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I Am Transgender - Ask Me Anything

(89 Posts)
Craicken Sun 20-May-18 19:58:08


Allow me to preface this thread with some preliminary information:

My name is Jessica
I am not currently a mother
I am a trans woman
I am university educated
I have not started hormones
I am also pansexual (Ask me about sexuality too)
I first came out at age 14
I live in the UK

With that out of the way, the reason I decided to join mumsnet and create this thread is to try and put to rest some of the fairly startling things I've read here about being transgender, and provide a credible real trans source for you to connect with.

To begin, I want to talk about the idea of "too young" because I'll be quite honest, in the current climate this is something I struggle to find a reasonable conclusion for too. My personal opinion is that if a child exhibits signs of being genderqueer before the age of 13 or 14 it is your responsibility to guide your child through these feelings where ever they lead, because once puberty starts if your child really is trans it can have an extremely damaging effect. This is particularly true for trans women, testosterone warps your body in ways that oestrogen cannot easily fix and allowing this process to take place will only aid in dysphoria.

That being said I am not a child behavioural psychologist, I don't know when is a reasonable time for a child to make this decision of their own free will but I do believe from my own experience that if a child is truly dysphoric they will let you know and if this is at a young age please don't ignore them. It is your job as a parent to explain the idea of dysphoria so that your child can elaborate on these feelings if they occur, and if they want to pursue hormones help them.

My point here is that the earlier it can be caught the less damage is done, in the case of a trans person who feels dysphoria and wants hormones.

Secondly I want to talk about the process of coming out, and your reaction as a parent. The number one thing a child is looking for when they come out to you is acceptance and support, and its more than likely theyll be happy to answer your questions about how they feel to the best of their ability if you just sit down and hash it out with them. They may be going through a very confusing time and you should be there for them. Take an active interest, read up on sources from real trans people, learn what your child wants from their transition and help them. Offer therapy sessions with credible counsellors for your child, it is far easier to explain your thought processes to a stranger.

Finally I'd like to very briefly address stigma and the GRA to an extent. I've seen some bizarre reactions on this website to a child coming out as trans and as someone who's been through it as a teen and has come out of the other side ready to start hormones and living their life as a woman I just want to say it's not scary. I'm not the boogeywoman. I go for coffee, I have barbecues with my friends, I enjoy a good dog. If this is something your child chooses to share with you it's something to be celebrated, not feared. They have searched their soul and come to the conclusion that this is what will make them happy and at the end of the day we're only here for so long, why stop them from living them on their own terms. In regards to the GRA I don't want to start an argument with TERFs, this thread is for the benefit of parents with queer children and is not in the feminist section, but I want to point out that I as a trans woman am terrified of going into woman's changing rooms in New Look or wherever because of the stigma I may receive, but I do so as a woman. The big burly man people seem to envision claiming to be a woman just to sneak a peak simply doesn't exist. Talks about changes to the GRA start this summer and I implore you, work together with trans people on this because that spectre of the big burly man is the enemy of progress here, not me trying on a skirt.

I doubt I've been as eloquent as I hoped to be here, and if any other trans people come across this thread please feel free to correct me on any bullshit but for now, ask me any questions you have and I'll answer them as an honest trans woman.

NB: my thoughts on transitioning at a younger age should be taken with a grain of salt as I myself don't have peer reviewed sources to back my opinions up, but I'll do my best to answer questions. The long and short of it is if your child is firm in their belief take them to therapy.

OnTopOfSpaghetti Sun 20-May-18 20:03:50

Crikey OP you're brave...

TitZilla Sun 20-May-18 20:06:30


pombal Sun 20-May-18 20:07:33

You enjoy a good dog - wtf does that mean?

scrumples Sun 20-May-18 20:08:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

titchy Sun 20-May-18 20:09:08

1. There are several regular trans posters on MN already. Not sure we really need another, especially not one who seems to be telling us how to parent...

2. What gives you the impression that parents of trans-identifying children are anything other than supportive parents?

3. Do you have any awareness of the long term health implications of puberty blockers?

4. Why do you think the majority of teens who identify as trans later desist and identify as gay?

5. No one is worried about genuine transsexuals in changing rooms, prisons etc. Women are worried about Davina Ayton types. And they DO exist.

6. Would you be prepared to use a male changing room if there were young teenage girls in the female one?

Perhaps you could read some threads on here and find out what women are actually afraid of, and attempt to understand their fears, rather than simply dismissing them as 'burly blokes using the women's don't exist.'

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Sun 20-May-18 20:09:19


Craicken Sun 20-May-18 20:10:06

Prombal, I can appreciate a good dog when one presents itself

MeanTangerine Sun 20-May-18 20:10:53

How would you define the words 'woman' and 'man'?

OlennasWimple Sun 20-May-18 20:12:35

Crikey OP you're brave...

Male socialisation often does that to a person

Luglio Sun 20-May-18 20:12:54

Transplaining. We've never had that before hmm

pombal Sun 20-May-18 20:13:01

Could be scrumples

I was thinking pet dog. OP wouldn’t like mine. He has really bad recall and digs holes in the garden.

HermioneWeasley Sun 20-May-18 20:14:50

Ah, you’ve come on here to mansplain to us that our legimitate fears are unfounded.

No thanks. I’m capable of forming my own conclusions based on evidence, and all the evidence is that self ID and saying that trans women are the same as women is really bad for women.

HarryLovesDraco Sun 20-May-18 20:14:51

My questions are -
Why do you assume the women and men of mumsnet don't know any trans people to talk to?
Why do you assume your perspective is anything new and revelatory?
Do you think the women and men of mumsnet are too stupid to think and research for themselves, that they need you to tell them what being trans is and isn't?
Why do you think it's acceptable to refer to women as TERFs?

beansforbreakfastonceagain Sun 20-May-18 20:17:34

Why do you assume the women and men of mumsnet don't know any trans people to talk to?

Yes I'd like to know that too.

RailReplacementBusService Sun 20-May-18 20:17:52

OP do you have a gender recognition certificate?

Craicken Sun 20-May-18 20:18:30

Tangerine, this is a question that can have two answers, one I would call rigid and one cultural. For example, the rigid definition of a biological male is that they have a penis. The cultural definition of man includes stereotypes, like playing with trucks.

Xnic Sun 20-May-18 20:18:48

Not again!! Same thread, different poster. Yawn.

titchy Sun 20-May-18 20:19:24

* The cultural definition of man includes stereotypes, like playing with trucks.*

No it doesn't you daft sod! If it did every 3 year old in the land would be male!

AdaTwist Sun 20-May-18 20:19:49

Did you have any other firmly held beliefs at 14 that you no longer hold? (not quite sure how long ago that was, I spose this question is more relevant if that was a while ago!)

Would you celebrate if a young person told you they have a medical condition that will leave them unable to have children in the future?

GorgonLondon Sun 20-May-18 20:20:23

Everything that HarryLovesDraco said.

scrumples Sun 20-May-18 20:20:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Craicken Sun 20-May-18 20:21:28

I want to point out I never wanted to cause anyone offense here, just add my two cents on my experience. If it's not wanted them I won't force it on anybody here.

AdaTwist Sun 20-May-18 20:21:32

When you were growing up, did you have a clear idea of "girls toys" and "girls behaviours" etc? Do you think you might have felt differently about your body if you were not surrounded by culture telling you that boys and girls should do and enjoy certain things?

gamerchick Sun 20-May-18 20:23:55

How old are you now?

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