Does anyone else fanaticise about partner leaving?

[Blearyandweary]

I go through phases when I am just fed up of doing so much more than DH and day dream about how much easier life would be if I was single.

We have 2 DCs and have been together a long time, I'm not going to leave but I can't help but quietly wonder if I wouldn't be happier on my own.

My house would be decorated to my tastes, I could spend money as I wished. I am not sure how much extra work it would be as I seem to carry lions share of it anyway.

Anyone else get this?

[ladybug92]

I feel the same at times. I just want to be me and my beautiful DD. My husband has been going through depression and job uncertainty for a LONG time and I am just so tired of it. I just want to be happy but he and his mood bring me down :(

[ohcecelia]

Ladybug - we sound like the same person. When he's unhappy (usually with work) I'm on the brunt end of hearing all about it. When he's happy he barely says a word to me and sits on his phone to his mates instead. He only talks to me when he wants to complain about something.

[misscph1973]

It's not a good sign ;) I had these fantasies and enjoyed it far too much when DH was away.

I am wondering if it's an age thing, I am 44, and I am so past living with a man. We are divorcing, and I am pretty sure that the younger me would never have done this, the younger me just got on with it.

[TDHManchester]

Make your dream come true this Christmas ! Tell your partner.

With any luck he will have the same dream..

[BertieBotts]

:(

I used to feel like this with my ex. I was the one to leave in the end.

I never have these feelings now I'm with DH.

Life is too short for feeling like this, honestly. Being single is WAY better than being in a crap relationship even when you have DC.

Good luck all of you - I hope you find that spark of courage. Best thing I did.

[MeMeMeMe123]

I did daydream, yes...in between panic attacks and huge arguments with him.

Actually glad I clicked on this thread as it's reminded me to be grateful for my (relative) solitude.

No more panic attacks, no more IBS flare-ups, no more anti-depressants...just finished some counselling, too.

Yes its financially tough and uncertain, but no more so than most folk...am young enough to start again and am determined to get there AND enjoy the journey at the same time

[Rudgie47]

Just dont let it get to the stage where you wish they were dead. Thats what happened to my friend, she just said it would be so much easier if he would just die.

[GsbMaxi]

Yes, all the time. And in the midst of trying to figure out how to leave!

[Justaboy]

ohcecelia Perfectly understandable that!

The world and cake co so traded him in for a new model;?

It would be intresting a to have a full survey of those who are happlily married and these who are not .

Just FWIW is single mid sixties divorced but would still like a lovely lady to love make her feel good and enjoy stuff together:-)

Bit too busy right now runninig the new company which is all damanding;!

[Blearyandweary]

Denperry that would be my ideal life too. You sum up my feelings perfectly in regards of living at the mercy of a mans grumpiness!!

[DrMumMum]

Oh this totally resonates with me. I always thought I was the only one, I feel a bit better now knowing that it's not so unusual.

[WinchestersInATardis]

Me too. It was a relief when the relationship ended. Having my own space is living the dream. There are a few down sides to being a single parent - mostly financial for me but I'd never give it up. I'm planning on never living with another man. Having my own space is totally worth it.

[Karigan1]

This is how I felt when married. We split up and now I actually have more time as he has contact days where he has to look after our son and I get to do things for me :-)

Funny how things work isn't it

[Karigan1]

Also now been with DP for 3 years and never felt like this. In fact never even got close as he actually helps before I ask and pre-empts if I've had a long day that I can't do it all. often I get home to find a cup of tea on the side, dinner cooking, animals seen to and all I have to do is go and tuck my son up in bed.

[Giraffey1]

On the one hand, it’s good to know I’m not alone, but on the other, how sad that so many relationships come to this. Lying in bed dreaming about what life would be like without my H was the only thing that kept me sane for a while. I would think about being in my own place without any of his clutter and mess strewn around the house. A place where I could relax and be me and not have to tiptoe around his feelings any more. Somewhere that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to invite friends back to, a relatively clean and tidy home without piles of washing up in the sink. Etc etc.

I was a coward though, and couldn’t man up enough to tell him. I used to wish he’d find someone else or yes, had a terrible accident (though conversely, I didn’t want him to die) just so the hard work of leaving would be done for me.

Eventually, during a big row when he was effectively telling me he didn’t value my views and input (‘x friend listens to me, she understands me’ he complained) I told him I’d had enough and wanted to separate.

It was a horrible time but I don’t actually regret that we are splitting up. We still live under the same roof but are selling up in the new year, and I still daydream every night about the new life that is waiting for me.

I hope everyone who needs to can find the courage I failed to muster and unlock the exit door!

[Littlechocola]

I used to. It went on for 12 years before I realised that only I could make my fantasy a reality. I left him.

[Mooncuplanding]

I used to have the car crash fantasy about ex-h

7 years on I work ft and have 2 dc and am really happy. I have a bf of 4 years who I don't live with and am very much in love with

I totally agree with pp about the sense of wellbeing you get once you are out of these relationships and it is definitely much better being alone.

However, it's not ALL perfect. New situations bring new problems. I don't think they come anywhere near what they were previously but there are things like....

Sundays. Everyone is in a couple pretty much wherever you go

DIY. I do go on YouTube and learn how to do stuff but....yawn and...effort

I actually can't think of any more....so yes it's pretty bearable

[MessyBun247]

Glad I found this thread. Been with DP nearly 6 years. We have a DD who is almost 2, I also have DD aged 12 from previous relationship. I haven’t been happy with DP for a long time, we don’t love each other, don’t make each other happy, he just drags me down. However, he isn’t some kind of violent bully (he does have a nasty streak though), he does have good qualities and it’s hard to pluck up the courage to walk away.

But I deserve to be happy, and my DDs are watching me. I need to show them that they don’t have to stay with people who aren’t right for them.

I had started fantasising about him hitting me or cheating on me, as then I would have a ‘legitimate’ excuse to leave. Also fantasised about him dying, and the thought of it didn’t make me sad at all.

So at Halloween I reached breaking point and told him it wasn’t working. He swings between being OK to being nasty and trying to guilt trip me into staying. He’s blaming everything on me.

The ironic thing is that a few days after I told him it was over, I looked at his phone (first time I had ever done it) and found that he had signed up to a sex hook up website. I still haven’t told him that I saw it. So it just confirmed to me that I was doing the right thing.

An estate agent is valuing our house on Friday and it will be going up for sale in the New Year. We will be telling our families after Xmas. I know it’s going to be hard, living with him until the house is sold. But now my fantasy is slowly becoming reality. I will have my own home, decorated my way, me and DDs will have lovely happy times without worrying about anyone’s moods. I grew up with a tense atmosphere between my parents and I’m determined not to repeat that.

I hope everyone on here finds the courage to start making plans to leave. Life is too short to be anything but happy

[Templeofdoom1974]

Yep. Here too.

[Frith1975]

I’ve been a single parent for just short of 13 years - it’s great! I’ve almost forgotten what it was like to be married.

The main difference I noticed was how much time I suddenly had - not having to think about/talk to/do stuff for/mollify such a twat.

The evenings were the best, sitting in peace watching television with money/the house/our lives running smoothly.

[PurpleWithRed]

I fantasised for years. To the extent that I found myself fantasising about car crashes in which one of us died, and I didn't care which. It took me 5 more years to leave and I made a mess of that.

And when I did leave he was astonished - he had NO idea how miserable I'd been for all those years.

So my advice would be
a) make sure he knows how unhappy you are and that you are considering ending the marriage - don't be a martyr, don't keep giving way inch by inch, don't keep hoping he will change by himself. Give him a chance to redeem himself.
b) if you've done that and he chooses to carry on as he is then get up and go. The kids won't thank you for sacrificing yourself for them, if that's what you're thinking. You will be happier and it will be fine.
c) don't have an affair

[Tisfortired]

Yes! I even did thorough budgets of my income and look at potential flats in the area for me and DS and ponder if I could afford it.

My house would be wonderful, clean and tidy - a fridge full of food I like, films and programmes on TV I like. He would take DS every other weekend and I could go and see my friends in London, or just slob around the house, or go to the pub...

On the other hand, DP isn't THAT bad, he's a wonderful man and I love him very much. He's a great dad, sensible with money and pulls his weight, I think sometimes I just miss my freedom.