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To think you can't get past 'the ick' im a relationship?

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Thickums Thu 02-Jan-20 20:09:37

LIGHT HEARTED Interested in other posters thoughts on 'the ick'.

For those who don't know, the 'ick' is when someone you are dating just starts to irritate you for no apparent reason.
I dont mean normal annoyances, i mean they start to make your skin crawl and their mannerisms just go through you like a knife.
It can just creep up on you without any warning and they can even tick every box and otherwise be a 10/10 partner but unfortunately even them breathing irritates the life out of you. You try to fight it, but ultimately the irritation can turn to anger and make even the best of people become snappy with rage due to 'the ick'.

Ive experienced this once. Lovely bloke, not a bad bone in his body. After about 2 years for some reason still unknown to me i suddenly got 'the ick'. Watching him eat a pot noodle would make my blood boil.. Literally give me the rage. Everything he did irritated the life out of me.
As he was so lovely i tried my hardest to make things work. Until one day i confessed to a friend who told me about 'the ick' and how once it happens it can never be undone. They will irritate you forever. No one knows the cause of the ick.. But its incurableblush. So i ended it. Felt nothing but relief.

So am i unreasonable to think 'the ick' is a real thing and once it happens the relationship is doomed?

Has anyone else experienced this? What is the reason behind 'the ick'? Why does it usually seem to happen with people who tick all the boxes?

I can't lie, i sometimes read posts on the relationship boards where the OP will say their partner has suddenly said they want out. Whilst everyone else is shouting 'OW' i think to myself maybe they've just got 'the ick?' blush

OP’s posts: |
SecretWitch Thu 02-Jan-20 20:12:19

Op, are you a journalist?

MuchBetterNow Thu 02-Jan-20 20:12:36

I had it once many years ago, it was known as "the scunner" though.

Thickums Thu 02-Jan-20 20:20:29

What @SecretWitch?! No i am not! I'm a regular poster and been here for years! Mumsnet can verify me thank you very much.

And for the record- i do NOT agree with the dailymail writing stories about threads. Its awful. People post anonymously for a reason. Not to have their dirty laundry in a national newspaper. Lazy and unethical journalim IMO.

OP’s posts: |
Thickums Thu 02-Jan-20 20:21:32

@MuchBetterNow the scunner?? Ooh ive not heard that one. Must be a common thing then if there are other names for it.

Wonder why it happens?!

OP’s posts: |
GinDaddy Thu 02-Jan-20 20:28:05

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BruceAndNosh Thu 02-Jan-20 20:30:49

After a twenty year gap I bumped into an ex who I once considered the Love of my Life.
He dumped me and broke my heart. I thought he was physically perfect 20 years ago.

We had a very civilised coffee together, not at all awkward.
Just as the "he was the love of my life" thought drifted into my head I glanced at his hands.
And noticed his (clean) but far too long fingernails.


exexpat Thu 02-Jan-20 20:31:30

I think the only time you can get over it is when it is hormonally-induced.

I've often heard of pregnant women, new mothers, women who get really bad PMT or who are hitting menopause suddenly finding their partners overwhelmingly irritating or physically repulsive, but when hormones settle down they can sometimes go back to how they feel before. If it's just out of nowhere, then probably not (I've had it like that).

gamerchick Thu 02-Jan-20 20:31:58

It's definitely a thing. Once it comes there's no going back.

helpfulperson Thu 02-Jan-20 20:32:00

Yes, i had it once with a guy I'd been friends with for years. We were then happily romantically involved for a couple of years and suddenly I got the ick. We broke up and I haven't seen him in years. At the time it felt more like existential dread. A sense of 'I'm happy now but have to get out before I am committed for life'

Michaelbaubles Thu 02-Jan-20 20:33:31

Wow, GinDaddy, who pissed on your chips? Are we really dragging people for making an attempt to write in an interesting/funny way? What a way to slam down someone who tries to be one percent different. How intolerant.

The ick is real and you can’t get past it. I got it with someone wanting me to run suncream into a hairy flabby back. Gross. Yet the same body/hair on someone else wouldn’t have the same effect.

Northernsoullover Thu 02-Jan-20 20:34:47

I got the ick on a lovely boyfriend who didn't think he had to clean the toilet after use. No way could I get down and dirty with someone who leaves skid marks down the pan.

helpfulperson Thu 02-Jan-20 20:35:36

Its not, as mentioned above, when you find something annoying about them its when you find everything annoying. Those little things you used to find cute, the sound of them breathing etc.

TomCruises Thu 02-Jan-20 20:35:44

OMG! Yes! I remember seeing my BF at uni doing the washing up in time to KT Tunstall “woohoo” wearing a pinny and I’m not sure what happened, but sadly it was over from that moment on. 😩gin

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends Thu 02-Jan-20 20:35:49

You can get over it. It's called growing up and realising everyone has imperfections. Long term relationships get over these things because the positive things outweigh the niggles. I'm sure you're not 100% perfect yourself, op.

Fatted Thu 02-Jan-20 20:36:07

I've not had it with my DH. But I have experienced it with friendships, suddenly for no reason whatsoever they just annoy the hell out of me and I just cannot be doing with them ever again.

I do think subconsciously, there's probably always been an irritation but you can ignore it in favour of other things in the early stages of a relationship or friendship.

amusedbush Thu 02-Jan-20 20:36:23

Yep, The Ick is definitely real.

I got together with a guy I’d fancied for years and we went out for about a year. However, I very suddenly got the ick for no reason and I just couldn’t get past it. Everything he did annoyed me, even his voice made my skin crawl and I’d groan when my phone rang and I saw it was him blush

He hadn’t done anything to put me off, it just crept up suddenly and I had to end it blush

Thickums Thu 02-Jan-20 20:37:46

@GinDaddy ermm.. I dont understand your post? If you don't get the 'pot noodle thing' then you've never experienced 'the ick'.

He would eat pot noodles in this really weird/strange way where he would tuck a napkin in his shirt as if he was about to have a 3 course meal and sit in a weird stance on the edge of the sofa. It would give me the rage in a way i can't explain.
-i don'tl get the creative writing thing so can't respond to that sorry.

@BruceAndNosh eww to the finger nails! Isn't it funny how our mind works!
My ex (pot noodle guy) was very good-looking but had this nose hair that unnoticeable to the common eye but up close was super long. Towards the end i couldn't bring myself to even give him a peck on the lips because of it. grin so unreasonable of me i know. Thank goodness i ended it before i ended up doing time!!

OP’s posts: |
NegroniOnIce Thu 02-Jan-20 20:38:45

And noticed his (clean) but far too long fingernails - yes, this was the end of one boyfriend. The end. There was no going back from it.

Another one went because of his fondness for referring to himself as 'Muggins here' and sex as 'Rumpy Pumpy' - and he was serious!

The 'ick' is very much a real thing.

NegroniOnIce Thu 02-Jan-20 20:39:53

You can get over it. It's called growing up and realising everyone has imperfections. Long term relationships get over these things because the positive things outweigh the niggles. I'm sure you're not 100% perfect yourself, op

There's always one who deliberately fails to get it! grin

Ironmanrocks Thu 02-Jan-20 20:40:55

I had it once with a lovely man - we got take out pizza once and the noise! Oh my - he slobbered and slavered and I could not bear the slurping, wet, sloppy sounds that were coming from his (probably open) mouth. It was revolting. He had to go.

IndecentFeminist Thu 02-Jan-20 20:41:13

Yup. I was seeing a perfectly nice chap for a while. Then saw him walking down the street one day and suddenly just thought 'ick'. Something about the beige polo neck and beige slacks just sent the ick. Couldn't come back from it.

FriedasCarLoad Thu 02-Jan-20 20:41:33

I think it's just a phase. Stick with the person, talk honestly about the niggles, and appreciate and love the person, and it passes.

Jumpjumpjumper Thu 02-Jan-20 20:41:57

My "ick" have me cold dread feeling in the back of my neck. I never had a word for it, until now!

Jumpjumpjumper Thu 02-Jan-20 20:42:08


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