinted for under a fiver. Have you looked there? I would also guess with such a small selection you will be constantly washing, drinking energy. If it’s just you and dd I should imagine 2 loads a week would be sufficient (plus bedding) so maybe get afew bits off vinted and save the water/electric and laundry powder

What do you wear for work? What happens when your clothes are in the washing/getting dried? Presumably you have a coat for when it rains and jammies?

You are on a fairly good take home pay. It I hard to work out why you can't even afford clothes. I see you are quite heavily in debt, Are your overheads too high for your income.

Looks like you need some budgeting advice.

If you are short of time and cash as well as clothes, you could always buy a bundle off ebay. Quick, easy and cheap way of expanding your wardrobe.

I honestly think that you should buy yourself some new clothes.
There’s being frugal and there’s looking like Poor Pitiful Pearl.
You don’t have to buy it all at once — buy a little bit now, some next month and some over the next few months.
Take your mum or a friend with you to be your stylist — my mum had excellent taste.
And it isn’t splurging - this is necessary.
And you won’t believe how great you’ll feel walking around in those new jeans and top.
Why, you’ll positively glow.

So are many millions of others renting! I think you are being frugal to the extreme. Your mum mentioned her concerns to you because she loves you. Why are you buying such cheap shoes and flip flops when you have a high salary?
Bring some colour into your life, life is short

I find this odd behaviour. You can get really really cheap and great quality second hand clothes from vinted.

I'd take onboard your mum's suggestions and at least get a few more bits.

All debt repayment plans include an element of fun money.

Get yourself some pyjamas OP?

I was about to say this. It's totally false economy.

@Salagaee - for the amount you spend on laundry you could buy some excellent outfits from charity shops!

If your local ones are no good, go to a 'posh' area or town. You'll find Per Una, Reiss, Hobbs, Phase Eight...... et cetera. And decent shoes, a 2nd pair of jeans, a coat and some lovely costume jewellery...

NB: Fara have some children's shops with great nearly new clothes that were very expensive when new.