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dating 83

(1000 Posts)
jesy Sun 16-Nov-14 11:58:29

Can I start us ???'

jesy Sun 16-Nov-14 12:06:27


It to late for kids I know that I no the reality.
I've let my health go, and developed a condition , although many people would say Mr IT was no good for me he was, he helped me with my food issues and got me getting fit

Think I'm a bit down as Mr V lost interest I think ,
And my one ex is thinking of weddings plus sussed out I was a bit on the side with him at one point feel used. But as no mates I still stay friends.
I'm stupid fat and ugly that all I see todsy

minmooch Sun 16-Nov-14 12:27:33

Morning Jesy.

Seems to be a few fathers down in the dumps. Come on girls and boys we've got to keep the faith.

Most of us go for the same type - but if we are going for the same type each time and each time the relationship breaks down in a cold/angry way we must try and change what we are doing. Relationships don't always last, we are not always right for each other but these should be relatively short and end relatively nicely I feel. I have a few ex's that I am really find of, had a great time with, right for that time in my life but not right long term. Initial sadness at end of relationship but find memories and good friends should I bump into them now and again.

The two men I married were different, first exH is a good friend now but we have both patented well together despite our differences, respect and friendship has grown but that also was precipitated by caring for a terminally ill child. He was not a great husband when we were married though.

Second husband turned out to be a Lilly livered coward of the highest order, selfish and nasty when my child was ill. I will never forgive or forget.

Both marriages were talked about and planned very quickly. Both married within a year. Each time I fell in love with the idea of being married and met men at the same point in their lives. What is the old adage - marry in haste, repent at leisure. Now I have to learn my lesson. Do not get involved too quick because I seem to miss out on the really getting to know their personality until I'm married and it's too late!

We need to be honest with ourselves. Looking back my summer brief fling with MrSA was me being desperate to fill my time whilst my son was away, prove that I could 'find' someone/anyone and then project my future too quickly. That was not fair on either of us. Funnily enough I bumped into him the other day, had a quick coffee and a chat. It was nice and no hard feelings because I can see now that I was not in the right place.

Now MrActor and I are going at a very slooooow pace. Never done this before. Never been so relaxed with someone, been just myself, take me as I am. At the moment this is good for me. I am getting to know him, and him me. I don't feel any angst, we never feel the need to make a date to get together. It may never go beyond our current 'friendship with possibilities' but there is 'something' between us. Maybe My circumstances (bereaved parent) make me not want to rush in and then get hurt and he is possibly taking time as he knows this (it is also possible that he doesn't really want a relationship but just friendship). Whatever the reasons slow is good and a change for me. This will turn into something special or it won't if it's not meant to be.

Lost the thread of what I was trying to say but I think it is along the lines of we need to be honest with ourselves, look at the type of men we are dating, are they really right or are we playing to our norm and it's going to be another disaster? OLD is a funny old way if meeting people as you are thrown into the possible relationship from first connection, rather than getting to know someone and knowing there is a possibility there.

minmooch Sun 16-Nov-14 12:28:26

Fathers should have read daters! Need to preview my posts.

minmooch Sun 16-Nov-14 12:33:25

Jesy sorry you are feeling miserable this morning. You need to do something today that makes you feel good about yourself - a lovely walk with your dog, a coffee in a nice cafe at the end, treat yourself to a long soak in the bath with a glass of wine? Doesn't have to cost anything but be kind to yourself.

jesy Sun 16-Nov-14 12:46:26


Great idea but about a pound to name at the moment. Plus I have both dogs today n can't handle both ,just go I g to watch my fav film

Bant Sun 16-Nov-14 13:12:53

The Rules:

1. The first rule of the Dating Thread is, you do not talk about the Dating Thread (with people you're dating)
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun, stop
9. Loo update is mandatory
10. No dating the Thread

mariposaazul Sun 16-Nov-14 14:32:27

As well as you making 10 problematic bant grin not sure we've seen you upholding 9?

gottafindaman4yagirl Sun 16-Nov-14 14:57:17

I got my arse of sofa, went for a walk and then baked cookies for kids when they get back.
Thanks BantFor rules recap, I think i need to look at myself. Its possible i am getting nervous about being hurt again and sabotaging things.
Jesy I know it can be hard to feel optimistic and life can throw a lot of crap our way. Do you have anyone close who can give you another prospective on the way you think. I tut to my mum who gives me the truth.

MysteryMan1 Sun 16-Nov-14 15:00:17

Well I had he date with Ms Quiet on Friday. Ended up a little odd as we decided to not continue dating but did end up sleeping together blush. Will see what happens next....

Arrowminta Sun 16-Nov-14 15:21:26

How do you feel about her now MysteryMan1?

jesy Sun 16-Nov-14 15:24:59

My mum don't k ow what happened to start this depression.
I did nothing wrong but give some one the chance to do what they wanted and not dictated to by the government and I'd do same again but this is what set this off its not just the dating .
May have a chance of a new start this week but I keep thinking one of her colleagues will inform her and she will ruin it for me.
Like she did with my dream job 18months ago .

MysteryMan1 Sun 16-Nov-14 16:08:18

Arrow, not sure people are interested in the details but I was open and honest with her. We did have a nice evening but told her that I didn't see a future etc. This led to a lot of deep conversation, culminating with her spending the night and most of the weekend.

We are not dating that's for sure and not sure if I will see her again so class myself as officially single!

Rioux Sun 16-Nov-14 16:36:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MysteryMan1 Sun 16-Nov-14 16:43:59

Rioux, yep was an odd situation and no one got hurt etc but at the time it didn't seem odd at all which probably means it is ok...!

minmooch Sun 16-Nov-14 16:48:11

Rioux Rule no 9. If you are on a date you have to find time to go the loo and update us all on how it is going!

Rioux Sun 16-Nov-14 16:54:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wrapdress Sun 16-Nov-14 16:54:25

I hid my Match profile for the holidays. Or maybe that's just an excuse not to date. Spoke to my doctor about what it will be like to have sex after over 2 decades of celibacy. She says it will hurt like hell - LOL. Lots of lube, she said. Made me laugh.

jesy Sun 16-Nov-14 17:46:27


I do t eat that my issue and have this vomiting thing when I'm anxious so I'm on a loss situation but still chubby maybe I'm just having a crap day

mariposaazul Sun 16-Nov-14 19:20:53

Mystery are you sure you read that right & it's not that she hoped you would see it differently if you slept together? It does seem quite coupley to then spend w/end together....

MysteryMan1 Sun 16-Nov-14 20:06:48

Mari-no, definitely not. I won't go into details as it maybe a bit OTT but we basically split up then slept together and she stayed over for most of the weekend. We are not going out, no one got hurt and whilst it was a fun weekend, it probably won't be going further...

Rioux-nope, I won't be deleting her number just yet. Don't know when it may come in handy...;))

minmooch Sun 16-Nov-14 20:13:08

I'm probably being over sensitive but that last sentence MysteryMan sounds rather hateful - as if you are going to keep her as your booty call.

happyandsingle Sun 16-Nov-14 20:47:50

Mystery man your sounding like a twat. Don't get your ego to big she may of thought the sex was crap and won't be hanging on to be your booty call......just a thought.

Arrowminta Sun 16-Nov-14 20:58:29

Mystery, it's one of two things either

She thought she might get you to see her in a different light or

She thought she might as well go for it as you won't see each other again.

I think I would have been off like a shot, unless I was drunk and stranded at your place.

SelfLoathing Sun 16-Nov-14 21:02:09

Mysteryman are you sure she wasn't doing that (generally female) thing of pretending to be cool in the hope that she would seduce you with her brilliance in bed into seeing the error of your ways and wanting a relationship?

Sounds a bit unlikely to be me that a woman who was looking for a relationship would be "sure that's OK" about a statement there was none on the cards, then sleep with you AND spend all weekend together.

I bet she'll wake up on Monday with a very different expectation. She'll be all "I know what he said but look what he did - we had a perfect weekend".

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