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Original poster

To think you can't get past 'the ick' im a relationship?

680 replies

Thickums · 02/01/2020 20:09

LIGHT HEARTED Interested in other posters thoughts on 'the ick'.

For those who don't know, the 'ick' is when someone you are dating just starts to irritate you for no apparent reason.
I dont mean normal annoyances, i mean they start to make your skin crawl and their mannerisms just go through you like a knife.
It can just creep up on you without any warning and they can even tick every box and otherwise be a 10/10 partner but unfortunately even them breathing irritates the life out of you. You try to fight it, but ultimately the irritation can turn to anger and make even the best of people become snappy with rage due to 'the ick'.

Ive experienced this once. Lovely bloke, not a bad bone in his body. After about 2 years for some reason still unknown to me i suddenly got 'the ick'. Watching him eat a pot noodle would make my blood boil.. Literally give me the rage. Everything he did irritated the life out of me.
As he was so lovely i tried my hardest to make things work. Until one day i confessed to a friend who told me about 'the ick' and how once it happens it can never be undone. They will irritate you forever. No one knows the cause of the ick.. But its incurableBlush. So i ended it. Felt nothing but relief.

So am i unreasonable to think 'the ick' is a real thing and once it happens the relationship is doomed?

Has anyone else experienced this? What is the reason behind 'the ick'? Why does it usually seem to happen with people who tick all the boxes?

I can't lie, i sometimes read posts on the relationship boards where the OP will say their partner has suddenly said they want out. Whilst everyone else is shouting 'OW' i think to myself maybe they've just got 'the ick?' Blush

OP posts:
JustASmallTownCurl · 02/01/2020 21:57

@bitoffun

it's more more extreme that that though. It's going from attraction to instant repulsion.

Bang on - it's a totally different feeling to someone annoying you all the time or losing the spark. It's a visceral almost panicky skin crawling feeling. Nails down a blackboard type thing.

MiniGuinness · 02/01/2020 21:59

I get it frequently but it does disappear again. I even sometimes get it about my cat, who is the most perfect creature ever. So it does not necessarily mean a relationship is doomed. Peaks and troughs.

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 02/01/2020 22:00

Oh I have another -
Again another short lived few dates things, weirdly we were really very similar and he was really attractive. We were in the throes of it when he asked if he could come on my chest, fine, doesn't bother me - except he licked it all off. I couldn't see past that. I'm sure it's perfectly fine and dandy but just FUCKING ICK.

One guy I'd been after for ages invited me back to his house and his room was literally like a teenagers - fucking shithole, he was 28 ffs, I couldn't see past that.

managedmis · 02/01/2020 22:01

This is so fascinating. I wonder if there is some sort of deeply-hidden hormonal explanation for the whole ick phenomenon. It’s striking that so many of the men are described as lovely, not a bad bone in their body types. Kind of beta males?

^^

Exactly.

Smooth hands'll do it.

JKScot4 · 02/01/2020 22:02

@NigesFakeWalkingStick
🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮

Thesispieces · 02/01/2020 22:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Violetparis · 02/01/2020 22:02

thenightsky your post really made me smile, an image of a man waddling like a penguin is now in my head Smile

Weirdomagnet · 02/01/2020 22:04

@JustASmallTownCurl
Thanks!...and sorry I gave you the ick 🤢😂

Michaelbaubles · 02/01/2020 22:05

I think it happens with nice guys because something they do switches on the “mother” bit of your brain and that’s an instant turn-off. So if you feel embarrassed for them or they use baby talk or something that looks “unmanly” (long nails, smooth hands) etc...

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 02/01/2020 22:07

I've heard this called 'bitch eating crackers' before ...

ThebishopofBanterbury · 02/01/2020 22:07

My ex, many years ago used to say, "why don't you sit down and have a nice cuppa, read a Maggy" meaning magazine..when he said this he immediately turned into his mum in my mind. It was so weird he was a blokey kind of guy but occasionally he'd come out with these really camp phrases and the ick factor was absolutely unbearable!

exexpat · 02/01/2020 22:08

I'm sure hormone fluctuations do play a big part in some of this, and there is a bit of research, eg www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/attraction-evolved/201806/do-hormones-really-influence-what-women-find-attractive

The people who have said the feeling comes and goes with their partners (or cats! @MiniGuinness) - have you noticed whether the changes correlate with stages of your menstrual cycle or if you are going on/off hormonal contraception?

But I am sure that sometimes it is just that you notice something about a new/potential new partner or even an existing one that puts you off and can't get it out of your head.

PaperbackBlighter · 02/01/2020 22:09

Oh @NigesFakeWalkingStick that’s disgusting. I’m all for a bit of a fetish, but something like that needs advanced discussion/agreement.

Just remembered that the Rick the Dick guy used to lick my face when he was kissing me. Like, not just a slip of the tongue but actually slurping on my nose and forehead. I was quite young so I kind of put up with it but nothing worse than the smell of drying saliva on your skin.

Hmpher · 02/01/2020 22:09

One previous boyfriend once said “I really dig you”. Instant death. But I tried to salvage it, I laughed as though it was a silly joke and asked what it meant, and he told me in a breathy voice “it’s between like and love”. God, it makes me shudder even now. I kept it going for a while but kind of hated him and had no respect for him anymore Blush no idea why he even wanted to be around me or why I felt a lack of respect for him. Every time he went in for a kiss I would give him my cheek. When I ended things with him, he started crying and I had to stop myself rolling my eyes. But I know that if a stranger had cried like that in front of me, I would have felt sympathy and tried to make them feel better. I’m obviously very horrible.

I got ‘the ick’ over how one boyfriend put his socks on - he’d sit on the edge of the bed like he was doing something really important and worthy, carefully pulling them up over his toes and smoothing them before slowly easing his other leg up for the same treatment.

Weirdomagnet · 02/01/2020 22:11

@justasmalltowncurl

Thinking about it I wonder if for me it's times where I suddenly think fuck you're way too naive / wide eyed for me and so I can't see them in a sexual way anymore, so the thought if it makes me body say nope nope nope

This is it!

CheeryCherry · 02/01/2020 22:12

I’m feeling it at the moment ... lovely bloke, wouldn’t harm a fly.... but his habits are starting to irritate.... his snooking up his snot, his obsession with bargains and offers, the way he pokes his tongue in and out of my mouth when we kiss... I ignored it all at first but it’s beginning to make me argghhh

JustASmallTownCurl · 02/01/2020 22:13

why don't you sit down and have a nice cuppa, read a Maggy" meaning magazine

These are all giving me such icks, they are SO accurate!

Weirdomagnet · 02/01/2020 22:13

in the whoopsi week I have to leave the room when he eats yogurt

Snort

RobinHobb · 02/01/2020 22:13

🤮🤮🤮@nigesfakewalkingstick

ilovepixie · 02/01/2020 22:13

In my younger days there was this boy I fancied. Like really really fancied. He asked me out and I was over the moon. Went for a drink and I noticed a boil on his head just below his hairline. Put me completely off him!

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 02/01/2020 22:14

Oh YES just remembered the last one.

Dated a guy for about 8 months, but bless him was hopeless in bed. Had been a long term friend and was sweet, naive etc (I was only 18) but he started to call his penis 'Mr Wang' and that was it Envy

happycamper11 · 02/01/2020 22:14

when his arrived he said to the waiter, "oh, yummy yummy yummy".

That's appalling!

And the pot noodle I get, ex p eating a yogurt induced massively irrational rage.

Some of dp's mannerisms are starting to annoy me and I feel it might be the start of a slippery slope. I wonder if there is an average time it appears?!

goodwinter · 02/01/2020 22:14

I've had "the ick". To be fair he was kind of gross in general (in his habits - I was young with low self-esteem, so my bar was quite low at that point unfortunately), but there were a few specific incidents that tipped me over the edge and I found him repulsive after that. I agree, there's no going back.

ilovepixie · 02/01/2020 22:15

In Northern Ireland it's called gives me the boke!

currentlyavailable · 02/01/2020 22:17

Yes this is definitely a thing for me. Every relationship I've ever had (apart from DH) has had this about 6months in. It's also not that everything annoys me, it's that suddenly they do something and it makes me feel disgust. It could be something totally innocent. I then would struggle with it for a week after but get over it. The relationships always ended.

It never happened with DH and I married him. 10years later it hasn't happened so I think we will be ok!