Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

Does anyone remember the little nuggets if totally ridiculous advice they’d give you in teen magazines?

I used to be an avid reader of Shout! magazine. The main goal of these magazines seemed to be being popular and having boys notice you obviously, and were filled with totally mad tips on how to achieve these things and not be a ‘geek’ who wasn’t interested. Which is totally inappropriate advice these days, happily.

I remember one was ‘if you are invited to a party, arrive late and leave early! You are a social butterfly who has had to squeeze the party in between other engagements’

Happily I HAD been invited to a party in my local pub function room that very weekend! I spent a long time applying glitter hair mascara to my fringe to make it clump together attractively (why) and I think I even had on one of those fetching skirt with trousers combos with a vest top from Tammy girl. I got my dad to drive round the block a bit so I could try to be late, but it didn’t take very long and I think I turned up at ten minutes after the start time. I had a few dances to All Saints and Steps and drank a couple of cans of Coke and an hour before it was due to finish, I did a big show of having to rush off.

Now, we lived in a very small town. There was NO WAY any other parties were happening on the same night. But desperately trying to stick to my social butterfly narrative I said goodbye and off I went.

I sat round the corner in the bus shelter until it was time to get picked up. While everyone else was having a nice time at the party

What a knob! When I got to school on the Monday everyone was saying it was rude to leave the party early and I felt like such an idiot.

Can anyone remember any more of the ridiculous things they used to spout in these magazines? I’d love to get my hands one now as I think it would be hilarious

[Dozer]

Love your story, OP!

I remember one article in the late 90s that had a RL teen and critiqued her face/physique and gave style and make up tips ‘so he’ll notice your smile, not your pear shape’!

The same mag recommended a pale pink / brown eyeshadow colour combo as ‘romantic’, I attempted that a lot for a while.

[Wondermule]

Yes I remember 😂😂 my Saturday morning consisted of a trip to the shop with £5 for Mizz, Shout, a Mars bar and whatever my mum asked me to pick up.

The ‘CRINGE’ page usually consisted of readers accidentally showing people their sanitary towels, or sneezing while walking past their ‘crush’ in the street.

You’re right, they were just manuals on how to get boys to notice you! (With a free clear lip gloss of course)

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

Yes!! The awful cringe pages! As if the boy you fancied seeing you had tampons in your bag meant you should run away to a nunnery and never be seen in public again!!

I did like the clear lipgloss though.

[StudentProblems]

The clear lipgloss was the best bit

[BrumBoo]

Oh yes, my mother used to buy me Shout and Mizz in a desperate attempt to make me 'girl' better. My face was usually reading them, though I did enjoy the 'glitter hair mascara' stage. I can even remember the smell of the stuff, like varnish mixed with petrol. Probably just as flammable .

[MidSummersNightmare]

I was a teenager in the 90s. One particular article I remember was about how to look good when sunbathing on the beach. Their top tip was to dig a recess in the sand to put your bum and thighs in so the fat doesn’t get squashed out to the sides and therefore you look thinner.

[FlippinNoah]

I remember feeling a right rebel by reading 'Just 17' when I was 15 🤣

[GirlLovesWorld]

I worked for the company that wrote Shout!

It was mostly staffed by school leavers earning - well, my salary was £8788. I remember that vividly!

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

And having a spot was the worse thing ever and IF you hadn’t prevented said spot then you better go to great lengths to cover it up or your ‘crush’ might see and fancy your friend instead

I unfortunately lapped all this up until I was about 15. The only thing I think I was sceptical about was the ‘True Life Stories’ which I suspect were written by people who worked at the magazine. Always a cautionary tale about getting into a car with an older boy who was a joyrider and the poor girl in the story ended up losing a leg or something awful!

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

@GirlLovesWorld that’s amazing!!! Please tell us more!!

[Wondermule]

Does anyone remember agony aunt Cathy?! Or did I dream her up?

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

No I remember Cathy!!! She had dark curly hair and a lime green silk shirt and a stern but kindly expression!

[GirlLovesWorld]

It was not a very nice place to work. Hugely cliquey, men paid far more than the women. When I left (because I was miserable) they told me they'd make sure I never worked again in our town

[Wondermule]

Phew, she does exist

[Wondermule]

www.cathycassidy.com/about-cathy/

Found her! Turns out she is quite an accomplished author, and is now only about 60. So she must’ve been 40s back then but I remember her as being ancient

[Tnuc]

I remember one about a girl who was embarrassed about smelling, and it being so bad that other people in school were noticing.

The expert response was that the girl must have left a tampon in, and the advice was to "fish around in there" to remove said tampon.

Because that's literally the only possible cause.

[HappyFourTeeth]

I read J17 and Mizz.

I don’t remember specific ‘tips’ but I do remember the general vibe was about being slim, popular and attracting boys, which is just horrendous now when I think about it!

I also remember these mags used to do competitions to win a meet/day our/VIP experience with the boyband or teen pin up of the day, and the photo shoots were always really inappropriate. Some star struck 14 yr old girl kissing a 20-something boybander or sitting in between all five guys with their arms all over her. Even then I thought it was creepy.

[EdinaMonsoon]

I was already in my 20's in the 90s but the 80's versions of these teen magazines were just as bad.

Early 80's it was "My Guy" & "Jackie" and mid-80s "Just 17". They were all appallingly aimed at convincing teen girls all that mattered in life was pursuing & keeping a boyfriend. They also featured step by step make-up tutorials that can only be described as "explosion in a paint factory". I know it was the 80s but seriously!!

As an indie-kid Smiths fan, the NME was my teen bible

[HollysBush]

MidSummers I remember that one!
Something that stuck in my mind was to have a slice of brown toast and honey before going out on a date or clubbing, to give you energy and so you didn’t appear ravenous to your date!! It’s not a good snack as you get crumbs and honey dripped all over your velvet spaghetti strap minidress.

[VioletCharlotte]

My Nan used to work in a newsagent so would bring me home all the magazines that didn't sell. I had piles of them - Jackie, Just 17, 19, More, Mizz...and used to spend my weekends pouring over the advice on how to get a boyfriend/ how to be popular/ 'makeovers'/ problem pages, etc. This was in the late 80s/ early 90s.

They were so trashy, but I do miss a magazine!

[IndecentFeminist]

I went to school with quads, they had an older sibling who.worked for one of these mags. (All of which I read avidly, but had to hide them from my parents who hated them). The kids were all beautiful, two boys and 2 girls, and super cool. One month one of them was featured in the 'real life' section, which of course wasn't real at all. Apparently they were all made up.

[CounsellorTroi]

@MidSummersNightmare

I was a teenager in the 90s. One particular article I remember was about how to look good when sunbathing on the beach. Their top tip was to dig a recess in the sand to put your bum and thighs in so the fat doesn’t get squashed out to the sides and therefore you look thinner.

I was a teenager in the 70s. One tip was to wear high heeled gold sandals while walking around the pool to make your legs look longer, slimmer and browner. Well you’d certainly get noticed if you fell flat on your face or into the pool while tottering around on your heels.

[WonkyCactus]

@GirlLovesWorld I turned down a job offer from that company when I was 17! I went to university instead but I've always wondered "what if...". Sounds like I dodged a bullet!

[WeeDangerousSpike]

Oh god, I'd forgotten the magazines!

What was the one that was sex obsessed?? I'd borrow a friend's copy or very rarely buy one, read it, and throw it away before I got home so my DM wouldn't see it!

It was awful, really made out that all teenagers were having sex constantly, and you were really uncool and had something wrong with you if you weren't!