Married neighbour wanting me

I've very clearly said no to him, that it would be unfair on his wife. I said if he was single yes.
From his point of view, you've said 'Yes'. And that is flirting, so you do flirt. Men see unpartnered women as opportunities. It's not personal. Usually.

I’ve had a similar experience with a 50 year-old senior guy at work. Married, 2 kids, a seemingly idyllic life. He shows interest in me and tries to engineer ways for us to be alone together and likes to talk about non- work things with me.

I have no idea why men do this. I’m in my 30s and I could not be less interested. I’m not interested in single middle-aged men, let alone the married ones with kids.

I think a lot of men are completely deluded about their attractiveness to young women.

By telling him you would if you were single you have told him you fancy him. He’s thinking it’ll just take a bit longer to wear you down. It’s like if you are on a diet and someone else keeps wafting cake under their nose. You know that eventually, if they ask often enough, and leave enough cake lying around, they will eventually catch you in a weak moment and (bad day, feeling tired or vulnerable, wanting comfort) eat the cake.

Don’t eat the cake, and tell him you don’t like the cake and would rather go and get your own healthy snack.

Yet you still told him if he was single you would.

Totally inappropriate.

You have given a vibe and he’s responded.

What you should have said was

“you’re married. That’s disgusting”.

Because single or not he’s the kind of kid that hits on women behind his wife’s back.

You gave him a big fat green flag.

You saying “If you were SINGLE, yes” was a round about way of you saying “I find you attractive- I might give in “

He obviously will continue as he sees you as low hanging fruit.

This.
It’s an incredibly flirty thing to do.

I think OP is flattered by this seedy man’s attention.

Men like this need shutting down.

I also suspect the “ Cigarette “ he offered was a spliff.

You've basically told a married man u fancy him

Simple thing to do. Next time there is any suggestion, make it clear that is the last one, or you will speak to his wife. And 100% go through with it.

Even though I think you should not have responded in the way you did initially.

there's a few of us who all chat and have a laugh. I get on with his wife but I don't see her out and about as often as him. Me and him have never been alone other than if we bump into each other outside the houses. I've never flirted.
Ah, a local group drinking at the pub. I was part of a group like this many moons ago when I was single.
You shouldn't be flirting with him OP, as others have said; now you're turning it over and over in your mind, getting ready for an affair next time you're both drunk. It's pathetic, and not good for you. Honestly, online dating is annoying, but in this kind of situation much better for you.

I told him this after he said he wanted to be with me. I said "if you were single yes but you're married so no"

That's kind of giving him the validation he needs to try and peruse. No would have been suffice.

“No” would have been much shorter and more effective.

As for why some men cheat, to quote Blanche Deveraux: “The same reason a dog licks himself - because he can.”

Absolutely! What was the point in telling him this, OP?

The answer you were looking for was "No, I'm not interested."

I said if he was single yes.

So in his mind he's got a green light to keep pursuing you.

Why not tell his wife? That will get the message across. And if you still want him single, will probably do the trick.

You can't say you aren't remotely interested and have replied as you did.

Story time... I'm not single but my DP works away for long periods. One of my neighbours is a gardener and used to do my garden. He started being inappropriate when my DP was away and even posted letters in my door saying he wanted to take me out. I confronted him and told him he better not set foot on my property again or there would be hell on. On 2 occasions he came into my garden and I was like the old guy from Monster House, shouting "get off my lawn" shaking my fist (i know OTT but I was so enraged by his audacity 🤣) he did attempt to leave "gifts" on my doorstep even after this and I logged it with the police and let him know this, in the middle of the street when I saw him. His wife knows what he does as I'm not the first woman he has propositioned. That's her choice and I won't stop saying hi to her because of him.

If you REALLY were appalled by it as you claim, you wouldn't have said "if you were single" you'd be shaking your fist out of the window 🤣

Wanted to be with you means a shag. That's all he sees you as. He sounds a dog.
His poor wife.

No offence to you but it's because you're available, nothing more special than the wife. At the most different. I'd ignore him from now on tbh, any further interaction will inflate his deluded ego and he will misinterpret romance for flirting.

Oh come off it OP. You’re LOVING this and absolutely encouraging it.

I think so too. Anyone not interested would have said so and moved on not make a huge deal in a post about trying to "understand"why men do this. I've been hit on my married men. Cut it off instantly.

Quite. The way the title is worded too is a bit of a humble brag.

I also think you are loving this.

I noticed this too. References to having a laugh with him.

I disagree with the posters suggesting it's a 'humble brag'. The OP isn't reading the situation correctly on this thread - nobody with self-esteem would feel it worthy of bragging about because it's not.

A man wants a fling. It doesn't matter who (or what), just anybody will do. OP, that is what this man is. I hope you were just bored and posting for something to do and that this situation isn't real because if it is, it's sad. Not so much what this twat is doing but your response to it, all giddy and gushing. It's embarrassing to read.

It's not that this man particularly wants you, he senses that you are available because you haven't categorically told him that you're not. Big difference.

A piece of advice.

Don't shit on your own doorstep.

Also the more I think about it, the more yuck I feel about your thread header.

It wasn’t: Unwanted overtones from a married neighbour

It was: Married neighbour wanting me

Alright Blanche DuBois!

I doubt that would discourage him. You have told him you fancy him.