Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Married neighbour wanting me

137 replies

Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 22:19

I know both women and men cheat, but in my situation I've got a married man wanting me (single female)

He's one of my direct neighbours, he's married, no kids. 40s.

I've very clearly said no to him, that it would be unfair on his wife. I said if he was single yes. But he's not. And I made it very clear to him.

I get along with him as a neighbour, there's a few of us who all chat and have a laugh. I get on with his wife but I don't see her out and about as often as him. Me and him have never been alone other than if we bump into each other outside the houses. I've never flirted. I wouldn't say they were close friends but we get on as neighbours all of us. We're different families, some single some married, married with/without kids, some have kids that moved out etc. We've got quite a variety to set to scene.

My question is, why do married men look else where? He has a sex life with her. So why did he want me? They've been together two decades so surely this isn't the first time he's looked else where. Do they do it for control given I'm his neighbour? He's bored? I really don't understand it. If he's not happy I don't get why he doesn't just leave.

I just want to clarify again I will not be pursuing with it. And even if he did become single I wouldnt be with him as I couldnt trust him.

I'm so disappointed. He seemed like such a lovely guy and I've seen this whole other side of him with this. I look at him differently from how I used to. I'm shocked.

OP posts:
Jc2001 · 29/05/2024 15:48

Got to love the tone of the thread. The man is just a man and can't really help it, poor little sausage. But the op is the villain and a manipulator for leading him on somehow. Seems to be the MN way though. So much for sisterhood 😀

Stripeysocks1981 · 29/05/2024 15:50

Jc2001 · 29/05/2024 15:48

Got to love the tone of the thread. The man is just a man and can't really help it, poor little sausage. But the op is the villain and a manipulator for leading him on somehow. Seems to be the MN way though. So much for sisterhood 😀

Edited

Not at all. He’s an absolute rat.
But it’s the doe eyed “poor innocent me” when she has TOLD him she fancies him that makes her almost as bad.
The only person in this scenario I feel sorry for is the poor wife!!

Surprisedcupcake · 29/05/2024 15:54

If you weren't interested in him why did you (and I quote) say "I said if he was single yes."

You are either interested in him or leading him on. I think you like the attention tbh otherwise it would have been a flat no.

Otherstories2002 · 29/05/2024 16:04

Jc2001 · 29/05/2024 15:48

Got to love the tone of the thread. The man is just a man and can't really help it, poor little sausage. But the op is the villain and a manipulator for leading him on somehow. Seems to be the MN way though. So much for sisterhood 😀

Edited

I've not seen anyone say he can’t help it.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 29/05/2024 17:16

Jc2001 · 29/05/2024 15:48

Got to love the tone of the thread. The man is just a man and can't really help it, poor little sausage. But the op is the villain and a manipulator for leading him on somehow. Seems to be the MN way though. So much for sisterhood 😀

Edited

Only in your wild imagination.

And since when does this 'sisterhood' mean you can't tell another woman you think she's done something wrong?

PassingStranger · 29/05/2024 17:20

Talk about sitting on your own doorstep.

SlovenlyOldSlut · 29/05/2024 19:14

Jc2001 · 29/05/2024 15:48

Got to love the tone of the thread. The man is just a man and can't really help it, poor little sausage. But the op is the villain and a manipulator for leading him on somehow. Seems to be the MN way though. So much for sisterhood 😀

Edited

It’s nothing to do with “sisterhood” or the lack of it. I haven’t seen anyone supporting the man. But thinking the man is a rat doesn’t mean people can’t think the OP has made things worse with her faux-innocent “But I don’t understand why he keeps trying! All I did was say I fancied him and would jump at the chance if he was single! How could that possibly have encouraged him?” routine.

rosaleetree · 30/05/2024 07:07

Jc2001 · 29/05/2024 15:48

Got to love the tone of the thread. The man is just a man and can't really help it, poor little sausage. But the op is the villain and a manipulator for leading him on somehow. Seems to be the MN way though. So much for sisterhood 😀

Edited

Literally noone said he cant help it - everyone called him an absolute sleaze.

But there are huge gaping holes in this story- she's never spoken to him alone and yet she knows what his sex life is like with his wife?

She told him she'd go for him "if he was single"?

She thinks he is a lovely guy despite the fact she's never apparently spoken to him on her own

Does none of this strike you as a bit odd?

SpringerFall · 30/05/2024 07:11

Jc2001 · 29/05/2024 15:48

Got to love the tone of the thread. The man is just a man and can't really help it, poor little sausage. But the op is the villain and a manipulator for leading him on somehow. Seems to be the MN way though. So much for sisterhood 😀

Edited

What just because she is female there has to be a 'sisterhood'? are females not repsonsible for their own actions?

saffronflower · 30/05/2024 07:30

Sisterhood?! Its not very "sisterly" to tell a married guy you'd sleep with him if he wasn't with his wife is it 😂

TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre · 30/05/2024 07:38

Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 23:05

I've told him the door is closed and that I'm not remotely interested at all.

Show quote history

Maybe so, but all that he heard was "if you were single". So in his mind it's only a matter of time before you give in to your feelings for him!

If you don't spend any time alone together hie on earth is he plaguing you to be with him? He's hardly doing this in front of people. If he's texting you just block his number. You don't need to be in contact with him.

Someone else mentioned you are giving this far too much headspace. Your OP actually sounds a bit gushing. I think you are very flattered by his attention and he can sense that from you. He's hoping with a bit of persuasion he'll have sex with you. Or maybe he doesn't want to have sex at all but he likes winding you up.

Either way he sounds like a dick. Avoid and block him.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 30/05/2024 10:33

I can't get past a smoker telling a non-smoker to have just one'. That just cannot be right? Perhaps the OP misheard?

What I do know is that some sorts have a very finely tuned antenna for women-who-might, who are worth a punt. They try and then move on if rebuffed. This one hasn't had an actual rebuff, just an "Ooh you are naughty!".

New posts on this thread. Refresh page