Partner is pretending like I’m not pregnant and it is making me miserable

[Numallgoff]

I’m 25 and he is 10 years older than me, we have a son each from previous relationships and our family blends well. His son only stays for the summer and my son is away at weekends with his Dad. We wanted kids together but this baby wasn’t planned (contraceptive failure) and we were in shock. He didn’t react well at first but over the next week he came round and said we’d manage it. I understand he may not be thrilled as he is currently unemployed (job lost due to covid) and looking for work so is worried about money but it’s really frustrating me how he won’t help around the house. I do all the cleaning and cooking, he expects me to make him coffee all day, do the shopping alone, do the school run. I’m 10 weeks but I’m absolutely shattered this time round. If I say i’m feeling tired or sore he ignores me. He hasn’t mentioned the pregnancy since we had a chat like 2 weeks ago and agreed to support each other. I rang my gp to get my booking appointment sorted and didn’t mention anything because it feels so awkward talking about the pregnancy when he’s acting like it’s not happening. He’s even been asking me to rub HIS back in bed a lot which I found odd.

I’m starting to feel like he dislikes the fact he should really be looking out for me a bit more and is trying to turn the attention onto himself. We’re very close with his family and he hasn’t even asked me about sharing the news. Again he acts like it’s not even happening. I feel overwhelmed, alone and upset.

Has anyone else had to deal with this strange behaviour? Should I just push past the awkwardness and talk to him about the pregnancy anyway? And am I reasonable for wanting maybe a little bit more help at the moment..

Honestly, tell him to leave tomorrow. He's so fucking useless that he's made it easy for you. There is no downside.

• You'll have more money as you won't be supporting him financially. Are your benefits affected by having him live with you?
• You won't have a lazy manchild on the playstation the whole time in your house.
• You won't be expected to run after his lazy arse either.

Why are you allowing this waste of space to hang out in your son's home and set him such a poor example as to division of responsibilities/how women should be treated? How do you plan to teach your lovely DS to help with chores and pull his weight as he grows up when you have a grown man in the house doing literally bugger all?

I DESPAIR when I read these posts for women. Why ON EARTH do you do all the cooking and cleaning and domestic chores. Just why.

And it’s even worse that he’s not even bloody working.

Get yourself a part time job/finances sorted and sling this idiot out

He’s the ultimate cocklodger @Numallgoff

You’ve got whole life ahead of you, you could literally be my younger sister! As heartbreaking as it is, it’s obvious that if you keep this pregnancy, you’ll be a single mum of two…

Get rid of him asap.

I'm going to have to say it... how do you think you're going to support a child when neither of you work?

Does he live with you officially, does he contribute at all, or are you claiming as a single parent at the address you live at, that he has moved into while he claims for himself unemployed? You're both on benefits but do they know you live together?
You'd be better off without him, he is taking the piss, for so many reasons. Kick him out, don't let him get you into trouble. Think seriously about the quality of life for your existing child, their future, that's who counts the most and needs you.

Big age gap 🚩hardly sees his kid 🚩 you do all the cooking and cleaning 🚩🚩🚩🚩!!! This man doesn’t want a partner and he certainly doesn’t want a baby. He wants a mummy to look after him and a shag. Run.

Honestly, why are you still with him? If it's your house (thank goodness it is) then just boot him out.

If he's like this now, what's he going to be like when there's a baby to look after. He's shown you how much help he's going to be (ie none).

OMG he saw you coming, didn't he?

[quote Numallgoff]@VodselForDinner

He lived in the south of Ireland, and so did his ex. For 6 years he had his son every 2nd weekend and lived 10 mins away from him. We were about a year into our relationship when she decided to move to Essex to be with her new partner. My bf didn’t have the money to fly back and fourth constantly and due to covid it was also difficult so she agreed to let him have him the entire summer holidays but that is when my partner decided to move in with me (I let him truly believing he was a good father who was devastated and had a lot of bad luck at once) and obviously since then it’s like he had just given up and taken advantage of what I had to offer. sigh I should have suspected the fact he would go for someone my age rather than someone in their 30s.[/quote]
His poor child

His father is a £20 flight away and won’t make the effort.

OP, he’s a loser. Don’t saddle yourself and your child(ren) with him.

You’re 25, you need to aim for more in your life. Start working, get off benefits, get rid of this drain on your resources, give your son a good life.

I know it’s a very personal decision, but, in your shoes, I’d be seriously considering an abortion and staying single for a long, long time so you can focus on your son, and improving your life.

Yes unfortunately I do support his son coming over paying for flights etc and special occasions as I suppose I felt sorry for him as he was devastated when the ex moved country with the child

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo........

@HellToTheNope

You're mad to have a baby with this useless man child. I would be booking a termination immediately. Who you see now is exactly who the father of this baby will be. Useless, uncaring, and an absolute cocklodger. Raise the bar.

This. Sorry.

@Numallgoff he went for a woman 10 years younger than him because he thought he would have a compliant pretty housewife/slave. How long has he been unemployed? You say he’s picky… he can’t afford to be!

I can understand him being apprehensive of having another dc due to neither of you working and having enough money. However, that is no excuse for him to make you a slave. He’s living the high life - doesn’t have to work, doesn’t have to do housework, doesn’t have to pay bills.

Also, you live in N Ireland, not New Zealand, if he actually cared about his ds then he would fly to England! I can’t believe you’ve allowed this scrounger into your life, let alone got pregnant with him. Do you want to be a single mum to 2 dc? Because there’s a very high chance of that happening.

Well he spends most of it sleeping in while i’m away getting buses to drop my son to school and when i’m back he spends the rest of the time on the playstation playing games with his son

Isn’t his son at school all day though?
So there’s nothing stopping him cooking and cleaning.

You are not a maid. Of course he doesn’t want you to have a baby as that means you won’t do your job as effectively.

Get a termination and kick him out.

Awe hell no beaut. Feel bad for you..You're my older sister. But she's 36 now so was more secure in life choices. Dad #1 was always gaming leaving her to get up and do everything plus work full time with her first child. He started chatting to women on there to. It took time but in the end she got rid and moved out and got her own house.
Daddy to be num2 lives miles away. Although he does work and drives up. He just constantly moans at her, putting her down. Moaning he's tired while she has covid, is 8moons prego, has a 4yr old and more. Plus bcuz he's not there much he doesn't understand the whole the momma needs help part of pregnancy....

Guarantee that man is praying for a miscarriage. Should be looking for a job. Why is it ppl don't understand work gives you purpose and gives you energy. I wouldn't even trust leaving my new baba with him to look after.

You think he’s bad now? Wait until after your child is born as he will be a whole lot worse then. Sounds like you’re in a real mess here. I’d seriously be considering what I want from my future if I were you.

Raise your worth!

Read your post back and try and see just how ridiculous it is. So you both don't work now? And you want to have a baby with a man who only sees his child once a year? I really hope you make a good decision for the sake of your existing child.

For goodness sake OP, you have a child to support.
Why have you brought this lazy waster into your son's life.
Living off you.
You are a skivvy to him.
How are you going to support a new baby, on a bus, bringing your so to school?

How can you do tjis to the child you have?
You are a mother.
You owe your son better than this waster you have brought into his life.

Just awful.
The wise, sensible thing to to, would be get a termination and get this waster out of your home.

That's what a sensible mother would do.

You are being used.

@spacehardware

Every single one of these relationships threads is basically a variant of "how do I convince this person who doesn't love or respect me to love and respect me?"

You can't. Stop trying.

God, this. Times a million.

Sorry OP, in your shoes I wouldn't be booking a termination. I know that's not the right thing for everyone, but this guy will be a noose round your neck forever.

Should I just push past the awkwardness and talk to him about the pregnancy anyway?

Yes

And am I reasonable for wanting maybe a little bit more help at the moment.

No. Well he should be doing his share not "helping" you. His share should increase while you are pregnant.

Every penny you spend on him - or his son - is money you could have spent on your own child. Or yourself.

Every minute you spend doing something for this waster is a minute you could have spent resting. Or doing your nails. Or treating yourself to a coffee and a flick through a magazine.

Think about it, and re-arrange your priorities around yourself and your child.

@NameGoesHere I doubt very much it's the OPs property given she's unemployed, it will be rented so he has nothing to take from her in that respect because she has nothing to share

This relationship is doomed. You are going to be a single mum so you may as well cut your losses and dump him now so you can focus on you and your children.
No point being with a man who’s made it clear he’s not interested in being a dad, only sees his son in the summer? And does fuck all to help you and expects you to run round after him all day.
Nothing will change, so get out now.

The parasite is draining your time and money away from your son and setting a disgusting example of misogyny. His sole contribution has been semen. Get him out of your sons home, and deeply examine what on earth you’re doing.