Wasn’t sure where to post. I’m single and have begun to struggle massively the last few weeks. I can go days without seeing anyone other than the supermarket staff.
I broke up with my DP of 4 years in February. We were about to start ttc (has very early miscarriage) and he suddenly announced that I wasn’t right for him, huge criticism of me and I later realised he’d met someone at work. He’s now living with her and they’re having a baby in May.
So far this year I’ve plodded on, had one low moment where an ambulance was called when I nearly took my life. I’m ashamed of it. I’ve somehow managed to keep working, I work from home. Fuck knows how. Had some ok days and some laughs with friends.
But oh my fucking god I am not coping with Christmas. I feel distraught. People sharing homemade advent calendars they’ve made each other, families cosy in their decorated homes. I know I shouldn’t watch but without social media it’s even more isolating at the moment and that doesn’t change the direct messages I get in text or WhatsApp of people sending me these things. It’s also depicted in every advert, in every shop, in songs on the radio. Our street had a light up evening last Friday night and everyone was supposed to come to their doors and cheer. I couldn’t face it. I am struggling. I’m in therapy but no amount of therapy is going to remove this horrible pain. I don’t know if I can face this year alone. All I’ve ever wanted is a home with a family and I’m too old now. Family alone is not an option for me. How many years with I have to do this. I’m afraid and sad.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Feeling punched in the stomach about Christmas
Lettersjy · 01/12/2020 09:34
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