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Married neighbour wanting me

137 replies

Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 22:19

I know both women and men cheat, but in my situation I've got a married man wanting me (single female)

He's one of my direct neighbours, he's married, no kids. 40s.

I've very clearly said no to him, that it would be unfair on his wife. I said if he was single yes. But he's not. And I made it very clear to him.

I get along with him as a neighbour, there's a few of us who all chat and have a laugh. I get on with his wife but I don't see her out and about as often as him. Me and him have never been alone other than if we bump into each other outside the houses. I've never flirted. I wouldn't say they were close friends but we get on as neighbours all of us. We're different families, some single some married, married with/without kids, some have kids that moved out etc. We've got quite a variety to set to scene.

My question is, why do married men look else where? He has a sex life with her. So why did he want me? They've been together two decades so surely this isn't the first time he's looked else where. Do they do it for control given I'm his neighbour? He's bored? I really don't understand it. If he's not happy I don't get why he doesn't just leave.

I just want to clarify again I will not be pursuing with it. And even if he did become single I wouldnt be with him as I couldnt trust him.

I'm so disappointed. He seemed like such a lovely guy and I've seen this whole other side of him with this. I look at him differently from how I used to. I'm shocked.

OP posts:
ShinyPebble32 · 28/05/2024 10:44

You say you’ve never flirted but saying to him ‘if you were single, yes’ is extremely silly if you are trying to shut it down completely. He’ll only hear the ‘yes’ and keep trying.

Hugely disrespectful to his wife, too - as PP’s have said.

NestaArcheron · 28/05/2024 10:46

How on earth do you know about his sex life with his wife? This conversation went on a lot longer than you're letting on.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 28/05/2024 10:49

I've never, ever, heard of a non-smoker being persuaded into having a cigarette with 'go on, just one'? That is bizarre.

OP, you've done nothing wrong but you are unwittingly encouraging this man by engaging. He's set out his stall - he's happy to be disrespectful to his wife and pursue you if you'll take him. You're better than that.

Just outright, "No, I'm not interested". If he's stupid enough to carry on after that, tell his wife.

ouch321 · 28/05/2024 10:54

Your words suggest you're not interested but the tone of this post actually suggests you're quite pleased with yourself.

WalkingaroundJardine · 28/05/2024 10:57

Yes, you do sound like you are flattered with a post title like ”married neighbour wanting me” and then asking us to analyse your interactions with him.

RedHelenB · 28/05/2024 11:01

Everythingiscalmfornow · 27/05/2024 22:42

Telling him you would have a relationship with him if he was single seems like you are leading him on and encouraging him.

This.

MermaidEyes · 28/05/2024 11:04

What a weird thread. Men have cheated since time began. Nothing new there. Sounds like a stealth boast to me....

MermaidEyes · 28/05/2024 11:05

WalkingaroundJardine · 28/05/2024 10:57

Yes, you do sound like you are flattered with a post title like ”married neighbour wanting me” and then asking us to analyse your interactions with him.

Sounds like the title of a cheesy porn video.

TheLoudLeader · 28/05/2024 11:08

So what happened in the end ?

How did all these conversations happen in the street, “if you was single…” etc. Does sound like you like him / fancy him. If I was the wife I’d be mad at him but also wouldn’t appreciate that comment from yourself… it’s a bit leading him on to temptation. How did he even say that he wanted you in this way ?

labracadabras · 28/05/2024 11:12

TimoteiChaletpants · 27/05/2024 22:25

Because he wants excitement of someone to pursue and shag, whilst still keeping the rest of his life intact.
A straight no would be the best answer. ‘If you were single’ just encourages him. Next he’ll be telling you they are in a relationship in name only, will be splitting up soon. Blah

which will all be a lie

Because he can and foolishly you entertained the conversation.

the minutes my friends husband stroked my arm I was - what the fuck are you doing?

ShinyPebble32 · 28/05/2024 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 28/05/2024 11:13

Your single so assumed to be desperate for it, in his mind he can shag and discard when done.

KimberleyClark · 28/05/2024 11:13

WalkingaroundJardine · 28/05/2024 10:57

Yes, you do sound like you are flattered with a post title like ”married neighbour wanting me” and then asking us to analyse your interactions with him.

“Married neighbour propositioned me” would make him sound like the creep he is. Whereas “Married neighbour wants me” makes it more about the OP.

SpringerFall · 28/05/2024 11:13

Which bowl does the car keys go into?

willWillSmithsmith · 28/05/2024 12:46

You probably shouldn’t have said you would if he was single. Why even say that?

Chatonette · 28/05/2024 12:55

Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 22:45

I told him this after he said he wanted to be with me. I said "if you were single yes but you're married so no"

Soooo….in hindsight, not really the best approach. It let him know that you would be interested if he were single, which in his mind, could mean a green light to continue to pursue you. This isn’t exactly shutting him down in no uncertain terms.

And how do you know what sex he is or isn’t having with his wife?

willWillSmithsmith · 28/05/2024 13:00

ouch321 · 28/05/2024 10:54

Your words suggest you're not interested but the tone of this post actually suggests you're quite pleased with yourself.

Probably preens in front of the mirror before stepping outside, just in case.

willWillSmithsmith · 28/05/2024 13:03

Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 23:22

Thank you. I completely agree.

Yet you’d go out with him if he was single?

WigglyVonWaggly · 28/05/2024 13:08

It’s hard to say without knowing him but I would probably disagree with the comment that you’re clearly just convenient and he’s not attracted to you. It’s rather insulting to you! There clearly is a sexual interest in you and he’s risking everything by shitting on his own doorstep. I think it’s more likely that he’s unhappy, willing to leave his wife particularly since kids aren’t involved but is too cowardly to do it without lining someone else up first. It’s weird that it’s come from nowhere though: s he doesn’t really know you, has never had a conversation alone with you and yet is happy let you know he’s happy to hop into bed. A very superficial attraction. Clearly the possibility of you telling her doesn’t bother him either, so add arrogant to that too.

WhenTheMoonShines · 28/05/2024 13:10

Why on earth are you having a convo where you’re telling a married man you’d shag him if he were single? Sorry but you’re every bit as bad as he is in this scenario.

Idontgiveashitanymore · 28/05/2024 13:11

He’s obviously an arsehole but you telling him” if you were single “ he’s not going to stop now!
🚩🚩

TheSnowyOwl · 28/05/2024 13:16

It’s as straightforward as it would be convenient sex as you live so close and it would also be slightly risky because you live so close and know his wife. Win win for him. And given it’s all about him, that’s all he is interested in.

RainbowsMoonbeams · 28/05/2024 13:19

How do you know he has a sex life with his wife? Sounds like you two are too close as it is 😳

Boundries have clearly been crossed already with these types of conversations. Not your usual across the fence convos, are they?!

Bluesuitredtie · 28/05/2024 13:28

I’d lie and tell him my bf lives a three hour drive away or something like that if you want to be rid of his advances.

can you imagine the fall out if you did get it on together. You couldn’t even escape to your home to get away from it.

ArcaneWireless · 28/05/2024 13:35

Beefcurtains79 · 28/05/2024 07:56

This. The story has more holes than a sieve.
You need to steer clear.

I concur though I daresay only one hole is relevant here.