To think you can't get past 'the ick' im a relationship?

[Thickums]

LIGHT HEARTED Interested in other posters thoughts on 'the ick'.

For those who don't know, the 'ick' is when someone you are dating just starts to irritate you for no apparent reason.
I dont mean normal annoyances, i mean they start to make your skin crawl and their mannerisms just go through you like a knife.
It can just creep up on you without any warning and they can even tick every box and otherwise be a 10/10 partner but unfortunately even them breathing irritates the life out of you. You try to fight it, but ultimately the irritation can turn to anger and make even the best of people become snappy with rage due to 'the ick'.

Ive experienced this once. Lovely bloke, not a bad bone in his body. After about 2 years for some reason still unknown to me i suddenly got 'the ick'. Watching him eat a pot noodle would make my blood boil.. Literally give me the rage. Everything he did irritated the life out of me.
As he was so lovely i tried my hardest to make things work. Until one day i confessed to a friend who told me about 'the ick' and how once it happens it can never be undone. They will irritate you forever. No one knows the cause of the ick.. But its incurable. So i ended it. Felt nothing but relief.

So am i unreasonable to think 'the ick' is a real thing and once it happens the relationship is doomed?

Has anyone else experienced this? What is the reason behind 'the ick'? Why does it usually seem to happen with people who tick all the boxes?

I can't lie, i sometimes read posts on the relationship boards where the OP will say their partner has suddenly said they want out. Whilst everyone else is shouting 'OW' i think to myself maybe they've just got 'the ick?'

[NewYoiker]

@PaperbackBlighter what did he name it?!

[SpeckledDot]

Yeah I've got that with someone i took an interest in recently; something's put me off. I think it's the way he reacted to getting a cold, like he was dying or something. It made me feel like he was a mummy's boy somehow. I have no idea how those two things are linked

[UsernameThenSomeNumbers]

Name changed for this as I’ve told friends this story before.

Met a nice man in a work context. Spent the meeting thinking he was very handsome. When the meeting was over, I was walking him out and making chitchat and asked if he was heading straight back to the office or to another appointment. He said he was going to grab some lunch because he hadn’t had a proper breakfast that morning, but had gone to Costa for a hot chocolate and a cookie.

Immediate ick.

[NigesFakeWalkingStick]

I've had this a few times and it's a very real thing.

One guy I was dating bit his nails - we'd been on about 4 dates and were supposed to go to a NYE thing together but I remember watching him drive (badly, he bunny hopped the car and made me feel sick) with these fingers that basically had tiny stumps of nails on and I got the proper ick. I went to the evening thing but I couldn't see past it at all.

[EmmiJay]

Oh yes! Hence why I've had ALOT of short 'relationships'. One guy stood there shouting for me to help him after he knocked over his own drink and once had tears in his eyes when he realised his phone hadn't been charging - Seriously?! Another was a messy "cummer" - BLEUGHHH! One always, ALWAYS, had to itch his balls whilst we watched tv. One never could fold his towel after using my bathroom and it drove me fucking mad! I'm usually easy going (LOL) but somethings can really ignite my short fuse.

[JKScot4]

The scunner, the boak definitely a thing.
Recently had a coffee with the guy who was my first serious bf many moons ago and it was a tsunami of ‘ick’ obviously was young and deluded at 17 😭😭

[CruCru]

I used to go out with someone who irritated me quite a lot in various ways. One in particular was that whenever Blackadder III (he watched it a LOT) said (when asked if he had any children) "No, no, I'm not married" he would always say how funny it was that Blackadder said that. He also (whenever the metro voice said "Stand clear of thew doors please") would go "oh-KAAAAAAY!!!" while making his eyes really big.

[ThebishopofBanterbury]

Oh you are SO right op. I have had this feeling with ex's and it is the kiss of death in a relationship, something I just can't get past.

[PaperbackBlighter]

@NewYoiker

what did he name it?!

Rick

He’d waggle it in my direction going “Rick the Dick wants to viiiiisit”.

[shamalidacdak]

Very common with new mothers. It's called big ugly head syndrome. When a new Mum holds her gorgeous delicate newborn the DP becomes repulsive with a BUH.

[justrestinginmybankaccount]

Yes I have experienced The Ick!

I was seeing a guy about three months. We had been friends a long time before so we knew each other well. Once the romance started it was amazing. Full on. Fantastic.

Then one day I called over to him. He was wearing a cardigan and it had a rolled down collar. He told me to come on in, he’d just eaten a lovely Shepard’s pie.

And that was it. Poof! Attraction gone. And replaced with insane irritation and no respect.

I was livid with myself as I’d been having a great time - but once i switched the ick on there was absolutely no going back.

[Weirdomagnet]

@Thickums yes!- we should start an Irrational Cringe club or something...!

I'm left with mental scars just from the image of your ex in a pot noodle stance on the edge of the sofa😂😂

[Boireannachlaidir]

Yes I instantly thought of Chandler too @Sundancer77

It's definitely not a case of gradually realising they annoy you and going from attraction to instant revulsion is right!

Happened to me when I was much younger, I idolised this guy in our friendship group, he was very good looking, ticked all the right boxes and I'd make such an effort to look good every time I knew he'd be there. Then we were all out one night and for the first time I suddenly noticed out of the blue that he had a high pitched laugh that grated on me and it was like a switch, I knew there and then I didn't - couldn't - fancy him in the slightest anymore and that we could never - ever, ever, ever - get together romantically.

[ferntwist]

This is so fascinating. I wonder if there is some sort of deeply-hidden hormonal explanation for the whole ick phenomenon. It’s striking that so many of the men are described as lovely, not a bad bone in their body types. Kind of beta males?

[JustASmallTownCurl]

@weirdomagnet

Once, a boyfriend said to me in a wistful/hinty way... 'christmas is just round the corner'. That was it for me.

This is written so perfectly that I got a bit of ick reading it 😂

It's such a shame when it happens when it's someone nice because you feel guilty and ungrateful! But I like to think it's my gut telling me to put the brakes on and that it's not right. Better to let someone go too, so they can be happy with someone where neither has the ick.

One guy kept trying to make what could have been a cute thing he said into a kind of catchphrase / in joke by using it constantly when messaging. Like all the time. From morning until:

"And remember... (catchphrase here). Goodnight x"

I can only describe it as if he was Gretchen. It was Fetch. And it was not going to happen. Not on my watch.

For those saying nobody is perfect, I don't think any of us who have got the ick believe we are perfect at all?! I'm sure loads of us have had people get the ick about us too.

[MrsHusky]

i got it with my ExH.. definitely no coming back from it... just him touching me started making my skin crawl.

[managedmis]

Yup it's a thing.

What is it though? What??!? There must be a scientific term for it??

[Weirdomagnet]

@namechangeoutedbyMIL

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[JustASmallTownCurl]

@justrestinginmybankaccount

Then one day I called over to him. He was wearing a cardigan and it had a rolled down collar. He told me to come on in, he’d just eaten a lovely Shepard’s pie.

I love you.

It's genuinely interesting as PP said that it seems to be legit really nice men in particular. I've looked at dickhead exes and thought you are an absolute cunt and I don't want to see you again. But the physical skin crawl ick thing has been nice guys.

Thinking about it I wonder if for me it's times where I suddenly think fuck you're way too naive / wide eyed for me and so I can't see them in a sexual way anymore, so the thought if it makes me body say nope nope nope.

Its a totally visceral response and jokes aside when I remember the couple of times I've felt it I physically respond even know with a little grimace or argh feeling in my tummy, years on.

[Hmpher]

Oh god, I’ve had this so many times over the years. Thankfully, I’ve often experienced it before anything has really happened, as though my body is giving me a warning before things go too far. It makes me look like I have just been leading them on and feigning interest but something has instantly changed. It doesn’t seem to be related to how disgusting something is either - I once had shower sex with my then boyfriend after he’d done a horrendous, hungover shit (so the room stank) and then he threw up as soon as we were finished. Still didn’t put me off. I could have happily had more sex as long as he’d brushed his teeth Yet just the sight of somebody holding a pen in the wrong way has been enough to put me off in the past.

I remember really liking my first ever boyfriend and then one day I realised he didn’t change his socks every day and that was it. Instant death. I felt the same way about my husband when I was pregnant, I seriously hated everything about him. I was so wound up by every mannerism, every sound he made, the phrases he used, his profile, the way he stretched in the morning, how he dried his hands on a towel, the way he walked, how he did his hair, how he put things in his pockets, his smell! It all disgusted me. I remember sitting there thinking about how he didn’t really read books and wondering wtf I was thinking allowing myself to become impregnated by such a Neanderthal. I was gutted and felt completely trapped, wondering whether there was any way I could end the relationship. I went back to normal once the baby was here. Poor husband.

[marblesgoing]

I get this when I have pmt.

My hormones are changing and although only just hit the big 40 due to emergency suregery and a hormone based health condition I am peri menopausal and Christ don't we know it

Dh now calls it the week of whoopsy which within itself gives me the ick 😂

The way he eats,sleeps,smells,or pretty much anything he does gives me an inner rage for about five days before my period turns up.
It's horrendous.

Been married for 18 years and I remember when expecting our third I was like it at times but it went instantly after dc was born.

Well the poor bastard has a really rough five days with me each month but I can literally go to bed with the ick and then wake up the next morning and love him immensely like normal it's bizarre.

The poster that said about the yogurt pot scraping has the description spot on. Never normally bothers me but in the whoopsi week I have to leave the room when he eats yogurt. Also the way he holds the spoon will give me ick 😂

Luckily this week he's safe 😂

[happycamper11]

Yes!!! I'm generally intolerant and it happens to me a lot! Didn't know there was a name for it!

[katseyes7]

PaperbackBlighter YES!!! l totally get this. l thought my (ex) husband's smell changed. Or my perception of it did.
When we were first together l loved the scent of him. l liked nothing better than snuggling up and being able to smell his skin.
When things were bad between us l couldn't bear to be near him. His 'smell' absolutely repulsed me.

[Aibuornotoop]

Absolutely YANBU. God I’ve tried as well