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Original poster

Partner is pretending like I’m not pregnant and it is making me miserable

104 replies

Numallgoff · 31/03/2022 19:26

I’m 25 and he is 10 years older than me, we have a son each from previous relationships and our family blends well. His son only stays for the summer and my son is away at weekends with his Dad. We wanted kids together but this baby wasn’t planned (contraceptive failure) and we were in shock. He didn’t react well at first but over the next week he came round and said we’d manage it. I understand he may not be thrilled as he is currently unemployed (job lost due to covid) and looking for work so is worried about money but it’s really frustrating me how he won’t help around the house. I do all the cleaning and cooking, he expects me to make him coffee all day, do the shopping alone, do the school run. I’m 10 weeks but I’m absolutely shattered this time round. If I say i’m feeling tired or sore he ignores me. He hasn’t mentioned the pregnancy since we had a chat like 2 weeks ago and agreed to support each other. I rang my gp to get my booking appointment sorted and didn’t mention anything because it feels so awkward talking about the pregnancy when he’s acting like it’s not happening. He’s even been asking me to rub HIS back in bed a lot which I found odd.

I’m starting to feel like he dislikes the fact he should really be looking out for me a bit more and is trying to turn the attention onto himself. We’re very close with his family and he hasn’t even asked me about sharing the news. Again he acts like it’s not even happening. I feel overwhelmed, alone and upset.

Has anyone else had to deal with this strange behaviour? Should I just push past the awkwardness and talk to him about the pregnancy anyway? And am I reasonable for wanting maybe a little bit more help at the moment..

OP posts:
HeyItsPickleRick · 01/04/2022 06:09

Wow, just wow. You are being taken for such a ride. How is your life better with him around given he won't take any work just to get some money in, isn't helping round the house and also isn't giving any emotional support? So no emotional support, practical support and no financial support. You might as well buy a cardboard cut out of Jamie Dornan...he won't need feeding or bringing coffee.

On a side note we moved to NI from England and my ex (who pays maintenance, does your DP) splits the cost of all travel with me and sees DD every since school holiday. This set up is very odd!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 01/04/2022 06:39

I do all the cleaning and cooking, he expects me to make him coffee all day, do the shopping alone, do the school run

Well just STOP!

He sounds like an arsehole and you have some decisions to make. He won't help with the pregnancy and he won't help once child arrives.

Bananalanacake · 01/04/2022 06:40

How long were you together when he moved in, was it his idea. You can have a relationship without living together you know

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 01/04/2022 06:42

This is one of the worst relationship posts I have read bar those that involve violence.

You are his skivvy and you financially support him while he sleeps and plays video games!

End the relationship, please, for the love of your child. In your shoes I would also have a termination to have a clean break from this leeching loser but only you can make that decision.

spacehardware · 01/04/2022 06:53

Oh and just to add to those saying he's a shit dad to the kid he's already got - I agree. He's a shit dad to the kid he's already got. We live in England, my husbands ex lives in Scotland (she moved there when they split which was heartbreaking for him). He flies up one weekend a month, we have her here half the holidays, and obviously, he pays maintenance. Because that's being a parent.

Your useless lump is already showing you what kind of parent he is - why would you have a child with this man?

WTF475878237NC · 01/04/2022 07:05

It's worse with every update. I also would consider a termination because I don't think it's fair to bring a child into the world knowing this shit bloke will be its father.

Discodancinggiraffe · 01/04/2022 07:08

This man is a waste of space and you are better off without him. Why are you serving him coffee? He is a cocklodging leech. This man as no reason to change he's got a nice set up at your expense. Set your bar higher and get rid. If he really wanted a job then there are jobs around. My DH lost his job during covid. He is an educated man thats worked some very good jobs. But he really wanted to work so he found work. At the minute he is doing a menial job. It is not a job he enjoys but he wont be doing it forever. It is important to him to provide for his family. We could live off my wage but he is well aware of rising costs and is working overtime to give us extra saving. So he rolls his sleeves up and does a very physical job he well over qualified to do. Then he comes home exhausted and assists me with house chores. What is your DPs excuse to not do the same?

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 01/04/2022 07:30

I also say get shot of this lazy, selfish man. You have a kind heart and he has been taking advantage of you. Get him out ASAP.
Don't listen to any fake promises - he knows he's on to a good thing here and will say anything to keep it going.

Then you can decide what you want to do about this baby. I agree you should prioritise the welfare of the child you already have.

GlamorousHeifer · 01/04/2022 07:33

Pregnant, neither one of you working.....absolutely perfect relationship to bring a child into Hmm

RantyAunty · 01/04/2022 08:14

Send this cocklodging waste back to where he came from.

Think of all the money spent on this arse that could go to making you and your existing child's life better.

Money for training for a better job, a car, activities for your son, hobbies, holidays

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/04/2022 08:31

He’s a cocklodger who is a shit dad to his child and targeted you as a single mother deliberately to boot. These types think that the woman is so desperate for any male company that she’d put up with any old shit. He won’t let go of you, his meal ticket, that easily but you absolutely need to be rid of him.

spacehardware · 01/04/2022 08:53

"These types think that the woman is so desperate for any male company that she’d put up with any old shit."

Sadly this often seems to be true

twinsetandpearl · 01/04/2022 09:47

@GlamorousHeifer

Pregnant, neither one of you working.....absolutely perfect relationship to bring a child into Hmm

This

You need to get a job and get rid of this man

springtimeishereagain · 01/04/2022 10:33

Neither of you are working and you are living on benefits?? You should both get a job. Your 'partner' needs to be less picky, and just be employed again.

But I'd end it with him - what Doors he bring to your life? No money, no support, nothing. He's totally pointless and he's using you.

Aprilx · 01/04/2022 11:49

@Herejustforthisone

So you’re working and still doing everything? He expects you to make him coffee when he’s doing fuck all? He won’t change. In fact, he’ll probably get worse.
Where do you get that Op is working? I get that neither of them are working, which makes it an even less desirable situation to add another child too.
SLNewsweek · 01/04/2022 16:25

This reply has been deleted

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Fleur405 · 01/04/2022 17:39

I do all the cleaning and cooking, he expects me to make him coffee all day, do the shopping alone, do the school run.”

I wouldn’t put up with this even if I wasn’t pregnant…. It’s not 1950!

Agree with someone else who suggested he may be depressed but if so he needs to take steps to get help. To me a relationship should be a partnership where you both support each other not where one person runs around doing everything with no help.

TXmum3 · 02/04/2022 19:03

I'm surprised by all the harsh, divorce him or leave him comments. Everyone has the capability of being an asshole sometimes. This doesn't make them useless or an asshole all the time.

With that said. He does need to be given a talking to. Tell him how he's making you feel and call him out on how he is acting. Let him know if he doesn't want to help you, you'll inform family (his age yours) of the pregnancy so then maybe you'll get help from them if he won't. Refuse to rub his back, and tell him to make his own dang coffee. You are not being unreasonable, pregnancy is hard at all stages, but personally the first trimesters the worst because the feeling sick and tired constantly. Praying he hears you and does better.

Blossom64265 · 02/04/2022 19:13

Why didn’t he fight having his son move away? Living with a new partner might have been great for the mom, but the child has a right to regular access to both parents. Unless there is some backstory here, that tells you a lot about him on top of the fact he isn’t supporting you during this pregnancy

mathanxiety · 02/04/2022 19:16

It's time to kick him out. He's a parasite.

I'm betting he pays no child support for his own son and that the reason he and that son's mother split was exactly the reason you should bin him too.

mathanxiety · 02/04/2022 19:28

It's not harsh to advise someone to divorce or leave a man who contributes absolutely nothing but is actually a net taker of family resources, a drain on personal energy, a terrible example to a boy living in the home, and someone who shows no inclination whatsoever to change despite already having one failed relationship under his belt.

If you find yourself explaining to someone ten years older than yourself how to be an adult, you need to stop and wonder if maybe his parents should have done that a few decades ago, and ask yourself if he thinks you're his mammy.

Clymene · 02/04/2022 19:31

@TXmum3

I'm surprised by all the harsh, divorce him or leave him comments. Everyone has the capability of being an asshole sometimes. This doesn't make them useless or an asshole all the time.

With that said. He does need to be given a talking to. Tell him how he's making you feel and call him out on how he is acting. Let him know if he doesn't want to help you, you'll inform family (his age yours) of the pregnancy so then maybe you'll get help from them if he won't. Refuse to rub his back, and tell him to make his own dang coffee. You are not being unreasonable, pregnancy is hard at all stages, but personally the first trimesters the worst because the feeling sick and tired constantly. Praying he hears you and does better.

What are his plus points? Other than having a penis and fertility?
MrsTerryPratchett · 02/04/2022 19:37

I'm surprised by all the harsh, divorce him or leave him comments. Everyone has the capability of being an asshole sometimes. This doesn't make them useless or an asshole all the time.

Except this one is useless all the time.

DrSophia · 02/04/2022 19:39

If he gave a shit about his son he would take whatever job was there simply to raise money for the flights, maintenance etc.

If he gave a shit about you, he'd take whatever job was there to support you. He'd also pull his weight around the house.

This is a ludicrous situation. He is an utter waste of space.

Neongoddess · 02/04/2022 19:50

Lost his job due to covid?

How long ago?

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