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TTC after stillbirth

(481 Posts)
toots123 Wed 09-May-18 16:00:10

Just wondering if anyone else is ttc after a stillbirth and wanted to join me on this very daunting journey? smile

MrsDx Wed 09-May-18 19:13:39

I’m not but just wanted to say how sorry I am that you had to go through a still birth. Fingers crossed for a happy ending this time xx

toots123 Thu 10-May-18 07:15:05

Thank you for your lovely message!xx

MrsLCW Sun 20-May-18 22:06:06

Hello lovely, I'm with you! Not quite a still-birth officially (because of ridiculous timing terminology) but my beautiful girl Penelope Jane was born sleeping at 20 weeks in Feb.
This is our first month TTC since.
I wish you the very best of luck! X

39Suzy Mon 21-May-18 10:32:37

I am so sorry for your losses. Noone should have to leave their baby bdhind at the hospital. I had a TFMR at 23w 4d and had a stillborn baby boy just four weeks ago. I am ready to TTC but incredibly nervous and aprehensive. Sending much love and best wishes x

sachabloom Mon 21-May-18 11:52:32

Hey @toots123

Really sorry for your loss, I personally haven't been through this but if it's ok I'd like to share my sisters story (she has given me the ok!). She had a still birth and had previously had two miscarriages. So her next pregnancy was very daunting and even to try she was quite frightened, which I totally get.

She now has two gorgeous children and whilst her pregnancies were a bit scary for her, she'd love to do it again now! I don't want to tell you everything will be fine and you don't need to worry because of course you will worry, but I thought you should know there very well could be a lovely ending to this and I wish you the best of luck. You deserve it x

Bumbers Mon 21-May-18 12:24:33

I am so sorry for all of your losses. It is heartbreaking. We are TTC again after losing our little twins at 23 weeks at Christmas.

It is daunting, but I just wish I was pregnant again. I think if I am lucky enough to get pregnant again I will be a mess the whole way through... won't buy anything baby related or travel far in case we need to get to a hospital.

Thank you to @sachabloom for the positive story.

sachabloom Mon 21-May-18 12:33:49

@Bumbers I understand that, with my sister we were all reluctant to buy things because after the still birth she had a real sense of guilt that she'd let us down for example, she'd say oh you spent all that money on gifts and it's a waste, and of course we weren't concerned about the money at all but she's a love and she was thinking of all of us. So we didn't want to "tempt fate" or do anything that could make it harder for her if it happened again. We did however, decide to throw her a baby shower, which was very chilled and just close friends and family and actually I think that was what she needed. Because as you say pregnancy can become really scary and you don't get chance to enjoy it, and you should get that chance because you totally deserve it.

I wish you the best with your journey and I a terribly sorry to hear of your loss xxx

Bumbers Mon 21-May-18 12:45:02

Thank you @sachabloom

I am glad your sister had you for support - you sound lovely!

sachabloom Mon 21-May-18 12:46:13

@Bumbers ah thank you, that's a lovely thing to say. Hope I can be of help to you as well smile xxx

Bumbers Mon 21-May-18 12:48:47

@toots123 @39Suzy @MrsLCW

Where you told anything about TTC / future pregnancies? Our consultant recommended considering waiting 6 months to try again (but we also have a genetic issue and I am getting older so that works in favour of trying sooner rather than later). We are now on month 3 of trying (currently in TWW but not feeling at all hopeful). I have been told I would be high risk for future pregnancies and so would need monitoring

toots123 Mon 21-May-18 16:13:13

Thank you all. And for the positive story @sachabloom
We have a 3 year old so are very fortunate to have someone to get up for in the morning.

@numbers we were told we can ttc as soon as we feel ready. I had a c section but the consultant said they would recommend waiting 6 months if I had a natural delivery.

She also said a future baby would be delivered at 37 weeks and I now have that in a letter from the hospital so they can't say no in the future.
As has just gone so we are officially on month 1.

toots123 Mon 21-May-18 16:13:45

@bumbers - auto correct fail!

MrsLCW Mon 21-May-18 16:41:03

@Bumbers hi!
We were told to wait for our post mortem results which took 12 weeks incase there were any reason not to try again. I have a problem with bloody clotting so have been told I'll need to take aspirin but not until I hit 12 weeks as before then the placenta won't be too heavily relied on, has anyone heard of this?
I'm going to the maternity ward for a few extra blood tests to confirm my blood condition (hate that I'll be sat with lots of pregnant women and newborns but hey ho) but we've decided to get back to trying now as treatment wouldn't start til 12 weeks anyway.
Hope this helps, and good luck! X

39Suzy Mon 21-May-18 17:49:30

Bumbers we had our follow up with the geneticist although in our case it is unlikely the PM will show anything we didn't know.... was just told to wait to have sex until after the bleeding had stopped but nothing else.

Bisquick Mon 21-May-18 17:55:02

I am so sorry for all your losses. It’s the worst feeling in the world. I was in this position just over a year ago having lost our son in an unexplained stillbirth at term. We waited for the post mortem before TTC again but it showed nothing. My second pregnancy was ridden with anxiety and I was consultant-led, but eventually got to the finish line and our rainbow baby is nearly 6 months old now.

It’s an unimaginable loss so please be kind to yourself. I just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world! Hugs!

toots123 Mon 21-May-18 19:39:12

@mrslcw I was told I'll be taking aspirin from 12 weeks too. She said it's to help the blood flow? I can't really remember a lot though. Another tablet for me to forget to take confused

LilacIris Mon 21-May-18 19:41:01

I’m sorry for everyone’s losses.

My daughter died the day after she was born and we are very tentatively trying now, but I am only in my first cycle (which we didn’t try in as I didn’t want a due date to clash with her first birthday).

@Bumbers I was told I could start trying immediately, despite having had three caesareans.

Bumbers Mon 21-May-18 20:50:52

Both of our post mortems came back with no identifiable problems. Interesting that the 6 months doesn't seem to be universal. We were told to take asprin from 8 weeks - but only if we caught twins again.

@LilacIris I am so sorry for your loss.
@Bisquick I am sorry for your loss - but so happy about your rainbow baby. Thank you for sharing.
@MrsLCW - so difficult to have to be around all the pregnant women. But hopefully the results will be useful.

LilacIris Mon 21-May-18 21:12:26

I was told to take aspirin in the first trimester of my pregnancy, but only because the previous pregnancy had ended in a miscarriage. I haven’t been told to take anything at all this time round apart from contacting the EPU straightaway, so maybe they will advise it there.

The reason my daughter died is apparently very unusual with minuscule odds so it is regarded as something that is just as unlikely to happen again. However, since her death I have been to a few meetings with other local bereaved parents through SANDS and realise how often the worst does happen. My first pregnancy ended in a late miscarriage which caused me so much anxiety in subsequent pregnancies, that I know I will find things really hard if/when I get pregnant again.

39Suzy Fri 25-May-18 18:19:48

@toots123 my period started yesterday, heavier and more painful than usual, from what i remember, so will see how it goes over the next few weeks with TTC x

LilacIris Fri 25-May-18 19:00:36

My period is much heavier now @39Suzy but thankfully pain free. I hope it doesn’t take you long to conceive again and everything goes smoothly and uneventfully.

39Suzy Fri 25-May-18 19:43:34

@lilaciris thank you and sorry for your losses too, wishing you all the best with your journey too x

toots123 Fri 25-May-18 21:30:05

My period was super heavy this month!

Last month was ok too...
When is af due? I have really long cycles so it's a long month

Bumbers Fri 25-May-18 21:31:50

Good luck @lilaciris and @39suzy.

I had a slightly light and then an overly heavy period for my diary 2 cycles (first af started 8 weeks after late term misscarrige). We tried for 3 cycles after and I have just got a tentative BPF. Not celebrating anything yet though - we have a genetic issue already and I have been told a 10% chance of another later term misscarrige (mitigated a bit by close monitoring) so the chance of this pbf ending in a baby pretty low and certainly below 50%. So glad we have a bpf, but not celebrating anything.

I hope you can get there soon and that everything goes really well.

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