Married neighbour wanting me

Your first mistake with this Chancer was telling him you would be with him if he was single.
That's a green flag to a Philanderer.
What would his wife say if she knew you said that?

I had a very similar situation. He would wolf whistle, make little comments, 'Slide into my SM's as they say.
I shut him down and, years later, he still totally blanks me.
Big baby 😂

You told him you find him attractive. That was a mistake.

He thinks there's still hope.

This.

Because they can. Someone lets them. He's not going to give up OP - you've give him the amber light, by indicating you would if he was single. He thinks it's green next if he perseveres, not red. Shut him down. Not doing so suggests you are flattered/titillated by his attentions, rather than wanting him to stop. Your reply was very disrespectful to his wife.

A missed opportunity to tell him that no means no. And why are you even hanging out with him? Surely the less you see of him the better?

Yep. If that constitutes 'not flirting', the whole concept of flirting is meaningless.

Boredom
Lack of sex at home
Because they can
Wanting to know they're still attractive to others
Feeling unwanted in their marriage

The same reasons women look elsewhere but you know this, surely?

This. It's pretty obvious- he wants the excitement of an affair which is just about sex and he likes the idea of it being illicit and exciting whilst still having his home life intact. Its also a huge ego boost which releases dopamine in the brain - just like gambling etc Sex and validation that he's still got it.

I think what you said about "if he was single" was a bit weird though- why did you need to say that? why not just say no. Saying if you were single implies that you do in fact find him attractive and he will have loved that because it probably inflated his already massive ego. He sounds like a massive dickhead and you just essentially complimented him

He's a sleeze.

Make it clear at the next possible opportunity that he's definitely not your type, you're not interested under any circumstances and if he keeps bothering you you'll let his wife know what he's up to.

He's a chancer. They try it on with anyone.

When he accepts your 'no' and worries you'll inform his wife he'll tell her you have a crush on him and you resented being turned down.

You'll know when this happens as she'll be frosty with you.

I've seen this done.

Me and him have never been alone other than if we bump into each other outside the houses.

Slightly confused by this OP. If you've never been alone with him, how have you managed to get into this depth of conversation by just bumping into him outside of your respective houses? A married man surely doesn't just put the bins out, see his neighbour and propose they have an affair?

Yes, this is indeed strange. Sorry, but there must be more to it than this. So you have never spoken to him alone, only bumped into him randomly outside in passing and yet he's suggesting an affair- lol what?

I suspect there is more you arent telling us.....

He's made sure they 'bump into' one another. The proposition wasn't spontaneous. Men like him are experts on cornering and compromising women.

Why on earth did you tell him you would be interested if he was single? And once you had told him that why on earth did you think he would leave it at that?

This. The story has more holes than a sieve.
You need to steer clear.

I agree, you should have told him you weren’t interested and not qualified it with “but if you were single”. Now he’ll always think he has a chance.

He's a sleazy piece of shit but you should not have told him you'd be interested if he was single. Next, he'll come slithering up to you lying, and telling you he and his wife are on a break or have separated so you can go ahead with that fling you would have had if he werent attached.

I think you are attracted to him because I simply dont understand why you'd say it otherwise and he seems to be taking up a lot of your headspace for someone you've only bumped into a couple of times.

He's just a boringly average cheating lying twat, there are plenty of them about and there really is no deep or meaningful reason underneath- he just wants to get his leg over. Also, why did you think he was "such a lovely guy" if you've never actually spoken to him alone?- how can you possibly ascertain someone's character from seeing them momentarily whilst taking the bins out or whatever?

He's a randy old shit.

You haven't handled this well @Namechanged000000, with men like that you need to be blunt and walk away, not coyly suggest his wife is the barrier.

He sounds grim.

I think probably he's just bored and fancies a challenge. What a dick.

He's just looking for a diversion. Also, you told him that the reason you won't have an affair with him is he's married. He doesn't care that he's married, so in his mind, why should you?

I’m not sure why posters are so quick to tell the op it’s not you, it’s not because you’re attractive, you’re one of many. (Well I can guess)

Blame the op for her response which I doubt many of you have been in the position to give your perfect reply.

I do think you are giving this too much headspace and that is probably why you have the bitter replies.

Also, despite only ever "bumping into him" on the street, she seems to know that he's still having sex with his wife? How exactly did that conversation come about?! Or have you heard them through the walls? Far more to this story than OP is letting on.

So why did he want me? They've been together two decades so surely this isn't the first time he's looked else where. Do they do it for control given I'm his neighbour? He's bored? I really don't understand it. If he's not happy I don't get why he doesn't just leave.

Come off it - nobody is this stupid 🙄

I just want to clarify again I will not be pursuing with it.

She who doth protest too much springs to mind....

I’m not saying this to have a dig at you but I think men like this often sense something vulnerable and it’s more of a predatory move than anything else.

I feel it’s quite insulting tbh. This probably is because I was groomed as a teen - not because I was devastatingly attractive but because I was a little vulnerable.

The smoking thing is such a huge red flag. You and your welfare mean nothing to him. That’s a power play.

I think you’re asking the wrong question. - not why do “men”, but why this man and why me.

Or better yet waste absolutely no more thought on him.

Sorry to be a bit blunt but since you’re asking the question, I think it’s the wrong one.

You should be asking why does your neighbour want no-strings sex with a woman in a convenient location - someone who will almost certainly not tell his wife as you’d be sh*tting on your own doorstep. I think the reason is obvious.

🤢