TTC after stillbirth

[toots123]

Just wondering if anyone else is ttc after a stillbirth and wanted to join me on this very daunting journey?

[Namechangefailagain]

Miami81

Yes I fear I will never been able to get pregnant again and fear what will happen if I do.

Unfortunately I can't start ttc again now. I need an operation before or risk losing another child. It means waiting til the end of the year before I can try. I keep thinking what if it doesn't happen, as each month goes past I worry that the chances are decreasing.

[Bumbers]

@Miami81 I was terrified I wouldn't get pregnant again. I am now 6.5 weeks pregnant!

Still early days and don't believe I will end in a baby, but just trying to focus on the positives.

[Lemonsherberts]

So sorry to hear what you have been through.
I just wanted to share with you that I work with someone who had what was considered a late miscarriage and was understandably heartbroken.
I know that her midwife has been incredibly supportive in various ways to help reduce her worrying.
So far she is having a healthy pregnancy, into her third trimester, and I’m really happy that things are going so well for her.
She can contact her midwife any time she feels worried and can go in to hear babies heartbeat which I think has been so reassuring for her.
I’m all sorry for what you have been through.
Sending you best wishes for your next pregnancy

[LilacIris]

Do you have a date for your operation yet @Namechangefailagain? I really hope it is successful and you go on to have a smooth pregnancy.

Are you under a consultant already @Bumbers for this pregnancy? I was told to call the hospital and go for early scans from as soon as I get a positive test.

I hope things continue to go well for your friend @Lemonsherberts

2ww begins now. 🤞🏻 Not overly hopeful for this cycle.

[Namechangefailagain]

Lilaclris

Thank you.

I don't have an exact date yet but it's going to be around August/September and then need to wait 2 months before ttc. I don't want to try in November as it was the month I conceived my daughter.

Good luck to you too. X

[39Suzy]

@miami81 it is perfectly normal to be upset 😊
We had a very frank chat on Friday about just how terrifying this is.... i am trying not to think about getting pregnant as don't want to be disappointed but at the same time, wtf am i thinking! Hubs is convinced we will get pregnant soon although made me realise that i haven't a clue what to do if it does happen that quick. I am due to speak to the bereavement MW so will see if a plan hasbeen created yet. The chance of reoccurance of the issue is less than 1% but as it isn't genetic, can only be diagnosed/ anticipated between 12 and 16 weeks at earliest.

@lilaciris good luck for your 2ww.

@bumbers how you feeling, have you had any scans or appointments yet?

[Bumbers]

@39Suzy I was terrified wouldn’t get pregnant again for ages (had IVF plans in my head). DH was more confident I think. But then when I got my bfp and showed DH (after a few days – had tested super early and had the faintest of squinters and he was away) he actually just went really quiet. He was apprehensive as he hates the fact that he can’t protect me from this. Not quite what I was expecting so I just wanted to share as I think you get all sorts of different emotions.

@lilacrisis – good luck for the 2ww.

@Miami81 – also totally normal to feel upset. One of our friends announced the arrival of their daughter on my due date and I was hysterically crying on the tube home (no alcohol required). Also really struggled to be a good friend to one of my friends who was due just after me. We were supposed to have a shared babyshower etc. and I just can’t react as normal.

Feeling a bit rubbish, but not quite as rubbish as I would like if that makes sense! I have not heard back from the hospital yet, so no scans or anything, but I am going to try and chase. I had a different appointment at hospital today (different campus to the maternity one or I might have dropped in) for some iron issues and they told me to chase up. I know if things go wrong now there is little that could be done so have been almost holding off chasing – don’t want to waste anyone’s time . Also after my appointment today probably also going to start taking baby asprin, which I had been debating.

[39Suzy]

@bumbers my friend (who was 8 weeks ahead of me) contacted me this week.... my instinct was to tell her to eff off (it was all smiley faces to announce that the builders had finished and they were ready for their imminent arrival). I felt really mean not sharing her excitement and i know she is just trying to keep in touch but still hurt. I can completely understand how friendships can break down easily over this.
A friend of mine has just come off Facebook to avoid baby /child milestone announcements after her stillborn 3 years ago (and has struggled to conceive since) but i really dont want to be that person that skulks away being miserable. It is tough and you just have to take it as it is, i don't believe people intend on being insensitive but sometimes it is just easier to treat you as 'normal' even if you are crumbling inside.
Give the hospital a call and try and focus on the little bean, he/she needs you 😚
Lunch today with one of my collegues from another department for the first time.... just hoping for a normal gossip catch up rather than spanish inquisition (she has been known in the past for her complete inappropriateness in difficult sutuations!).
Hope the 2ww isn't dragging too much ladies xx

[Miami81]

@Bumbers and @39Suzy I find it really hard with people who were due around the same time as us. It's just so difficult to think that you should all be in it together having normal new Mom chats. Nobody is able to have normal new Mom chats with us. Some really try and have given me time to talk about my birth experience and the things that were the same for them, which is nice. But I can really only go there with some very close friends.
It just hurts so much that dd will never meet her little friends and all play together like they would have done if she had lived.
I don't feel jealous as such, it is more just that ache of the path that should have been ours and was cruelly snatched away from us and from her.

[39Suzy]

@miami81 i can understand that... i think that is somewhat putting me off going back to work as mine was one of four babies due between now and August. I don't think it gets easier, just easier to manage and put a brave face on 😊 x

[39Suzy]

@toots123 how you doing? Are you planning on testing early at all? I have had cramp and backache all day but trying not to read anything into it and drive myself mad. And determined not to waste money on pregnancy tests!

Well, lunch was ok but also found out one of my collegues has had their baby. I have sent an appropriately cheery 'congratulations' message but have been teary this evening thinking why me and its just so damned unfair ☹

[toots123]

Hi @39suzy
I'm ok, how are you? Not sure I'll test early. We are away this weekend so that will be a good distraction. I have tests left over from last time so the plan will be to test next Tuesday. A week to go!

When do you think you'll test?

Sorry that's hit you hard. Wish I could say something to make it better, it is unfair.x

[39Suzy]

@toots123 oh lovely, where are you off to?

Will see how the next week goes but will probably wait until i am due on (Wednesday next week i think). Last time i got a BFP at 10 or 11dpo i think (was trying to work it out but my app deleted the data when i converted to pregnant) so was quite early but determined not to get too hung up on it.... pregnancy tests are bloody expensive! 😚

[toots123]

Just to center Parcs for the weekend. Have hidden 2 internet cheapies in the case but I really want to wait until Tuesday when we are back.

10dpo is early so you could test at the weekend! But don't worry if there's no line so early. I only get a faint line even at 14dpo so I'm not hopeful for the weekend

[39Suzy]

@toots123 have a lovely time! And fingers crossed for some good news for you x

[LilacIris]

@Namechangefailagain I can understand that and I feel the same about certain dates of the year. I’d be quite happy not to get pregnant this month to make sure I will completely miss significant dates.

I know a few people in RL who had babies at the same time and are so tactless without thinking that it makes it very difficult.

My nose is bunged up without any cold signs and has been for a few days now. This is always an early pregnancy sign for me but I’m not sure that it happening from one day before ovulation can be realistic!

[39Suzy]

That's me out this month. AF appeared this morning after a bit of spotting yesterday (which i assumed could be implantation). Arrived with a vengence four days early. No idea what is happening with my cycles ☹
Just so pissed off for no reason today then my friend texts to say she had her little girl by c section. Just feel hopeless.... got the wine in for tonight🍷

[Bumbers]

@39Suzy I am so sorry, that sucks. Hope you enjoyed some wine.

[LilacIris]

Oh @39Suzy, I’m sorry to hear that. My last AF arrived at least four days before I was expecting as well and then was really heavy for six days before completely stopping. I’ve never had such an early AF before and my periods typically start heavy and then gradually become lighter for several days. I know my cycles have always been different after each pregnancy but I’ve never worked out why!

I also had a colleague and friend message me without any advance warning a photo of her newborn. It’s lovely for her that her baby was born safely and is well but the picture of their happiness is something I could have done without.

My DH keeps changing his mind about ttc. Is anyone else having similar discussions with their partners? I completely understand and to a certain extend agree with his logic, but I just have such a fundermental need to have another baby. I wasn’t hopeful anyway about this cycle but worried now because I need him to be onboard in the unlikely event I am pregnant.

[39Suzy]

@bumbers @lilaciris thanks... i guess i am just frustrated that my body appears to be all over the place and i have no control ☹ as well as cramps and heavy bleeding, just feeling sorry for myself.

@lilaciris i think that it is normal for your partner to swing from one extreme to the other, they can't do anything to protect you. Just keep talking x

[nutellaoffthespoon]

Hi everyone.

I'm so very sorry for all of your losses.

My little boy was born still at term at the start of the month. It's a little early yet but I'd love to join the thread in anticipation of us starting to try again if that's okay? The reason for his death appears clear cut so unless there's a secondary reason given at testing there's no medical reason to delay.

I've been very lucky with people's sensitivity so far but we are outside the UK and literally all of my local friends are pregnant or have newborns so it's still a little tough.

Congratulations to all of those now pregnant and best of luck to those trying. And big hugs to all of us...

[LilacIris]

Hello @nutellaoffthespoon and a big hug back.

[39Suzy]

HI @Nutellaoffthespoon and i am sorry you find yourself here. It is early days yet i know, when are you thinking of trying again? X

[Miami81]

I'm sorry @39Suzy I hope at least it is a quick AF and you can get back to ttc soon.
Sorry to see you here @nutellaoffthespoon and sorry for the loss of your little boy.
@LilacIris yep. Same here, my DH is being very tentative about getting back to ttc. It's so stressful. We are seeing a counsellor on Tuesday.
My surgeon on Tuesday suggested leaving septum alone as she believes that she wouldn't be able to improve it significantly enough to risk the surgery.
We shall see.

[LilacIris]

@Miami81 I hope the counsellor on Tuesday is helpful for you both. Do you find the visit supportive and do you go together or separately? Does your surgeon mean to never operate? Is it worth a second opinion if you have doubts?