Partner is pretending like I’m not pregnant and it is making me miserable

[Numallgoff]

I’m 25 and he is 10 years older than me, we have a son each from previous relationships and our family blends well. His son only stays for the summer and my son is away at weekends with his Dad. We wanted kids together but this baby wasn’t planned (contraceptive failure) and we were in shock. He didn’t react well at first but over the next week he came round and said we’d manage it. I understand he may not be thrilled as he is currently unemployed (job lost due to covid) and looking for work so is worried about money but it’s really frustrating me how he won’t help around the house. I do all the cleaning and cooking, he expects me to make him coffee all day, do the shopping alone, do the school run. I’m 10 weeks but I’m absolutely shattered this time round. If I say i’m feeling tired or sore he ignores me. He hasn’t mentioned the pregnancy since we had a chat like 2 weeks ago and agreed to support each other. I rang my gp to get my booking appointment sorted and didn’t mention anything because it feels so awkward talking about the pregnancy when he’s acting like it’s not happening. He’s even been asking me to rub HIS back in bed a lot which I found odd.

I’m starting to feel like he dislikes the fact he should really be looking out for me a bit more and is trying to turn the attention onto himself. We’re very close with his family and he hasn’t even asked me about sharing the news. Again he acts like it’s not even happening. I feel overwhelmed, alone and upset.

Has anyone else had to deal with this strange behaviour? Should I just push past the awkwardness and talk to him about the pregnancy anyway? And am I reasonable for wanting maybe a little bit more help at the moment..

[GrazingSheep]

No you’re not unreasonable.
Unfortunately you’re in a relationship with a fucking arsehole.

[NoSquirrels]

If he’s currently unemployed, why do you do all the cooking and cleaning anyway, regardless of pregnancy? Do you work too?
Is he usually a helpful bloke (I’m betting not). Ten year age gap is quite a lot sometimes in attitude…

[HellToTheNope]

You're mad to have a baby with this useless man child. I would be booking a termination immediately. Who you see now is exactly who the father of this baby will be. Useless, uncaring, and an absolute cocklodger. Raise the bar.

[OakRowan]

So he took it badly at first, was ok for a week and now is back to not taking it very well? 10 weeks in it doesn't sound good, you already don't have a fair share of household responsibilities, he isn't working, that won't get better on its own, how are you going to manage? He doesn't sound like he's on your team, even before an unplanned pregnancy. Have you got a job? You have options.

[Viviennemary]

If he is unemployed its not surprising he is worried about this unplanned pregnancy. If you work then he should be doing most of the cleaning and cooking.

[Babdoc]

I second everything HellToTheNope said. What kind of selfish lazy shit sits around demanding coffee while his exhausted pregnant wife does all the chores? Bin him.

[Justcallmebebes]

He's just showing you who and what he is

[OakRowan]

Ah, I posted quite carefully, early, but I agree with the others above, he doesn't give a shit about you and your pregnancy, hand wringing about talking to him won't change that, what do you think you can say that will change his personality and your circumstances? I wouldn't continue an accidental pregnancy in these circumstances, you're daydreaming if you think he will change. Whose home is it, how will you support yourself and 2 children on your own?

[IsThePopeCatholic]

He’s a selfish, ignorant pig. I’m afraid he doesn’t give a shit about you.

[Clymene]

Are you operated go be a single parent to two kids? Because that's what you're going to be. He's showing you how displeased he is. He doesn't want the baby. But instead of having a grown up conversation, he's being an arsehole so you get the message. This relationship is over. He's a pig

[GrazingSheep]

Do yourself and your older child a favour and go your separate ways
Hopefully you’re not financially department on him

[HellToTheNope]

Think about what is best for your existing son, and it is not having a baby with a man like this. You will, once again, end up as a single mother, and financially you could really struggle. Don't do this to your child.

[Clymene]

And why would you want children with a lazy work shy cocklodger?

[Unanananana]

@Ionlydomassiveones

“I do all the cleaning and cooking, he expects me to make him coffee all day, do the shopping alone, do the school run.”

Why? Just why do women do this to themselves?

Indeed.

Stop doing everything for him. He isn't working, he can do his own fucking washing and coffee.

Do you work? What is your housing situation like?

I would also terminate. Why would you want a baby with someone like him? Lazy and jobless. No thanks.

[Roundeartheratchriatmas]

Why are you doing everything in the house ?

You realise it’s not “helping” you right ? It’s not actually your job to do it. You both live there it’s for you both to do.

[Goldbar]

What does he bring to your life? He doesn't contribute financially, he doesn't do anything around the house and he expects to be waited on.

What is your housing situation? In your shoes, I would kick him out and then make the decision as to whether I wanted to be a single mum to one or two children.

I'm sorry but it's not going to get any better .

[spacehardware]

Every single one of these relationships threads is basically a variant of "how do I convince this person who doesn't love or respect me to love and respect me?"

You can't. Stop trying.

[tss67]

If he's like this now what's he going to be like when you're 30+ weeks!! Sounds like a muppet

[spotcheck]

Why has he been unemployed for so long? When you have children you get a job- whatever you can however many he can to earn a living.
Please tell me you aren't 'helping' with supporting his child too?

I reckon his behaviour is to keep you ' in your place' so you can carry on being his meal ticket

[Mamamamamia]

Hes in shock. Possibly depressed.
You need to speak to him, discuss a plan of action going forward. If he needs to speak to a GP , then so be it.
Do you really want this pregnancy? It doesnt sound ideal timing ?

And yes, obviously stop running about after a man whos not working: get up and slap yourself in the face ,OP , come on....

Its not a good indicator of how helpful or caring he will be is it?
Although own DP was wonderful when i was pregnant and completely fucking useless at the other side ,so......?

[Fireflygal]

How long has he been out of work? Is he actively looking? Not sure how long you have been together but you're so young to be saddled with a man child.

[Lillygolightly]

I don’t know why he and his ex split but I would guess that he was one of those guys who resented the pregnancy and baby because it took the attention away from him.

My guess would be that he’s trying to get all the attention he can while he can and start setting the precedent that’s what he expects.

As you suspect he doesn’t want to acknowledge the pregnancy because if he does he has to acknowledge that he should be looking after and supporting you, but like the man child he is he doesn’t want to do that!

I wouldn’t be putting up with any of this OP!

[Ivegotalovelybunch]

Do not have a baby with this cock lodger

[Herejustforthisone]

So you’re working and still doing everything? He expects you to make him coffee when he’s doing fuck all? He won’t change. In fact, he’ll probably get worse.