dating 83

[jesy]

Can I start us ???'

Wait a fucking minute... they might have agreed this! If she was lying about being ok with it, then more fool her!

I have a problem with a woman I am dating. I live in the city centre, she obviously knows this but every time she's in the city she will call or text me (which is fine), seeing if I will come and meet her. She then gets upset if I say no to meeting.
We have been dating about 3 months, not exclusively at this point.
Maybe we have had 7 or 8 dates up till now

I was wondering if anyone new how to broach my concerns about her sulking?

Why are you saying no to meeting her?

If you like someone, you normally want to see them!

If you have good reasons for not meeting her - like work commitments, that's one thing. But if you it's just you don't fancy it and would rather see your mates/other women, that's not a good sign and it may be kinder to stop seeing her.

If she likes you, it's pretty understandable that she's upset that you are in her neck of the woods and brush her off if she wants to meet up. By her behaviour (wanting to see you), she's saying she likes you and wants to spend time with you. By your behaviour (not wanting to see her), you are communicating to her you are just not that bothered - which is hurtful if you feel differently.

If she was lying about being ok with it, then more fool her!

Dolly I agree but if a man in that situation takes of advantage of a woman behaving like that (when it's blinding obvious - not saying it is here btw mystery) then that's not a kind thing to do.

I also think that irrespective of whether she's lying, it's not really very kind to spend a whole weekend with someone if you have just told them you aren't interested in a relationship. It's behaviour that is sending very mixed messages.

It is, but women are not poor little flowers that need protecting all the time either. I just don't like the attitude that he has 'taken advantage' of the poor maiden, women can enjoy sex for it's own sake as well can't they?

I agree with you and I don't for a minute think this is a taken advantage of situation.

I was just making the point that there is a possibility that the woman in mysteryman's situation may not be quite on the same page he is on - even if she says she is.

It shocks me how many men do not consider they are exclusive with someone even after 3-4 months of dating.
Just sounds like them wanting the best of both worlds. If I am dating someone for that amount of time I would expect us to be exclusive without even needing the talk.

happyandsingle -well you might assume that, but until you've actually discussed it, it's just an assumption.

Please don't accuse other posters of sounding like a twat, by the way. It sounds like a personal attack, and that's frowned upon.

King - do you want to be exclusive? Do you not? It sounds like it's time to let her know what you think - different people have different perspectives.

mystery - she may have been doing the 'he may have said he's not interested but I'll seduce him with my feminine wiles' thing or she may have just wanted a shag. From spending the whole weekend together though it sounds like you actually liked being with her. Could she be a grower? What did she say about it?

Cheers for replies.
I don't just give her a straight 'no', I'm sometimes busy or I'm just wanting to relax. I just feel that because I live in town she expects me to drop everything and meet her. Even though there is no prewarning to her being in town. She gets upset by this. I do at other times meet her spontaneously.
We are not exclusive, we have discussed this but both feel open to see how it goes. I'm guessing we have spent less than 100 hours together cumulatively, so I'm happy with getting to know each other slowly.
I suppose what is annoying that her actions are not in line with what she is saying in terms of wanting to be casual and let something happen organically.
The other thing is expecting me to meet her in town, with out any warning, and then sulking if I don't. I wouldn't mind if she buzzed my apartment and came over with out warning as much.
It's like me always calling her with out notice, ask her to meet 4 streets away. Sometimes I've just settled down and want to chill on my own.

Yes I'm 32.

King - I think she's being unreasonable, insecure and manipulative. I would just tell her when you are at work, you are at work and you can't just drop everything when she happens to be in town. I know very few people who have that kind of flexibility with their employers anyway.

King for me 7-8 dates in I would know if I wanted to give the relationship a good shot. I would hope the other person felt the same. Are you sleeping together? If yes I would want to have the chat and exclusivity. If not at that stage yet and you have talked openly about dating others then she is daft to be sulky. Perhaps she feels more strongly than you. Time for another chat? It sounds to me that you are not that really into her so be truthful.

With regards Mystery I don't feel he has necessarily taken advantage of this woman. They had the chat, she decided to stay etc. it was the final sentence and that annoying wink that suggests he may take advantage of her in the future 'when the need arises'. It sounds to me extremely disrespectful and the type if game playing we all dislike.

But if she's up for it, so what? It strikes me that if that had been a woman saying that about a fwb situation with a man, everyone would have been all 'you go girl'

I could have this all wrong of course- MM could have promised her the world and then just shagged her and broke her heart - but there is a bit of judgement going on here that gets my goat.

I am quickly realising that I can't just type a message on this site-every word will be analysed then analysed again and conclusions drawn, be they right or wrong.

I didn't want to go into detail for that very reason but to give more colour, she came around on Friday. We had dinner etc. I told her that I did not think we had a future. And yes, this was said sympathetically etc.

There was no discomfort but we did start talking about previous relationships. Turns out she had been with one guy for about 6 years who was not sexually adventurous. He didn't like doing what I would class as "the basics".

Anyway, we had a very detailed discussion leading to a weekend of sex. Just sex. Yes, we both lived out some dirty fantasies. There is no relationship and she knows and is happy with that.

I may be her "booty call" in the future. On the other hand I may not. And vice versa. I saw it for what it was and wasn't and so did she.

I maybe flamed for something though not sure what just yet....

With the details above that sounds more balanced and enjoyable for you both. No more questioning your intent from me

Rioux

Think all this Xmas stuff getting to me as well every advert is for what a wonderful time ppl having. Or starving ppl or pets .
I'm not starving or anything like that , but I try to only eat once a day as I know family not well off .

On dating front nothing but a nice man from home messaged me for about five hours last night and possible potential x

I'm used to it sorry really tearful today again x

Rioux - ignore. I'm now friends with my first ex h but would not mention our wedding anniversary. I would find it uncomfortable for his partner.

I'm feeling really uneasy about Kent Lad (whom I saw on Friday). I think everything he says, he's 'gun shy' etc are potential warning flags but we seem to have this magnetic attraction and he wants a relationship, at least he says he does...

The Jamie Theakston lookalike I'm just not sure whether I'm there because he can't be bothered otherwise - he did say he was manic with work and also with his 2 year old DD that he doesn't live with.

I'm just feeling jaded, a bit like jesy and also at 43 past it for everything like kids etc, but at least you have DC jesy...

Super

I don't have kids x

jesy why on earth did I think you did have kids?! apologies!

anyway DC as most of the mums here will tell you aren't the be all and end all!

Hey super don't worry , despite being hopeless taking the pill it never happened.

I guess a psychologist would say never got over parents splitting up as that when I started to want a baby the sa.e year lol

I loved being a sorta step mum and I miss her

jesy Xmas thing really pissing me off to, I used to love it but thought of spending on my own again makes me very sad.
No dates lined up for me, was potentially going to meet up with someone and he was supposed to call me Saturday morning but didn't not that bothered, if can't be assed to call me not a good start.Just wish I could see some new faces on POF and Match. Think I might give it a rest, just started AD's and feel a bit weird