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Page 2 | To think you can't get past 'the ick' im a relationship?

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Thickums Thu 02-Jan-20 20:09:37

LIGHT HEARTED Interested in other posters thoughts on 'the ick'.

For those who don't know, the 'ick' is when someone you are dating just starts to irritate you for no apparent reason.
I dont mean normal annoyances, i mean they start to make your skin crawl and their mannerisms just go through you like a knife.
It can just creep up on you without any warning and they can even tick every box and otherwise be a 10/10 partner but unfortunately even them breathing irritates the life out of you. You try to fight it, but ultimately the irritation can turn to anger and make even the best of people become snappy with rage due to 'the ick'.

Ive experienced this once. Lovely bloke, not a bad bone in his body. After about 2 years for some reason still unknown to me i suddenly got 'the ick'. Watching him eat a pot noodle would make my blood boil.. Literally give me the rage. Everything he did irritated the life out of me.
As he was so lovely i tried my hardest to make things work. Until one day i confessed to a friend who told me about 'the ick' and how once it happens it can never be undone. They will irritate you forever. No one knows the cause of the ick.. But its incurableblush. So i ended it. Felt nothing but relief.

So am i unreasonable to think 'the ick' is a real thing and once it happens the relationship is doomed?

Has anyone else experienced this? What is the reason behind 'the ick'? Why does it usually seem to happen with people who tick all the boxes?

I can't lie, i sometimes read posts on the relationship boards where the OP will say their partner has suddenly said they want out. Whilst everyone else is shouting 'OW' i think to myself maybe they've just got 'the ick?' blush

OP’s posts: |
Ironmanrocks Thu 02-Jan-20 20:43:22

And men with long nails actually make me gag. So wrong.

Chuffit Thu 02-Jan-20 20:43:50

I got the ick with a man who I was on a relationship with before I met my husband.
I can remember it clearly. We were in a Chinese restaurant having a meal and the sight of him eating his sweet and sour in a perfectly acceptable way, made me want to stick a spork in his forehead.
I realised then that I had often harboured a fantasy about sporking him when he irritated me for no known reason, so I ended it over the lychees.

KnucklesMcGinty Thu 02-Jan-20 20:48:34

Oh god. What happens if you get the ick for your DH of 20 years? Just asking for a friend. wink

MrsDilligaf Thu 02-Jan-20 20:49:45

I dated a really lovely man. Kind, funny, generous to a fault but he had really awful tattoos (very random, no theme to them and were just a bit confused) I was okay with them, but when he rocked up one day in a Gucci bracelet that was it.

There are men that can carry jewellery off, and then there are others who look like Cap'n Jack Sparrow...

Yes it was shallow, but men + bracelets = ick

JockTamsonsBairns Thu 02-Jan-20 20:51:51

It's definitely a thing, although like @MuchBetterNow we in Scotland call it "taking a scunner".
I once got it with a bloke I was seeing, an otherwise decent sort. We went out for a meal one evening, and when his arrived he said to the waiter, "oh, yummy yummy yummy". That was it.

PaperbackBlighter Thu 02-Jan-20 20:54:02

I never knew there was a name for this!

I was with a perfectly lovely boyfriend for a year. Really nice guy and we got on really well.

Woke up one morning and there was this unpleasant smell. Kind of earthy and acrid. Sniffed everywhere and couldn’t find it. After a while, I noticed it came from him. Figured maybe it was just monkey breath from sleeping or whatever so ignored it thinking he’d be fine after his shower and brushing his teeth. Nope.

Thought maybe I was getting a cold, but no.

The smell never went away. Nobody else noticed it. He hadn’t changed diet or deodorant etc. it was just coming from him.

It got to the stage where, after spending time with him, I’d have to shower vigorously but would still smell it off my own skin. It would make me gag.

Then other things started making me feel ick. The texture of his hair was suddenly all wrong, the little permanent spot on his forehead, how he ate.

It was like my entire body just got this sudden revulsion against him.

NewNameSameOldGame Thu 02-Jan-20 20:55:47

I have definitely experienced this.
I realised with my Ex that something was seriously wrong in our relationship when I looked at his feet and thought “even your feet are ugly and I hate them”.
He wasn’t an ugly man at all! But his feet (and strangely the back of his bald head) began to irritate the fuck out of me.
Ridiculous isn’t it, but I couldn’t get away from it

PaperbackBlighter Thu 02-Jan-20 20:55:54

Oh, also the fact that he named his penis.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer Thu 02-Jan-20 20:56:31

I had to check the date on this thread because I swear I remember reading something just like this about "the ick" before, and I have not been here that long. Maybe I read it somewhere else, but I'm positive I've seen "the ick" discussed before. Had never heard of it the first time.

katseyes7 Thu 02-Jan-20 20:57:54

l found this with my ex husband when things weren't good between us. He'd sit there with a yogurt pot scraping every last vestige out of it like he was digging to Australia. l got to the point where l couldn't bear to be in the room with him when he was eating.
l thought it was just me, til l mentioned it to my cousin, and she said someone she'd worked with had said exactly the same thing about her husband. Not long before they split up.

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends Thu 02-Jan-20 20:58:30

Sorry NegroniOnIce I did fail to get it blush. I'm not usually so joyless - shitty day! (work & teens ). I'll go stick my head in the quality street tub until it subsides.

Pinkette06 Thu 02-Jan-20 20:58:57

I had this! Even if I see anything of this guy years later on fb makes me shudder. I feel awful but I can't help it. Was seeing him for a while, we got down to it one night and his eyes were rolling back, like I could just see the whites of his eyes, freaked me right out. Apparently a sign of him enjoying himself but that was it. I was put off, totally cringed at everything with him and everything annoyed me. Had known him for years too, perfectly nice guy, wish I'd left it as that as even now makes me feel weird!

Peakypolly Thu 02-Jan-20 20:59:05

A bloke I was dating sat on something sticky ( a discarded starburst I suspect)whilst on the London Underground, and so had a sort of sticky coloured blob on his light coloured jeans around the butt cheek area. I found it gross and saw it as a failing in him somehow.Don’t ask me why, I know this is really weird but hey, I was 17. After that I just felt ‘the ick’ and had to dump him immediately.

QueenofPain Thu 02-Jan-20 21:00:29

Yes, I know what you mean completely.

I also agree with the pp who mentioned it sometimes being hormonally induced and therefore reversible, too. I once had a pregnancy with very, very bad HG and I was so completely repulsed by my partner at the time that I couldn’t stand the sight of him, his smell made me dry heave instantly, his speech, the way he moved his body, the way he wore his jeans, it was all so inexplicably repulsive to me. I can’t properly put into words how disgusted I was by that man and the idea that i’d ever has sex with him and gotten pregnant. He proposed to me that Christmas Day, and not only did I turn it down, I ended the relationship right there and then. I had a termination a few weeks later as I was very young and really couldn’t cope with the HG, and definitely didn’t want a baby. Moved cities, got a new job, and 6 months later I saw him and we ended up back together for about a further year after that.

Weirdomagnet Thu 02-Jan-20 21:00:41

😂 this is gold!!

I am perpetually single because of the ick. I do have an aversion to the work 'icky' but can forgive it in this context.

Once, a boyfriend said to me in a wistful/hinty way... 'christmas is just round the corner'. That was it for me. (That and the cricket jumper). And the wanting to watch Finding Nemo with me. And saying 'I think it's time I introduced "someone" to you...', big reveal stylee, about his daughter.

I dumped his arse rather than expose my irrational evil to the daughter.

Another one wore a pink jumper once. Death knell. He'd also sniffed the air in my flat once and said 'have you been cooking up a storm?". I hadn't. But the phrase alone was enough.

I realise it's a two way thing by the way!!

TimeToChangeNameAgain Thu 02-Jan-20 21:00:59

I got this with dh a couple of years ago and we’re now separating. It dawned on me one day that I knew as soon as I walked out of the sitting room he’d start picking at the skin in his feet. He didn’t do it when I was in the room but as soon as I started to move he’d get his foot into picking position. Then when I returned to the room the foot would return to the floor. But his footy hands would be there ready to plunge into my bowl of crisps or give me a hug. I couldn’t stand him from then on.

gromberry Thu 02-Jan-20 21:01:30

I was seeing a guy years ago who used to gesture towards the bed, raise an eyebrow and say 'shall we?'


BillywigSting Thu 02-Jan-20 21:03:16

It's definitely a thing I think.

I had this with my ex before dp.

Lovely man, kind, funny, intelligent, hard working, ticked all the boxes, but yes, literally him breathing made me feel stabby.

We're friends now but I shudder every time I think about how we were romantically involved

Looking back I think he was just a bit too touchy for me (as in touched me too much). Not in any sort of gropey or inappropriate way but there is a definite limit to how much I can tolerate being touched in one day. There was just one too many affectionate shoulder squeezes and hair strokes every time I was with him. (having a velcro baby was... Interesting)

SuperMumTum Thu 02-Jan-20 21:03:35

I was seeing a guy fot a few months. All going fine but then one weekend, out of nowhere, everything irritated me. The way he ate, his generosity (I know?!) Every. Single. Thing. I couldn't look at him by sunday morning. I felt really sorry for him because I couldn't give him a reason as to why I needed to end it and he just kind of meekly accepted it. He was a nice bloke as well.

Thickums Thu 02-Jan-20 21:05:22

Some of these are hysterical and glad to know I'm not alone and its common.

Its just the weirdest thing though!! Frustrating too. I once went on a date for a meal and when watching him eat a curry with a spoon and not a fork thought 'although your lovely i can see me getting the ick with you at some point'. Didn't see him again despite us getting on well. grin

It's just so unreasonable. Getting the rage with no reason. Screws up many good potential relationships i feel!!

OP’s posts: |
ofay Thu 02-Jan-20 21:05:30

It was the red trousers, and the matching rosy cheeks. Double ick.

Macaroni46 Thu 02-Jan-20 21:06:37

Omg yes I've had this. Was dating a lovely guy, really decent and we had loads in common.
After a few months he started to let his guard down and his personal hygiene became very suspect.
He seemed to stop cutting his fingernails (I can't bear men with long fingernails and keep mine really short. His were longer than mine) and would pick the dirt out from under them 🤮
Other Ick moments included:
Asking if he could borrow nail scissors so he could trim his toe nails
Farting a lot
Bringing wet underpants and socks to my house in a plastic carrier bag and handing them to me to 'sort out'. Like an idiot I put them in the tumble drier then folded them. He placed them on my kitchen table 😱
Wearing sports tops for everyday wear
Spraying his clothes with deodorant cos they weren't washed
And the final straw - we were staying in a hotel and when getting ready for breakfast he put on unwashed sports gear plus normal everyday lace up shoes. That was the final straw!
Oh and he snored like a walrus but I appreciate he couldn't help that.
Needless to say he is no more 🙄

RedTitsMcGinty Thu 02-Jan-20 21:08:51

Was dating someone. He used the term “cheeky Nando’s” non-ironically. Dead to me from that moment.

TheDarkPassenger Thu 02-Jan-20 21:09:12

Like others have mentioned. I had it when pregnant. Me and oh ran a hotel together, our locals would say I’d sometimes just stand there giving him the most disgusting looks like I wanted him to drop down dead. I felt myself hating everything he did, even him breathing gave me rage.

Popped the kid out and i liked him again smile

Got it with my ex and still have it with him. Ick

BluebonicPlague Thu 02-Jan-20 21:09:36

Yes! This is definitely a thing. There is no 'growing up' about it or 'talking through' it: it's a total deal breaker. You suddenly see the object of your affection through a new lens and it's impossible to eradicate that new image. Yes - long fingernails, weird language ('holibobs', anyone?), strange clothing (beige poloneck would finish it for me too), a liking for [insert wrong band name here], or wiping a drip from the milk jug with a finger and then licking it: these are all total passion killers.
There is no going back.

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