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dp wants to go away for 3 weeks without me and dc's , what would you say ?

(211 Posts)
Lilyloo Wed 15-Jul-09 16:33:34

Dp has just announced that his sister who lives in Aus wants to pay for him to come out
next year to see her get married.
Unfortunately we had to say no as the flights for him , me and 3 dc's were just way to much. I was really gutted and so was dp.
However the recent failure of his buisness , which left us in a lot of debt meant we had no option. We are now living to a really tight budget trying to get back on track.
Now his sis has asked how he feels about her paying for him to go.
Now i would love for him to be able to go and see her get married but his family are going for 3 weeks.

He just told me and my initial reaction was 'that's his hols all gone for next year so no chance of us getting away at all.'
He now in a mood as he says i shouldn't be so dismissive , so presume he thought he would be going.

If he does go that's me at home with 3 dc's over easter and ds's birthday . We have bought a tent this year in hope to get cheap hols away but obv i won't be able to go without dp.

Also he will still need spending money for holiday which will be hard to find , probably accomodation etc.

Am i being unfair ? What would you say ?

Sorry it's so long blush

bronze Wed 15-Jul-09 16:35:36

Does he have to go for 3 weeks?

rubyslippers Wed 15-Jul-09 16:35:39

he should be there for the wedding

I know australia is a long way, but could he not go for less than 3 weeks?

the wedding thing does put a different spin on things IMO

madwomanintheattic Wed 15-Jul-09 16:36:08

why doesn't he just go for a week? if she's paying could you stretch to that? 3 weeks is milking it a bit.

TrinityRhinoHasASillyStepson Wed 15-Jul-09 16:36:15

surely he would saty with his sis
wont need to spend much, if she is paying flights and he is staying with her
just one of those things really
I would think he should go

just take the dcs camping on your own smile

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Wed 15-Jul-09 16:36:45

How about he only goes for a week?

nickytwotimes Wed 15-Jul-09 16:36:46

Hmm, tricky.
3 weeks is a long time and tbh I would not want to be without dh for that long with 3 kids around.
Otoh, it is a big deal, seeing his sis get married.

If money is an issue though, I think on balance he needs to forget it. He would need money and you don't have it. Also it would be denying you a holiday with the kids.

nickytwotimes Wed 15-Jul-09 16:37:14

Ah, yes, a week would be a good compromise.

Dophus Wed 15-Jul-09 16:37:26

Compromise 1-2 weeks max. He should go for sister's wedding but agree that 3 weeks is milking.

CMOTdibbler Wed 15-Jul-09 16:38:23

He doesn't have to go for three weeks though does he ? He could gratefully accept her offer, then go for 7 days. Maybe he could stay with sister or her friends whilst there ?

Lilyloo Wed 15-Jul-09 16:39:15

Maybe he could do the week. I guess we just thought 3 as that's what the rest of his family are doing.

He would prob need accomodation as quite a few family are going and his sis is putting up her fiancees children.

Wish i could do camping on my own but no way can get that tent up by myself grin

Pinkjenny Wed 15-Jul-09 16:39:27

3 weeks is definitely too long, imo. My dh is going to the world cup next year and my cut off wink is a week.

He's always at bloody work when he's here anyway! grin

KIMItheThreadSlayer Wed 15-Jul-09 16:56:49

I think 3 weeks is a bit long, couold he not go for a week? Just for the wedding

TrinityRhinoHasASillyStepson Wed 15-Jul-09 16:59:07

actually yes three weeks is too long because it isn't neccessary for it to be three weeks
I didn't think of it like that as I used to be used to 4 or so months of zero contact at a time

mosschops30 Wed 15-Jul-09 17:00:15

agree with everyone else that just because the rest of the family are going for 3 weeks doesnt mean that he has to.
The flight is a killer, and takes ages to get over, but if he wants to see his sister get married then I think going for a week is a big compromise. I havent been to Oz in 8 years, but accomm used to be extremely cheap (we stayed in a 4 star hotel with a pool etc in the centre of Sydney for £32 a night)

warthog Wed 15-Jul-09 17:01:36

he should go for a week - 10 days max.

you find a friend to go camping with. don't be a martyr sitting at home.

elliott Wed 15-Jul-09 17:08:03

I think he should go for the 3 weeks. Once he is there its silly just to turn round and come home again - its a once in a lifetime event and it would be nice for him to share it with his sister and other family. Ok, yes it sucks for you a bit, but if it was the other way around wouldn't you want him to be generous to you and let you go, willingly and without (too much) resentment? I know that's what I'd want from my dh.

stressed2007 Wed 15-Jul-09 17:09:39

are any of your kids under 2 - free seat on plane?

JRocks Wed 15-Jul-09 17:13:38

Yeah I'd say 10 days max, it's not really necessary to do any longer, despite the killer flight. The first time I went to Oz (pre DS) was only for two weeks so it can be done. I hope he's willing to compromise.

piscesmoon Wed 15-Jul-09 17:15:52

I would let him because, as elliot says, it is a once in a lifetime experience-it is such a long way to go for a week.
I wouldn't give up on the camping-find a friend to go with instead.

macdoodle Wed 15-Jul-09 19:24:12

Under 2's do not get a FREE seat, they get a reduced price IF they sit on your lap...for a 24hr flight no thanks!!
<<hi there Lilyloo>>
3 weeks is 2 long I would say 10 days or 2 weeks tops!

Lilyloo Wed 15-Jul-09 19:27:17

No dd2 will be 2 in Jan so have to pay for all flights and that is a definate impossibility.

Elliott i appreciate it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. But going for 3 weeks would mean he misses ds birthday and the spending money / accomodation means we would have to forgo any hol or extra of any sort for the rest of us. Does that make me sound mean ?

I mentioned the week to him and he didn't really say either way but agreed 3 weeks would be too long.

TheProfiteroleThief Wed 15-Jul-09 19:27:21

I'd tell my DH to sod off.
Immediate family comes before extended in my book.

If family is so important to his sis - why did she emigrate.

I accept that it would be nice for him to go, but why not accept contribution, save it and add to it, then visit as a family when she has her first born?

oranges Wed 15-Jul-09 19:31:08

Profiterole Thief - are you really suggesting he says _ so sis, you know that you wanted to pay for me to come for your wedding? well, can we just have the money instead??

LoveBeingAMummy Wed 15-Jul-09 19:33:13

I wouldn't like my DH to go tbh.

If he suggested a week I might come round to the idea, but defo not if it meant we as a family didn't go anywhere next year.

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