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Does anyone else fanaticise about partner leaving?

(74 Posts)
Blearyandweary Mon 11-Dec-17 07:56:07

I go through phases when I am just fed up of doing so much more than DH and day dream about how much easier life would be if I was single.

We have 2 DCs and have been together a long time, I'm not going to leave but I can't help but quietly wonder if I wouldn't be happier on my own.

My house would be decorated to my tastes, I could spend money as I wished. I am not sure how much extra work it would be as I seem to carry lions share of it anyway.

Anyone else get this?

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis Mon 11-Dec-17 08:21:29

I do! I have a baby and a toddler and I often daydream about how different life would/could be and whether it would be better and I would be happier. I do it a lot! I imagine what my home would look like, what I would do with my spare time (I would want 50/50 custody he's not getting off that easily smile ) For me it's because DP is so bloody untidy he creates more mess than he helps clear up, he really is awful. He's also terrible with money, it's an ongoing battle and I've told him repeatedly his attitude towards money is immature and he needs to grow up. He still handles money like a single 18 year old with no responsibilities/bills etc and often says bills 'will just have to wait'. He has racked up debt but has no interest in paying it off because he has 'nothing' to show for it. Aaaaaaaargh! I have to lean on him every month to make payments. Problem is he is a really loving, kind hearted and faithful man which is what keeps me here!

Blearyandweary Mon 11-Dec-17 08:29:03

I can really empathise namechange, my DH is fundamentally a good man, but just fairly tough to live with at times. As years have progressed, I've become the higher earner, and can't help feeling that I'm carrying him these days as he does not have any incentive to work harder.

I am sure the reality of being a single parent would be much tougher than I realise, but sometimes it's just the little things..he never makes the bed...it drives me bananas!!

Greedynan Mon 11-Dec-17 08:52:30

I do!!!

Annelind Mon 11-Dec-17 09:25:27

It seems a lot of men see their DW/DP as 'mummy', especially once DC arrive, vying for attention. If mummy looks after the baby, she can look after them as well!

GottadoitGottadoit Mon 11-Dec-17 12:04:41

I used to. When I left it was even better than I had imagined grin

Olicity17 Mon 11-Dec-17 12:14:31

I did. And i left. Dont regret it for a minute

Cricrichan Mon 11-Dec-17 12:31:49

I was a single parent for a while and it was so easy. I still had to do everything except I didn't resent that there was another capable adult in the house that didn't pull his weight. I also didn't have to worry about him spending more money than we earned so didn't flinch whenever another letter was posted through the door. I've never received a penny from him and he barely had him but it was a lot easier.

Now I want to go back to being a single mum again but for other reasons. Jealousy, lack of trust, sexism, hypocrisy. So much better when he's away.

Allthechocolate Mon 11-Dec-17 13:20:32

Yes! I haven't had the courage to post anything on MN until now, but this resonates with me so much. I could have written IveHadToNameChangeForThis's post. DH is in the trades and self employed. I don't think he's knowingly tidied an item up in his life. The best I can do is to pile his stuff into corners, and he'll blame me for not being able to find something a year later because I didn't leave it in the middle of the floor where it landed (he tells my parents that I have no idea how much I've lost out over the years through me losing his stuff for him). I have a collection of confiscated Stanley knives I've picked up off the floor and hidden. My house is a wreck of unfinished "improvements" which have been like that for over a decade. Every time I walk into my house, any feeling I had for him dies a little. But... he loves us. Can I really kick him out for being a slob?

So he stays. But I've had dreams where I attended his funeral then ordered a skip and oldest DS helped me clear out years of accumulated junk. They weren't nightmares.

GottadoitGottadoit Mon 11-Dec-17 18:12:28

I am sick and tired of men who think that loving me means that I should reward them with a relationship!

Annelind Mon 11-Dec-17 18:15:24

I am sick and tired of men who think that loving me means that I should reward them with a relationship!

Oh me too. The nerve!

lanbro Mon 11-Dec-17 18:23:51

I used to, I left. The reality is just as good as the fantasy!

ohcecelia Mon 11-Dec-17 18:27:26

I do at the moment. I keep having visions of me taking DD to the park, laughing and playing with her as a confident woman, rather than stuck in all the time feeling so dragged down. Sick of the lack of respect, sick of feeling like I have two children to look after instead of one. Just sick of it all at the moment.

wellthatsjustgreat Mon 11-Dec-17 18:31:00

Allthechocolate are you me in disguise? Your OH & home life sounds identical to mine shock

Blearyandweary Mon 11-Dec-17 19:17:36

I genuinely can't decide if it makes me feel better or worse to hear of others in the same boat.

If my 20 something self could see me now she would be very confused, I am so much more confident than I was then, have achieved well in my career and have no hang ups about my looks, yet put up with so much low level crap...day in day out...that I would never have tolerated in my younger days.

Allthechocolate Mon 11-Dec-17 19:24:51

Wellthat'sjustgreat well, I've said for years that to be as good at everything as he says he is and to bring so little money in he's either a terrible businessman or has a second family somewhere else. If we meet at his funeral, we'll know for sure.

colouringinagain Mon 11-Dec-17 19:31:03

Dh and I are separated. I work 4 days per week with 2 dc. It's still better smile

May50 Mon 11-Dec-17 19:41:17

Blearyandweary - I was the same, put up with a very lazy , financially irresponsible partner- he was a ‘lovely’ character , so laid back, but over time I lost respect. He now wafts in and out to see DC, never pays a penny maintenance but thinks he’s a wonderful father as he’s lovely and cuddly.
He’s just found himself a new girlfriend who has been taken in as I was and has just treated him to a trip to Paris! Grr. Whilst I’m slogging my guts out and supporting our DC. I don’t miss him, but feel irritated that he’s now living the life of Riley with no responsibilities. I can’t see me ever meeting anyone else.

blindmelons Mon 11-Dec-17 19:52:51

I have these fantasies. I know I wouldn't really want it but mine is to do with spending money on my tastes instead of always having to compromise. The art on the walls, the rugs, shallow stuff like that. He is tidy and does his share so not enough to kick him out, just to have the stuff I like in the house, we have such opposite tastes!

Killdora Mon 11-Dec-17 19:59:14

I knew I had to leave ex dp when I realised I had started wondering what it would be like if he got hit by a car while he was out...and not disliking the idea.

Looking back I can see the resentment had built up over years of his drinking and low level verbal abuse.

But it was genuinely terrifying that I had seemingly sleep walked into a place where I was almost wishing a human being dead - just so I couldn’t be blamed for breaking up a family or having to deal with his mind games during a split.

I’m not proud of it but I can see now that it was my own mind telling me something was seriously wrong.

Auntpetunia2015 Mon 11-Dec-17 19:59:50

I did for years, and then I instigated a separation and divorce. Best thing I ever did. And life is so much better. I always did all the House stuff now I don’t have to discuss it just get on with it.

Badhairday1001 Mon 11-Dec-17 20:21:42

I felt like this. We split up and I love my new life! I don't think that I will ever live with anybody again. I actually have more time to myself now despite being a single parent to 3 children and working full time. He now has to spend time alone with the kids which never used to happen.

andadietcoke Mon 11-Dec-17 20:24:02

Me. I went through his phone yesterday and was quite upset when I didn't find anything remotely incriminating. Wouldn't be my fault then, would it?

burgen Mon 11-Dec-17 20:44:12

Yep. And same as killdora I have wished he would die in an accident so it wasn't my fault and I won't get crap during a breakup. I'm still trying to figure a way out. Getting there though

undercoveragent Mon 11-Dec-17 20:47:14

Me too. So many of your posts resonate. I just need to pluck up some courage from somewhere.

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